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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I would like my 3 year old grand-daughter to stay with me for one night, but my daughter in law says NO, AIBU?

892 replies

redyam · 26/07/2012 21:47

I bit of background, this is not me, but I will write as though it is, for a friend.

I sea my grand-daughter every few weeks, we live about 100 miles away from each other. We either go down to my sons house or they come up to stay for the weekend.

We all get on really well, my grand-daughter is delightful, and behaves as good as gold whenever we spend time with her or go out for trips.

I would like to take my 3 year old grand-daughter on an overnight outing nearby. We will take her out for the evening (not late) without the parents, spend the night with her, then bring her back to her parents the next day.

I think it will do her the world of good, give me some quality time with her, and give her parents a night off to do what they want. I'm sure my GD would love it.

However my daughter-in-law says NO! No reason given, to flat out refusal. I'm a little hurt really, as though I can't be trusted with my grand-daughter.

Am I being unreasonable to want to do this, or to feel hurt?

OP posts:
jandymaccomesback · 27/07/2012 19:11

I have just had my DGC for a night for the first time and they are 5 and 2. DL just didn't want to let them go away. (They haven't been to her parents either). I can't see a problem. She let them stay when she was ready. I was the same with my DCs.

bejeezus · 27/07/2012 19:13

redyam I hope she comes round Smile

HeathRobinson · 27/07/2012 19:14

'the outing was going to be a trip to the beach which she's never been to'

That could be a sticking point in itself, if your son and dil want to do this 'first' themselves?

Inneedofbrandy · 27/07/2012 19:19

redyam All I can say is I hope in a few years your able to do things like that, sounds a lovely idea.

50shadesofslapntickle · 27/07/2012 19:25

LeQueen - why is it that when people disagree with your opinion you resort to snidey comments about how people who don't do things your way are? Just because some people don't want to leave their dc overnight with anyone it doesn't mean they are 'conceited' etc. Honestly, stop being so snidey.

Op - good to hear you won't push it, keep being a helpful GP and all is good!

hardboiledpossum · 27/07/2012 19:28

My DS is a bit younger but I would only be happy to leave him with my own mother. He is completely used to my mother as we see her multiple times a week and never sheds a tear when I leave him with her, when I leave him with mil he sometimes gets a bit upset. I know that when he wakes in the night my mum would just bring him in to bed with her and give him a big cuddle, where as my mil thinks that co sleeping is ridiculous so would spend hours trying to re settle him in his cot which would probably cause him to become distressed.

DuelingFanjo · 27/07/2012 19:29

sorry but I think yabu. why do you need to have her overnight and without her parents and why dress it up as 'helping them' when it's really just because you want it? you live miles away and you are not the parent.

you are right not to push it.

usualsuspect · 27/07/2012 19:29

I agree with every word Laqueen has said on this thread.

usualsuspect · 27/07/2012 19:30

Nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your grandchildren.

aesopslabials · 27/07/2012 19:34

nope usual there isn't. but is also up to the parent isn't it? when i stop bf i will probably love the time i have if she stays overnight. can i book you?

hardboiledpossum · 27/07/2012 19:37

I'd like to add that as far as I can remember I only stayed at my grandparents house once without my parents and I remember missing my parents so much and not enjoying myself at all. I think I was about 5 at the time. This doesn't mean I'm not close to my family, in fact we are all incredibly close, my grandparents live in France now but I still see them about 4 times a year and speak to them every few days on skype. We still go on two family holidays a year with my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.

DuelingFanjo · 27/07/2012 19:40

I think it's odd to think that children will only have a close relationship with their aunts/uncles/grandparents if they are allowed to stay over night at a young age - which is what Lequeen seems to be saying.

usualsuspect · 27/07/2012 19:45

I think it's odd that some parents won't allow their children to stay over at their grandparents .

But we all parent differently.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 27/07/2012 19:54

I totally understand why you would want to do this OP but I personally wouldnt allow it and my dd is nearly 5. It's a combination of the age and regardless of your willingness to take your gd home if she's unhappy, the distance too would pose a problem.

I would however explain this and also explain that it's not about them as grand parents, its more to do with my comfort zones with my little girl.

When dd was older, I would of course be happy for the grand parents to have her overnight, I cant tell you when that would be though. Smile

Regardless of these 21 pages of our opinions, Mummy has said no. She's not comfortable with it, end of story.

DuelingFanjo · 27/07/2012 19:56

there are lots of ways to spend time with grandchildren, most of which don't involvethem being asleep.

usualsuspect · 27/07/2012 19:58

Oh well. Works for my family

Mummy says yes

Stinkyminkymoo · 27/07/2012 20:01

I really find this odd. My niece who is 2 1/2 says at my parents and at my sisters without a problem. And she is a PFB.

I wouldn't have a problem with my child staying at my parents or brothers/sisters house. My parents did a pretty good job of raising me for the last 35 years, am sure they could do the same to my child.

Weird. Srsly.

Kayano · 27/07/2012 20:07

I love how this thread is totally 'it's up to mum'
'mum is in charge'
'what mum says goes'
'back off, it's down I what mum wants'

And the ear piecing thread is
'mums who pierce ears are negligent'
'abusive'
'sexualising for the paedos'

..... It seems it's only up to mum when it fits Wink

LaQueen · 27/07/2012 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

darksecret · 27/07/2012 20:09

You are being very unreasonable.

Your friend does not have any rights as such. Her grandchild lives, quite properly, with her parents. If her parents wanted her to go on holiday to her grannie's house, that would be their decision. It's up to them to decide what will do her the world of good.

Why do grandparents jeopardise a great relationship by making an issue of overnights? If they want to help with bathtime, why don't they just say so?

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 27/07/2012 20:11

The OP said that Daddy was staying out of it, keeping the peace. Seems that's why it is down to Mummy. Wink

usualsuspect · 27/07/2012 20:12

The Op has just asked ,shes hardly made it an issue.

MN is bloody bonkers

I'm outta this thread, and the weirdy ear piercing one Grin

Kayano · 27/07/2012 20:16

I know! Asking is hardly making it a massive issue! Its been 3 years! YEARS?!

I do think it's quite old enough to have a sleepover.

seeker · 27/07/2012 20:16

I do find it bizarre that MILs who ask to spend time with their grand children are needy and controlling and unreasonable qnd undermining and critical, and grandparents who don't ask to spend time with their grandchildren are uncaring and unloving and neglectful and selfish!

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 27/07/2012 20:17

Oooooh usual, I've not seen the wierdy ear piercing thread yet, nipping over to that for some more MN bonkers stuff. Grin

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