I would like my 3 year old grand-daughter to stay with me for one night, but my daughter in law says NO, AIBU?

[redyam]

I bit of background, this is not me, but I will write as though it is, for a friend.

I sea my grand-daughter every few weeks, we live about 100 miles away from each other. We either go down to my sons house or they come up to stay for the weekend.

We all get on really well, my grand-daughter is delightful, and behaves as good as gold whenever we spend time with her or go out for trips.

I would like to take my 3 year old grand-daughter on an overnight outing nearby. We will take her out for the evening (not late) without the parents, spend the night with her, then bring her back to her parents the next day.

I think it will do her the world of good, give me some quality time with her, and give her parents a night off to do what they want. I'm sure my GD would love it.

However my daughter-in-law says NO! No reason given, to flat out refusal. I'm a little hurt really, as though I can't be trusted with my grand-daughter.

Am I being unreasonable to want to do this, or to feel hurt?

My dcs are as comforted by my parents as they are by me....because they have slept at their house from 6 months old. They co sleep if necessary. They have taken them abroad on holiday from age 2.

You don't end up with a 3 year old that can't settle with other people, if you let other people settle them from an early age

Oh I went to my maternal grandma for days on end, and her and my grandad were trusted enough to take me on their boat. In fact from about 8 I would be in a dinghy on a long length of rope desperately trying to row to brown-sea island with my grandma popping up every now and again to check on me. My cousins who were not ever allowed sleepovers never got to go on long boat trips have fresh caught makeral while the sun sets and sail to spain through the french riviera. I also stayed at my nans aunties uncles friends all quite happily.

Grandparents did manage to potty train you lot!

bejeezus You don't end up with a 3 year old that can't settle with other people, if you let other people settle them from an early age
^ ^ exactly!

But when the GP lives so far away, they aren't going to have a chance to see the GC on a regular enough basis. Allowing them to have them overnight, meaning they get 2 days with them, every now and again would help them to forge a good relationship. Especially from an early age as they grow up with it so it isn't new to the GC so they shouldn't wake up and fret.

And I also agree. Sleepovers are not a recent thing. I was always at my Nans with my cousins. I recall one cousin once waking up and vomiting all in her hair. We was sharing a double bed and it went on me too. She was fine, my Nan was quite capable of cleaning us up, changing the sheets, comforting her whilst keeping a close eye on her just like she also did with me on a few occasions.

Shullbit you have just reminded me of the time I vomited everywhere and my grandma stuck me on the pontoon and literally hosed me down LOL.

Raspberrysorbet mmmm I love sorbet will scrape up remainder of you off my computer screen.

Raspberrysorbet It is a real island, although you were not really supposed to be on it. I would get bags of pinecones for my DM. I realise I sound very Enid Blyton right now.

Sounds fun Inneedofabrandy

Raspberrysorbet ffs we did though it was this disgusting homemade by my uncle Ivor ginger beer and I was forced to drink it. I was also sent off with sandwiches and played with friends building dams and pretend campfires all day long. We didnt have a cook to make sandwiches though and I have never had a high tea.

Haha it does make me sad that children nowadays don't seem to do things like that. Maybe it all boils down to never being allowed out of their mothers sight?

Shullbit was really really fun, I still love the rowing machine at the gym now. have not been in at least 2 years

Raspberry Oh yeh our dc would be turnt into peedo prey innit

Does actually cheer me up. Wow I sound middleclass right now.

bejeezus
"My dcs are as comforted by my parents as they are by me....because they have slept at their house from 6 months old. They co sleep if necessary. They have taken them abroad on holiday from age 2."

My eldest was 6 months old - from word go being held by anyone else she'd scream for hours tested at families instance many a time - my parents came to stay.

My parents are great with DC - much more experienced than IL - they wanted to settle DD1 down. She'd spend few days with them constantly there and she had seen them before. It was our house no routine changes and I was very desperate happy for break. She wasn't having it at all. From 6 pm till 12.30 pm she screamed. I was sent away out of house for several hours rather than being on a different floor- didn't change a thing. They gave up handed her back within five minutes she was asleep next to me.

Same next night - though my parents gave up earlier.

My youngest DC was the same. Clingy, possessive and unbelievably suborn. Bizarrely they have the best social skills and it the one who didn't require constant holding that is extremely worryingly shy.

The eldest was happy to be left at 5 and youngest happy at 3 but with her siblings with her. They got there in their own time and are out of my sight quite regularly.

Hi, I am the grandmother, thanks for all your messages, I'm overwhelmed by the amount of comments this post generated! It has helped me to see both sides. However I would just like to clarify a few points;

• I am not a smoker, or a heavy drinker, or have any other peculiarities
• I don't have any pets, let alone a staffie or Rottweiler sleeping on the bed
• I'm not old and decrepit, I've been working all day today and only just got through the thread!
• I'm a loving caring grandmother who enjoys spending time with my granddaughter.
• when we stay at the parents house, I always settle DGD to sleep, cleaning teeth, change nappies, do bath time etc
• the outing was going to be a trip to the beach which she's never been to
• the overnight stay was to be at stepdaughters house, which she has visited before, and is closer than where we live.

I will just let things lie, as I'm anxious not to cause a rift with my daughter in law.

Once again, thank you for your comments.

oh shit wrong thread lol.. sorry people

my mum would describe herself in the same way, she genuinely doesn't realise how deep she sleeps or how rubbish her hearing is

If she is 3 - she'll be starting nursery soon so DIL may well get used to her having a bit more independence so maybe suggest it again next year ?

Maybe in meantime have a casual chat at some point with your son to see if there was something in particular about proposed trip they were unhappy about rather than her being away overnight with you?

Also, with regard to the 'doing her the world of good' comment, this is a commonly used phrase and was entirely innocent.