They ruined our wedding day. Very long rant/story

[inlawsfromhell]

My SIL, MIL and BIL ruined our wedding day!!!! It was a small wedding with only 30 guest. SIL wasn't invited as two weeks after my daughter was born (4 years ago) she started a fight with me and threatened to kill me and our daughter and I have been receiving abuse every few months. My husband told her she wasn't invited.

So I arrived at the venue and who do I see SIL i tell my husband to get rid of the physco but he begs me to have her stay and i do it for him but tell him she isn't coming to the party. She was told to sit at the back she sat in the middle and what could I do walking down the isle. His mother who has only made the effort to see her grandchildren 4 times in 4 years, came up to me just before I walk down the isle screaming abuse at me for not inviting her daughter who threatened to kill her own niece and how DH has only got them. Well I lost it and told her how he only sees them because I ask him to visit and call them (I won't allow the DC around them without me), How her granddaughters don't know who she is and when she does visit she doesn't play with them just sits in a chair ignoring them arms crossed with a face on and that his children and me have been a family for 5 years.

We had no group photographs just our two girls and my niece and nephew. Because he couldn't tell his sister not to be in the pictures.

He left after we left the building, He went to find them and left me for 20 minutes! I was stood there like some idiot surrounded by everyone like I'd just been abandoned and nobody knew what to say to me.

When he came back we set off to the party his mother refused to come if SIL couldn't come. BIL came up to me gave me hug and said he wasn't coming.

The party was great till my husband got a text from SIL slagging me off calling me a tramp and saying i looked like shite he shouldn't have shown it to me I burst into tears. On my wedding day and my husband didn't even come and talk to me it was my sister. After an hour I come back to the party and thats the end of our wedding day.

In the morning I get up to find abuse from MIL and SIL. MIL calling me so many names in a text to DH and ending it LOVE MUM XXXX as if nothing has happened! and SIL facebook message to my account I shall C&P

"You are a fucking discrace u looked horrible an u all looked liked u just got out bed, say summat like that to my mum an upset u dnt do. The whole wedding was a sham an so fake, u didnt mean them words atall, i sed i wanted to kill you i rearlly am considering it now u scruff , if u ever come to manchester i will hunt u dwn u fucking whore, ur face is already a mess but wen ive finished with you it might be a fuvking improvement. Hot u rot in hell u are one nasty evil fucked up women. An making my brothers life a misery an he knows it an dnt know why he going along with you coz uve fucking brainwashed him prob, watch ur back coz i may just be in sheffield an see you an if i do u best run coz i fucking strangle youu fucking bitch. Never go near my mum agen. Hope ur happy uve messed up roys life an made all his family uncomfortable. U dnt fucking scare me now fuck off."

BIL was his best man didn't do anything for the stag do didn't even turn up, was on the train with SIL didn't tell us she was coming and didn't come to the party! Also got a group white card from all three saying "have a long and happy marriage like me and your dad" the weren't not happy and separated two years before he died. So they planned to ruin his wedding day and the sad thing is they only think they are hurting me!

I'm so pissed off I'm still crying randomly it's been nearly a week my husband has told me he'll never see SIL or MIl again but he has said this before because of the trouble they cause. We go on our honeymoon in a few day's and I don't want to go. I feel bad for my husband but I just can't get over this feeling (I can't even think of the word). I will leave my husband the day he talks to his sister or mother again because I have taken it for years and can't do it anymore.

Sorry about any spelling mistakes and my grammar. Its so long I'm sorry again

Another vote here for notifying the police.

You have written, irrefutable evidence that she has made death threats against you. Police, no question.

I agree, you have to report her, she does it because she thinks she can get away with it, now's the time to show her enough is enough and you won't stand for it.

just

What have you married into?! :(

Get the police involved before you have even more serious reasons to regret ever having met her

So sorry for what your going through OP - can't really add any more advice as i think you should report you SIL as other posters have said but please don't let them get to you - I am sure you looked lovely

Did you have a Church Wedding? Would the vicar do a little very private ceremony for you so you could have a fresh start to your marriage? It sounds awful. I'm sure you looked lovely x

keep evidence of all abusive messages via text or FB - take them all to the police.

I don't blame you for asking your DH to choose, I'd do the same. Ultimately, as chaz said, they made him choose with their foul behaviour. They sound mentally ill.

Sorry your day was ruined, but it is only one day in your marriage. You deserve a lovely honeymoon, go and relax, and never see those people again.

They sound truly horrible OP. I'm so sorry that they haven't had the dignity to respect your special day. Credit to your DP for turning out to be a nice person despite his family members. Iwould definitely alert the police, close down your facebook account or block her from sending you messages. Are you able to change your phone number?

Several people have 'voted' for you going to the police. It's not actually a matter of opinion. A serious offence has been committed (threats to kill) and it is your duty to report it

Quite apart from this, if she does anything nasty to you in the future you need it on the record that these threats were made previously.

