AIBU. Want to go on holiday with mate for one week

[Zealey]

OK. I'd like a female perspective on this: I've got a DD who's two. My male best friend who I've known for decades wants to go on a once in a lifetime road trip from Vegas to San Fran. We are both keen poker players and have always talked about it. Of course I am equally happy for her to go on a 'once-in-a-life-time' trip with her female best friend. We have a good relationship and there is total trust. But she is having none of it and is mighty pissed that I even suggest such a thing. AIBU

You should do it. Plenty of families have one parent away for work for weeks at a time and that works for them - so what is the problem with one week for a holiday?

For us, and my kids are now all late teens, my DH has always had a holiday With his friends - either skiing or tennis - each year, and I've done nothing. But that's because I didn't want to be away from the family and there's no reason why that should have stopped my DH. ( we have had equally fabulous family hols tho, and at would make a difference )

That said, I was pretty pissed off the year he planned to go skiing when I was 7 months pg with our third, and even the fact that he asked still annoys me 16 years on!

Keep on talking it thru with your DW, maybe she would be able to agree to it if you waited til your DD was at nursery, which would make it easier for her?

@Gnoccininedoors. Thank you for your kind words. Obviously I'll agree with you. I find it sad that SOME posters here clearly have a default 'attack men' agenda and wouldn't dream of applying their strict criteria to females. Shame really.

OK. Thanks for all the feedback positive and negative. I've taken it on board and will have a discussion with my wife later. Tataa. :)

i'd love to go away on my own to do things my dh doesn't enjoy.

he likes to spend ALL his holiday with me.

so that means i don't get to indulge my hobby at all.

i'd be so happy for him to go away with his friends and have time off but he doesn't feel the same.

our solution is that i just don't go. i respect that he's worried about me going and that he wants to spend time with me.

it's only a week. i don't really see the problem personally. i think you should go if your dw can see her way to the compromise.

Why don't you go on a two couple holiday with your mate's OH too? And DC. Hire a huge campervan. You could make it a longer holiday and do chilled out bits as well as the poker sessions.

I went to the States for a week when DD1 was 2 directly after being away in Norway for a week with work. DH was happy for me to do that. He's been holidays too without me or DCs but usually for 4-5 days at most.

Just wanted to add to show I'm not against couples holidaying apart.

Gnocchi I don't think the OP is getting a slating for wanting to go on holiday so much as for his attitude, which is coming across as sulky teenager/dismissive of his wife's feelings.

FWIW I wouldn't object so long as we could afford for me to have the equivalent holiday, ie a weekend in a spa would not cut it, and a family holiday as well.

OP instead of dismissing your wife's feelings/objections try and find a solution that will suit you both.

I think the slating is unjustified too, and I can't see what he's said that's so bad!

I have no doubt that if a women posted this and her dh was saying he didn't want her to go, there would be plenty of posts going on about controlling behaviour and Emotional Abuse. No doubt at all.

It's a shame such hypocrisy and double standard are so prevalent on MN. It does women no favours whatsoever.

That said, I do think most posters have agreed with the OP that he is not unreasonable to want to go for away for a week with a friend.

Many posters have also pointed out that our opinions are not going to help the situation one way or another because it's only his wife's opinion that matters.

Going back to talk it over with her some more is the best option OP. Maybe you can get to the bottom of what's really bothering her. Good luck.