To cringe a little bit when GPs say 'thank you' for grandchildren?

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

I understand the sentiment of course, i just feel this is a slightly weird thing to say.
Why 'thank you' as if it was a present, just for them.
Maybe it's just because my PIL are vile said this...

I think it's nice.

Much nicer than being told "You've got two perfect boys, you don't need to have anymore children now."

A gift from your DH seems to go back to the days when women were not equal. I have seen copies of the Times from 1914 and in the births announcements the woman doesn't get a mention, it is wife of ............., a son as if you are just producing a child for the man! You are equal parents-in it together -you shouldn't need a present for producing your own DC.

What I do find weird is people putting in baby cards; "Oh, you are so clever!"

Giving birth isn't clever, it's hard bloody work.

Nobody "deserves" diamonds for choosing to have children.

I did!

I obviously went wrong and should have negotiated a present before I thought to have a DC!

Perhaps. I didn't. It was a lovely surprise. Obviously the real prize was our gorgeous girls but for someone who doesn't get showered with expensive gifts it was very special to get some bling!

YANBU it is very weird.

My step MIL (who has a very poor relationship with DH) said 'thank you for my grandson' when she came to visit us in hospital. I was as the baby was not actually her grandson, and I did not have him for her. I had no idea what to say in response to that. It can't even have been the novelty factor as she already had several grandsons.

Don't remember anyone saying 'well done' to me either time though? Congratulations, but not well done.

Thank you is much nicer than "We can't afford for you to have any more children." (When we have never asked for a penny!) or "Not another boy, send him back."

I did find being called a clever girl a bit patronising when I had my first, especially as I had an emergency section so didn't even do any pushing out of small person.

MIL thanked me via text when dd was born (her first grandchild) which made me feel a bit... odd (she had not been overly thrilled about me being pregnant to start with) but when FIL came to see us in the hospital and saw dd for the first time, he welled up and said thankyou for bringing such a perfect grandchild into the world, to both me and dp. It made me feel very emotional as I knew that from him it was heartfelt.
When my own dad finally met dd, he also said thankyou, as she is technically his first grandchild (my step-sisters children all call him granddad but shes his first ACTUAL grandchild iyswim) and I knew this was heartfelt too

My mum bought me presents upon the birth of each DC (more of a well done for getting through labour). Whilst she hasn't thanked me directly she has made it abundantly clear that she adores her grandchildren and that they mean an awful lot to her. She said it is the most special relationship, as you love them like your own children but without the stress . I know she finds being a grandparent enjoyable and has said that they are the thing she treasures the most. My children adore her too, and they both have a special bond with my mum.

MIL was equally sentimental about the birth of DD. She said that it was amazing, better than her own birth (probably because she felt no pain this time round ). And I know that the DC's were also very special to her. This was made all the more poignant by the fact that she passed away not long ago. Whilst her passing was very sad, we found a special folder full of DC stuff that she had kept. DH was really pleased that she was able to experience being a grandparent before she died.

Forgot my massive YABU bit.

Fucks sake, I was told 'you silly cow' when I announced my last pregnancy!
And I bet you'll moan if they don't babysit!

This is on AIBU... but nobody can really say that the phrase making you cringe is unreasonable really.

I do agree with you OP, "Thank you" seems a strange choice of words. The joy a grandparent feels is visible and no words need to be uttered. Congratulations is most appropriate and Thanking someone for giving them grandchildren/ making them happy just seems inappropriate even if you do get on with your in laws (I do... still wouldn't want a thank you). It's not an offensive saying though.

Beamae
How is it that a gift from your husband is frowned upon? I went through agony with IVF, had a shocking pregnancy, ruined my body and I deserve the diamonds he bought me to say thank you. How being spoilt by your
husband is medieval, I just don't know.

Each to their own really. My own view is that all the agony and ruined body is rewarded with the birth of your child... your child is the gift.

I agree. I've already said that!

Omg!
If you say thank you to parent of your GC your damned.
If you buy your wife a present just because you want to acknowledge the spectacular thing she has done to your life, youre damned.

Do you really spend your lives quite so embittered and angry?! Who cares?!!! If your in laws thank you and your DH buys you a present, it's because THEY ARE HAPPY!! They're trying to make you realise the difference YOU have made to their lives.

Or you can keep on moaning. Up to you.,.,,

S'funny. The only posters getting het up and ranty on this thread are those who say its ok to say "thank you" for something that was not done for you.

Those who are saying it's a bit odd are just making mild observations.

Indeed Winky, the only posters that appear to be getting out of their pram are the ones who don't find it odd.

My Uncles partner refused to talk to him after the birth of their first child because he hadn't bought her a present to say Thank you... didn't matter that he was running about between several shops with a list and home for all the things she was demanding.

Personally just find being Thanked for giving birth odd...

As I asked, are any of you grandparents?

WinkyWinkola and GlassofRose - if not, you can't possibly imagine how you will feel if you are ever privileged enough to have grandchildren.

I hope you are lucky enough one day to experience that joy.

I've never heard it said. But I think it's quite sweet really. Can't see what's wrong with it. What sillyness to say I had precious baby not for you but for us. Can't see that at all I'm afraid. People should be glad the grandparents care so much.

Im with Winky on this one - the YABUs seem to be getting very irate!!! The YANBUs are just quietly wondering....

FiveFlowers, what?!? Nobody has said having gcs isn't brilliant, lovely, super, smashing, great. Or have I missed someone who said that's not the case.

All some people are saying - without venting spleen - is that to say thank you is odd because when one says thank you it is usually said in response to an intended gift/favour etc.

Gcs are not usually born to please gcs nor are they possessions to gift. This the phrase "thank you" isn't considered appropriate by some. They are allowed to consider it odd.

Were they getting all het up and angry about it (which they are not), then yes, I would say that is an OTT reaction.

It's not a big deal at all- unless you do actually have parents who do consider their gcs to be born to please them and be 'owned' by them. I'm sure there are a few of those about too. But that isn't what is being said here. Unless I've missed that too somewhere on this thread.

it is definitely a strange thing to say, I suppose it depends whether you think it is creepily proprietorial strange or sweet strange?

I'm not getting het up, ranty, confrontational or anything else, I'm just making a mild observation......op, YABU. IMO, obviously

Imho those of you who think it's weird are definitely overthinking it.

But, I agree it depends on how and by whom it's said.