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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

They ruined our wedding day. Very long rant/story

131 replies

inlawsfromhell · 26/07/2012 16:57

My SIL, MIL and BIL ruined our wedding day!!!! It was a small wedding with only 30 guest. SIL wasn't invited as two weeks after my daughter was born (4 years ago) she started a fight with me and threatened to kill me and our daughter and I have been receiving abuse every few months. My husband told her she wasn't invited.

So I arrived at the venue and who do I see SIL i tell my husband to get rid of the physco but he begs me to have her stay and i do it for him but tell him she isn't coming to the party. She was told to sit at the back she sat in the middle and what could I do walking down the isle. His mother who has only made the effort to see her grandchildren 4 times in 4 years, came up to me just before I walk down the isle screaming abuse at me for not inviting her daughter who threatened to kill her own niece and how DH has only got them. Well I lost it and told her how he only sees them because I ask him to visit and call them (I won't allow the DC around them without me), How her granddaughters don't know who she is and when she does visit she doesn't play with them just sits in a chair ignoring them arms crossed with a face on and that his children and me have been a family for 5 years.

We had no group photographs just our two girls and my niece and nephew. Because he couldn't tell his sister not to be in the pictures.

He left after we left the building, He went to find them and left me for 20 minutes! I was stood there like some idiot surrounded by everyone like I'd just been abandoned and nobody knew what to say to me.

When he came back we set off to the party his mother refused to come if SIL couldn't come. BIL came up to me gave me hug and said he wasn't coming.

The party was great till my husband got a text from SIL slagging me off calling me a tramp and saying i looked like shite he shouldn't have shown it to me I burst into tears. On my wedding day and my husband didn't even come and talk to me it was my sister. After an hour I come back to the party and thats the end of our wedding day.

In the morning I get up to find abuse from MIL and SIL. MIL calling me so many names in a text to DH and ending it LOVE MUM XXXX as if nothing has happened! and SIL facebook message to my account I shall C&P

"You are a fucking discrace u looked horrible an u all looked liked u just got out bed, say summat like that to my mum an upset u dnt do. The whole wedding was a sham an so fake, u didnt mean them words atall, i sed i wanted to kill you i rearlly am considering it now u scruff , if u ever come to manchester i will hunt u dwn u fucking whore, ur face is already a mess but wen ive finished with you it might be a fuvking improvement. Hot u rot in hell u are one nasty evil fucked up women. An making my brothers life a misery an he knows it an dnt know why he going along with you coz uve fucking brainwashed him prob, watch ur back coz i may just be in sheffield an see you an if i do u best run coz i fucking strangle youu fucking bitch. Never go near my mum agen. Hope ur happy uve messed up roys life an made all his family uncomfortable. U dnt fucking scare me now fuck off."

BIL was his best man didn't do anything for the stag do didn't even turn up, was on the train with SIL didn't tell us she was coming and didn't come to the party! Also got a group white card from all three saying "have a long and happy marriage like me and your dad" the weren't not happy and separated two years before he died. So they planned to ruin his wedding day and the sad thing is they only think they are hurting me!

I'm so pissed off I'm still crying randomly it's been nearly a week my husband has told me he'll never see SIL or MIl again but he has said this before because of the trouble they cause. We go on our honeymoon in a few day's and I don't want to go. I feel bad for my husband but I just can't get over this feeling (I can't even think of the word). I will leave my husband the day he talks to his sister or mother again because I have taken it for years and can't do it anymore.

Sorry about any spelling mistakes and my grammar. Its so long I'm sorry again

OP posts:

lastnerve · 26/07/2012 17:00

God that is awful big hugs OP

Don't think I can say anything to console you at this point.

LentillyFart · 26/07/2012 17:00

Threats to kill are still an offence in English law I believe. Take it to the Police. Then get yourself the hell away from these vile people as fast as your legs will go - DH included if he's prepared to let his family speak to you like this.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/07/2012 17:02

Why on earth does your husband have anything to do with them? Sorry but if my SIL was saying stuff like that to me I'd make it very clear that if DH wanted to carry on been married to me he would have to stand up to her. Even if it didn't mean cutting her off, at least telling her that there is no way she can talk to you like that.

You need to block them on FB and never talk to the magain. Hopefully your hsuband will stick by you this time and not see them again.

HoleyGhost · 26/07/2012 17:02

Try marriage counselling?

JumpingThroughHoops · 26/07/2012 17:03

Yes well. Quite. See, what I'd do is: take a screen dump of that and be marching right down to my local police station with it.

But more importantly, your DH married you, he wanted to marry you, and sorry about leaving you for 20 mins, but my guess is he was trying to calm the situation down. Clearly he didn't succeed. He is supporting you, your last para shows that.

However, as fruit loopy as the family is that you have married into, your DH is quite likely to be speaking to his mother in a couple of months/years. I would imagine SIL has burned her bridges though. No loss there.

Block the lot of them on FB.

McHappyPants2012 · 26/07/2012 17:03

print it off and show the police.

yellowraincoat · 26/07/2012 17:04

Holy shit OP, they sound fucking awful.

If your other half talks to them again, I'd be getting rid of him, that is just not on.

