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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I would like my 3 year old grand-daughter to stay with me for one night, but my daughter in law says NO, AIBU?

892 replies

redyam · 26/07/2012 21:47

I bit of background, this is not me, but I will write as though it is, for a friend.

I sea my grand-daughter every few weeks, we live about 100 miles away from each other. We either go down to my sons house or they come up to stay for the weekend.

We all get on really well, my grand-daughter is delightful, and behaves as good as gold whenever we spend time with her or go out for trips.

I would like to take my 3 year old grand-daughter on an overnight outing nearby. We will take her out for the evening (not late) without the parents, spend the night with her, then bring her back to her parents the next day.

I think it will do her the world of good, give me some quality time with her, and give her parents a night off to do what they want. I'm sure my GD would love it.

However my daughter-in-law says NO! No reason given, to flat out refusal. I'm a little hurt really, as though I can't be trusted with my grand-daughter.

Am I being unreasonable to want to do this, or to feel hurt?

OP posts:

tittytittyhanghang · 27/07/2012 20:21

YANBU, my sil was like this with her dc, and wouldn't let her dc stay with my dm. Cue 6 years later and her dc won't stay with anyone and sil is now grumbling about this as she gets little to no freedom.

I don't buy the 3 is too young bs. Age has nothing to do with it. IMO at 3 years old its nothing to do with the children not being ready but the mum having issues letting them go.

CheerfulYank · 27/07/2012 20:29

Well, it must be an age thing because when I started a thread not wanting my (at the time) almost 5 year old DS to stay the weekend with my parents, after we were already staying there as a family for three days, 270 miles away, I was roundly told I was BU. :)

Noggie · 27/07/2012 20:41

Three is very young for a sleepover in my opinion- plenty of time for that!

usualsuspect · 27/07/2012 20:44

It's not a bloody sleepover.

It's staying the night at grandmas.

seeker · 27/07/2012 20:50

Yay for usualsuspect!!!!!!!!!!!

Springforward · 27/07/2012 21:00

I mainly wouldn't let DS stay over with PILs yet (3) as they always look knackered after an afternoon with him. God knows how they'd manage much longer without losing it, frankly.

Jacksmania · 27/07/2012 21:16

t's not a bloody sleepover.

It's staying the night at grandma's.

What in the world is the difference? [baffled]

Moominsarescary · 27/07/2012 21:37

Mine had to stay with my mum for a week last year when I was in hospital and dp was with me. They were all fine as they were used to staying there.
It can't be nice for a child if they had to go somewhere for a week and they'd never been away from home before.

TheBigJessie · 27/07/2012 21:39

Not letting grandma push a pram does sound pretty awful. But I do remember getting more selective about letting people push the pram, after one relative collapsed it by accident. I think there was a baby inside it at the time, too...

My mother used to smoke while pushing the pram, so that the smoke blew right into the occupant's face, when she thought I wasn't looking, as well! And then there was the time that...

maddening · 27/07/2012 22:03

but can someone explain the importance of having the gc without your own dc? Why the need to exclude the parents? What is it that is so important that the parents are unwelcome ? Genuinely interested as this is always the thought that runs through my head?

and why do so many gp go against the parents wishes re food, routine etc - this perception is purely from reading so many similar pil threads on forums tho

maddening · 27/07/2012 22:04

ugh

LilQueenie · 27/07/2012 22:26

same issue here. Im the parent. First thought why an overnight stay? You have plenty time with grandchild what exactly are you going to do when Im not there that you obviously feel you cant do when I am?

Inneedofbrandy · 27/07/2012 22:28

maddening It might be because they genuinely want to give parents a break, they want to spoil them abit and do something just them and gc. For example if you had 2 or more children it is always nice to have one on one time.

My late grandad always gave my children a square of green and blacks chocolate since they were weaned and let them have 3 sugars in a cup of tea. My children will always remember that he spoilt them and let them have something they were not usually allowed.

If your child is in a routine one night will not take you back to pre routine that is parents making excuses.

usualsuspect · 27/07/2012 22:44

It's not a big deal, it's totally normal.

We won't turn your precious children against you, honest

bejeezus · 27/07/2012 22:53

It's just a different dynamic innit, with the parents there innit?....its bleeding obvious. Stop trying to make the situation summat its not

When I'm not there my dvd cutchy up in bed with grandad for cocoa and a bedtime story. And go into gps bed in the morning for tea and toast. And having gps sole in charge, means they rely on them and trust them more, than if parents are always there with the final say on everything

It's a bloody wonder more kids don't grow up with nervous ticks etc etc

bejeezus · 27/07/2012 22:56

No...my dvds don't go anywhere (cant trust gps to return them!)....my dcs cutchy up with grandad

lovebunny · 27/07/2012 22:57

if you're worrying about me not pushing the pram, don't! i get plenty of baby-cuddling time. it doesn't matter what example i used, the sour lot on mn would have found a way to misuse it. please yourselves. i think it is right to support the mum, whatever her decision for her child.

WinkyWinkola · 27/07/2012 23:01

It just depends on the family dynamic, the Dec themselves, the distance etc etc.

One size doesn't fit all. Thank goodness people are free to make up their own minds regardless of what other people's experiences are.

WinkyWinkola · 27/07/2012 23:01

The dc themselves I mean. Bloody iPhone.

lovebunny · 27/07/2012 23:01

ha! found what you've been saying! you are a bitter and twisted bunch. what's it to you? you aren't happy unless you have something to complain about.

bejeezus · 27/07/2012 23:02

AND I think people to get fecking routine into perspective. They ate not carved in stone, never to be deviated from no matter what. 'routine' does not take priority over all else no matter what. Kids can even cope with different routines in different places

It's true...

bejeezus · 27/07/2012 23:05

That's what AIBU is all about winky

TheBigJessie · 27/07/2012 23:07

Lovebunny you're completely right. I was being sour. I'm sorry.

For what it's worth- I think you sound lovely and considerate.

PeppermintLatte · 27/07/2012 23:17

Inneedofbrandy can i ask, do your children spend any time with paternal grandparents? i have noticed that you say your children spend plenty of time with your side of the family, but i've missed it if you say they spend any time with their dad's side of the family?

lovebunny · 27/07/2012 23:19

i'm adorable! can't you just tell?

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