Do it right away.

Shame on them for being jealous of your big day.

Police
Restraining order

and when ready, intimate blessing of your marriage

I agree, go to the police, report this before the honeymoon and go and get on with your life without them. I would consider making yourself uncontactable in any ways you can.

Please report these threats to the police! these people sound utter psychos! You shouldn't have to put u with that!

As far as your new husband is concerned (I can't quite bring myself to call him "dear" husband) he is going to have to make a choice and make it now: you and his daughter, the family he helped create or the family that have threatened to seriously harm you and your daughter on more than one occasion. It shouldn't be hard for him to decide. But be prepared to make the choice for him. ime families like this... this attitude is heavily ingrained. He's possibly so used to this behaviour he sees it as normal and acceptable.

Huge (((hugs))) to you OP feel so bad for you.

OMG I'm even more pissed now he called his brother and told him everything his sister said and he was still standing up for her (BIL) and my husband just listened and told him some home truths they spoke for over half an hour! How can he semi forgive his brother for not telling us she was coming and knowing full well they planned to wreck OUR day, our card told us so. I just told him to go take our friend home so I can scream and cry in peace. I don't think he fully understands I WILL leave him if he forgives his SIL and/or MIL he should have been angry with his brother for so much longer.

I will be going to the police you need not worry my girls safety comes first he stopped me last time but not this time. What if she harms someone else I could not live with that for the rest of my life.

I don't know how much more I can take. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

sorry one more time AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh OP your husband really needs to put his foot down and be tougher with them, I'm sorry that he isn't listening to your feelings, now's the time he needs to know where his priorities lie, and that's you.

Can you sit down and talk to him properly about it?

We have talked about it but really there isn't much more we can talk about, I shouted at him in front of our friend. How long till I feel better? I'm so fed up with crying! Our two year old called my mother today and mentioned that I had cried I didn't even know they'd seen me crying and now I'm crying again and I'm such a strong person.

Even my dog hasn't been near me and she's my shadow and never leaves my side. When will this pain stop?

You sound like you need a hug so have a virtual one from me

I know it must be so hard but you always remind yourself you are better than them, why should they make you feel like this, they are not worth it at all, try taking your mind off it for a bit, watch tv or read a book, you show them you are stronger. That where reporting to the police comes in. When will you do it? Do you know?

Don't respond. Change your tel number/email address and remove them from FB. Don't have anything more to do with them - your DH should do the same. No contact. Go to the police with the threats too so they can be logged and dealt with above board. Don't tell DH you are doing it, just let him know after.

I know you are really angry about them ruining your wedding day but you have a choice really. You can either choose to let it ruin your future or you can choose to put it behind you and build a strong relationship with hubby minus the IL's (and BIL). It really sounds like life would be much better with zero involvement. They wanted to ruin your wedding day and your marriage by the sounds of it but take charge and decide not to let it ruin your life together.

In your situation I would renew your vows quietly to each other on your first day of the honeymoon. Just you and him - making the promises in your hearts to each other. Make a fresh start.

Omg, these sound like the worst ILs ever, not even a notch on mine and they are awful enough!
I would take the phone down to the police station and show the texts to them, threats to kill are an offence. Do not stand for it!!

Like my dh, your dh is a problem here-he needs to distance himself from them as much as possible and start standing up for you, his new wife.
Texting her back with "I love u xx" wtaf?, after such an abusive message that is very ignorant of him.

Your ILs sound like real bad news with their thuggish behaviour.
Keep away from them, don't iniciate any more visits as they sound like they shoukd all be locked up tbh

they live in Manchester. Chatsworth estate by any chance?

OK, I think you need to start trying to move on if it's affecting your children (and even the dog).

1. Your husband chose you & it was also his wedding that was spoilt. In fact it was worse for him in some ways because it was his family causing the trouble. So don't forget you are on the same side.
2. BIL is not really to blame, I can see why you're angry with him but it was the (invited) MIL who was screaming abuse. Not worth falling out with DH over the fact he is still speaking to him.
3. How pleased do you think the bitches will be if they knew you were still crying about this a week later? Don't give them the satisfaction, just telll DH that you will leave if he doesn't cut contact with them. Also if BIL phones again, ask him not to discuss the situation with him, you can bet it's being relayed back to MIL & SIL and they are enjoying the drama they have created.
4. Go to the police as advised, then try & put it to the back of your mind. Don't talk about it & try not to think about it - probably don't come back to this thread. Get on with your real life, the beautiful one that you will have with your DH & your daughters. Forget about the sad bitches who will probably live miserable twisted lives & die alone.

And enjoy your honeymoon, maybe have a little ceremony on the beach, just you and DH & remake your vows. Think sunsets & champagne, then use that memory as your 'wedding'.

You all sound bonkers.

"You all sound bonkers."

That's two people now who have lumped a distraught OP in with her evil in laws. Why, what has she done wrong?