I would like my 3 year old grand-daughter to stay with me for one night, but my daughter in law says NO, AIBU?

[redyam]

I bit of background, this is not me, but I will write as though it is, for a friend.

I sea my grand-daughter every few weeks, we live about 100 miles away from each other. We either go down to my sons house or they come up to stay for the weekend.

We all get on really well, my grand-daughter is delightful, and behaves as good as gold whenever we spend time with her or go out for trips.

I would like to take my 3 year old grand-daughter on an overnight outing nearby. We will take her out for the evening (not late) without the parents, spend the night with her, then bring her back to her parents the next day.

I think it will do her the world of good, give me some quality time with her, and give her parents a night off to do what they want. I'm sure my GD would love it.

However my daughter-in-law says NO! No reason given, to flat out refusal. I'm a little hurt really, as though I can't be trusted with my grand-daughter.

Am I being unreasonable to want to do this, or to feel hurt?

I stayed at my gp and my ggp from an early age, I remember staying with my great grandma and having a lovely time. I'm glad my parents did this as she died when I was four and the only memorys I have of her are staying at hers and being tucked into bed at night.

My eldest two stay at my mums and my grandparents. Ds1 stayed with my grandparents over night from 18 months old.

not letting a loving grandma push the pram is just insane. I'm sorry, but it is. Pure, barking mad.

i always push my own pram and wont let other people do it unless im having a pain free day.i have mobility issues and sometimes struggle to walk being able to use them pram as a prop (for want of a better description) helps me be able to get around outdoors.im kinda hoping my back and pelvis issues ease off by the time i dont have a pram to use.
i expect gp's think im a bit offish about this as i prefer not to talk to them about my medical stuff as its private to me i much prefer to make out its not an issue rather than have people fussing about it.

usual you are to present yourself at my house poste haste to sign the adoption papers (im kinda hoping nobody will notice im intending on adopting someone who may be a bit older than me)

Some of my now grown up childrens happiest childhood memories are the times they spent staying overnight at their aunties with their cousins.

No one word, not a complete sentence

Sorry but I hate that bloody saying.

Thanks LaQueen and I accept that, in some instances, the reason may be parental insecurity - which is a shame. But that isn't always the case - extended bf, toilet issues, restless or 'bad' sleepers and even night terrors/nightmares are just some of the other reasons.

With DS, I fall into the extended bf and not sleeping toddler categories

I used to have their cousins stay at mine too, They still laugh about drinking cans of top deck shandy and pretending to be drunk

Which probably shows me in a bad light, but ,oh well.

I was going to say about the bf-ing and overnight feeds for all those giving 4 month olds to GPs overnight. How does that work?! And, again, unless the mum is on her knees why the actual fuck do the gps want that??

Has the OP actually looked at this thread since posting?

Not sure why so keen to have the 3 year old over night without the parents. An offer of respite, fine, but an actual request? I'd find that a bit odd.

Could be all sorts of perfectly reasonable reasons why the DIL isn't comfortable with it and those reasons might have nothing to do with the DGM.

Then again, maybe DGM really can't be trusted with the child. As a friend, the OP could have no idea, no matter how convinced she may be of the DGM's character.

And finally, I seriously doubt the DIL just turned around and rudely said "NO." More likely, "Oh no I'm not really comfortable with that idea but thanks all the same."

Hardly something to get upset about.

Exactly, I'm so glad my children have fond memories of all their extended family.

I can only hope my Grandchildren feel the same when they grow up.

My DS has stayed at my mum's and a few other friends and family members since he was a baby. I have never seen a problem with it and it certainly does not bother him. He loves going to stay with people and has a great time. My mum does my childcare while I work and as I work nights she has him from Wednesday night until Friday morning and they have a fantastic relationship.

I have great memories of staying at peoples houses, other family members staying at ours and that is how I grew up and so have been the same with my DS. I do however, have friends that have children that have never stayed anywhere but with them and I find that strange and think it must be a tad dull always staying with your parents but that is how they parent. Did the DIL grow up not staying with family members? If so that is probably why she is reluctant to allow you.

The OP said she was posting on behalf of her friend, the GM. Perhaps OP, the DIL simply has her reasons, and she is the child's mother after all, and therefore the person who gets to say what happens with her 3 year old child.

Not sure why the GM is pushing for this, when she knows her DIL doesn't want it. Surely she should, as the older and wiser(?) person be able to say to herself 'Ok they are not ready for that, that's their call.'

Would be nice if she simply respected her DIL's wishes instead of taking it so personally and getting her friend to try and get answers from MN.

Top Deck Shandy. There's something I haven't enjoyed in many years. My 'guilty pleasure' was my Grandad gave me a little shot of Baileys when my parents and I visited him - I was about 6 at the time, my mum and dad were less than impressed! He was an alcoholic publican, worst profession to be in as an alcoholic and, unsurprisingly, I was never allowed to stop with him on my own!

I wonder if DGD is to blame for my love of Baileys now...

I wish I'd not read this thread, as my 3.5 year old is off to stay with her GPs for 10 days next week. (They're in the UK, I'm 1 hour flight away). She stayed with them for 7 days when she was 2.5. She sees them every 3 months and regularly on Skype. I was feeling pretty confident in my and DH's decision to go ahead with this, which obviously GPs are very keen on, until I read all your comments saying that 3 is too young for even one night away, just 100 miles distance!

pommedechocolat I FF and both mine would go last bottle at 10pm and morning bottle at 6, by the time they were 6 months or so it would be 6 till 6. I realise on MN routine and babies sleeping through 10 till 6 from 6 weeks old makes me a bad mum.