Go on your honeymoon, at least you'll be away from this shower of cunts.

fluffiphlox · 26/07/2012 17:06

How very civilised. Why did you tell them you were getting married? Sounds like they've watched too much Eastenders.

I would lay some strict rules down with your new husband as I can't see much good coming of this if they are really as unpleasant as they sound.

KenLeeeeeee · 26/07/2012 17:07

Good grief, what a vile woman. As others have said, do show this to the police. I'm not sure if there's anything they can do as such, but at least it's a record of her threatening you.

Try to put the nastiness of the wedding behind you and enjoy your honeymoon.

Callisto · 26/07/2012 17:07

Wow. Just, wow. I am quite astounded. .

I know you've just got married OP, but I couldn't marry a man with a family like this, especially if he didn't stick up for me. I think his behaviour on your wedding day was worse than your MIL and SIL, he is meant to love and cherish you. I hope you can sort this out and do cut all ties, change phone etc asap.

CreativeFL0 · 26/07/2012 17:07

It sounds like you have married a man who lacks the ability to prioritise his wife and child above his aggressive and abusive relatives.

Hopefully he will man up and do when needs to be done.

There is no need for you to have anything else to do with your MIL and SIL. Delete their phone numbers and dump them from FB. Leave them to stew in their own drama.

Concentrate on your own family - your child and your husband.

StuntGirl · 26/07/2012 17:07

Go to the police.
Speak to your husband, agree on your boundaries.
Leave if he chooses them over you.

Or do nothing, stay with him and put up with this behaviour forever.

Spuddybean · 26/07/2012 17:08

Good grief OP - That is terrible. Stay away from them, they are totally bonkers. I would show the texts/messages to the police too.

Try to enjoy your honeymoon and as Yellowraincoat said 'at least you'll be away from this shower of cunts.' Although i think the collective noun for this is actually gusset.

Good luck

waterwatereverywhere · 26/07/2012 17:08

You need to screen shot that fb post as evidence as well as keeping every threatening or abusive text message that has been sent.

My Great Aunt had a similar situation with her step-grandaughters husband threatening to kill her son. The police took it very seriously.

And big hugs. Your dh needs to get some balls and stand up to his family.

ChaoticismyLife · 26/07/2012 17:09

Agree with Lentilly take that message to the police.

Frontpaw · 26/07/2012 17:10

She is a bit thick though, isnt she?

Go on your honeymoon and try to have a good time.

Your DH needs to tell them all - in very small words - that he is not going to have anything to do with them, you are his wife, they are his kids and it will be a cold day in hell before he exposes himself of his family to their vile behaviour and threats. He needs to say that if they verbally, physically or facebook-ily threaten, insult or abuse him or any of his family, then he will be straight down to the police station to have them done for harassment.

TheHappyHissy · 26/07/2012 17:11

Deffo take this to the police. What she has done is a threat to kill in words on the internet.

Shut down your FB and open up a new one, make sure that your DH does the same.

Give it some time, let you and your H recover from this and do a renewal of vows, with only those people you love with you. Erase these dreadful people from your lives.

DON'T LET THIS GO, TAKE IT TO THE POLICE.

WildWorld2004 · 26/07/2012 17:13

What id do first is take a walk to the Police station. SIL is a cow.
Your DH married you so he wants to be with you. Do not let them ruin your honeymoon or your marriage.

landofsoapandglory · 26/07/2012 17:14

That's awful!

You need to take a screen shot and take it to the Police.

Itsjustafleshwound · 26/07/2012 17:14

Police and distance from your dh's family.

Banning him from seeing and communicating with his family is difficult and it is really only up to you to decide if it is a dealbreaker. Just make it very clear to him why and what you plan to do wrt his family.

I wish you luck - marriage is hard enough without the added sh*t you describe ...

sittinginthesun · 26/07/2012 17:19

What happyhissy said.

Sausagedog27 · 26/07/2012 17:20

Police!

And go on your honeymoon- try and forget all about what happened, enjoy each other and make happy memories together as newly-weds.

LadyStoneheart · 26/07/2012 17:21

Another vote for going to the police with that message.

I am so sorry you feel like your wedding day was ruined, but please don't let that or these nasty people cast a cloud over your whole marriage. Although I know it doesn't feel that way at the time, the wedding day is only one day when all is said and done. Hopefully this horrible situation has been enough of a wake up call to your DH that he will continue to support you in this, as he has said. It sounds like he was put in a horrible situation his sister pitched up and he maybe made the wrong decisions in trying (and failing) to diffuse and clam things instead of kicking her out straight away (perhaps he hoped not kicking her out would avoid a scene?). Do talk to him about how you are feeling though, don't let resentment or anger towards his actions simmer or it will be worse in the long run.

Of course, if he should go back on his word and resume contact with his sister, I would not for one minute blme you for leaving.

JumpingThroughHoops · 26/07/2012 17:21

What did the vicar say? Did he try and calm it all sown?

axure · 26/07/2012 17:22

Why did your SIL start a fight with you 4 years ago? Why has she harassed you since then? Your DH's family sound like the Clampitts, feuds like this can go on for years. Maybe Jeremy Kyle could help?

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