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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To contact the school regarding comments made about my son on Facebook?

145 replies

ColouringIn · 23/07/2012 17:13

My son is 9 and autistic with ADHD, his difficulties with his sensory environment are largely managed with 1-1 support and Medikinet to help with the ADHD. Using Mediknet was a last resort for me but within three months of starting the drug a year ago he finally learned to read and I could not ignore how much he caught up.

His maninstream school are fabulous with him and he has gone from below average attainment to average within a year.

So.....this week he came off of Mediknet on advice of the GP, to cut a long story short his blood pressure is sky high and it's likely to be the Mediknet wwhich has caused this.

The following day he went into school as usual and it was a disaster - DS ended up under a desk with hands over his ears as he could not cope with the noise in the classroom, his lovely LSA took him out to a quiet room so he could adjust. DS also had a part in the school concert which he has been so looking forward to and the school allowed him to take part as planeed because he had calmed down so much. He got half his lines done and then in error the children missed a small section of the play - this is no big deal and they carried on as planned but for DS it was a disaster as he giot confised and bewildered, he was on stage when he should not have been and evidently realised this as he looked distressed. He then came off the stage and found his 1-1 who tried to calm him down because he was cying not loud as I was in the second row and could just see the tears. His 1-1 took DS out and another child took over his part.

I collected DS from school just after lunch as they could not cope any longer, when I turned up DS got very emotional and started to cry, he cuddled into me and just sobbed and kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over because he felt like he had upset everyone.
I kept him off for the last two days of term wth permission of the headteacher and managed to get an emergency appointment with the paediatrician for Wednesday to try and sort things out. It has been a few days of hell trying to get help sorted etc

Then on Friday evening I got a phone call from another parent to tell me that DS had been referred tpo on a Facebook discussion by another parent as "the little shit who ruined the Yr 4 concert". I am devastated because this parent knows me and knows my DS, she is more than aware of his diagnosis. It will have been obvious to all the parents reading this who "the little shit" was.
Even worse this woman has a disabled child herself so should understand the issues but evidently not. Of course the twofaced bitch woman is really nice to my face.Hmm

My husband sent her a message (not rude) but just a polite message reiterating that DS is autistic and had become bewildered and confused when the play changed.

Her response was horrific

She was not sorry for referring to DS in this way
She calls her own kids "little shits" sometimes Hmm - Nice!
DS ruined the hard work of all the other children
The school were at fault for allowing DS to take part
She "knows" about special needs as she has a disabled child
DS "misbehaved and got away with it".

I have actually deactivated my Facebook account as I don't trust myself not to send my own reponse (which would not be polite).

I have written to the headteacher saying how angry and hurt I am by the comments made about DS on such a public forum and am passing on ALL her negative comments about the school.

I am trying not to let this eat me up but I am struggling I really am. My DS has such a difficult life at the best of times without people making comments like this on Facebook.

Can the school do anything?

OP posts:
PavlovtheCat · 23/07/2012 19:11

If I were a parent, and I read another parent on FB describing a pupil in this manner, SN or not, I would post some retort and then de-friend him or her immediately. So, it is likely that other parents would feel uncomfortable/shocked/upset by that comment too. I hope so.

TeapotsInJune · 23/07/2012 19:12

Dinah I agree

I think for me, the difference wasn't that he got upset - it was the extent to which he got upset, that isn't going outside a comfort zone, it must have been so distressing for him.

I realise some of that was due to the medication changes but there is a difference between basket weaving and high stress situations :)

Toughasoldboots · 23/07/2012 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett · 23/07/2012 19:16

Oh teapots. Your use of PA smilies and complete conviction you know best is actually leading me to wonder if you actually are my DS HT.

Sigh...

ColouringIn · 23/07/2012 19:16

Yep - special schools are nigh on impossible to get into. I have more or less been told that if I want DS to attemd a special school I will have to fight the LEA as he is just not severe enough. This is because he has been well supported on the whole in MS and has achieved academically to "average". The issues between lessons are managed with support but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worrying about how he will cope in secondary school.

OP posts:
longjane · 23/07/2012 19:21

This reply has been deleted

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MushroomSoup · 23/07/2012 19:22

I'm a primary Head. Everybody - and I mean everybody - has a part in our plays at whatever level they can cope with. We have many ASD kids who have very differing abilities and worries - we had the boy who struggles if things don't to plan as our 'introducer' and 'finisher' - these things always go ahead, regardless of what happens inbetween! One DC with a bad stutter played the main part one year. The play took longer but he got a standing ovation!
As to the FB comment there is very little school could do. But actions speak louder than words and I'm sure they will continue to include all of the children.

longjane · 23/07/2012 19:25

coloring in yes you going to have fight to get your son into special school
but if he is finding it hard to cope in primary
how will he cope in senior school

It is worth fight for as there are loads of teachers like teapot out there

who think the "special" kids should just sit in conner and do f all

overtherooftops · 23/07/2012 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shullbit · 23/07/2012 19:28

OP, I am so sorry to hear you have been on the receiving end of this womans vile mind :(

Don't think the school could do anything, and the way you have handled it is fantastic. Don't think I could of done in such a calm way.

Who runs the Facebook group which she posted it on?

I think I would be tempted to post on there the reply she sent to your partner and show others exactly what a lovely human being she is.

DinahMoHum · 23/07/2012 19:28

Longjane you are totally out of line. Teapots is only responsible for what she says, not how YOU interpret it.

Emmielu · 23/07/2012 19:48

What a complete & utter bitch. She obviously has NO effort to give to her disabled child. The school did really well involving your DS even after the meds were out of his system. It can be hard adjusting to new things both for the child & staff but she really didnt need to be so bloody rude & public about it. So what if the assembly went balls up. What assembly doesnt slip up a little when kids are involved?? Cow bag.

honeytea · 23/07/2012 19:49

This woman sounds like such a nasty horrid person. I'm sorry your son was spoken about in such a way OP. The person I feel most sad for is the vile mother's disabled child, if she feels it's ok to talk about someone elses child like that I hate to think how she talks about her own child.

shullbit has a great point, I'd post a copy of the message she sent your husband on the facebook group.

TeapotsInJune · 23/07/2012 19:59

Jane - if the child in question has a severe physical need. It would cause him actual physical harm if he had to participate in sports.

Wilson - how about you have the courage to actually explain what you think is wrong with what I think rather than make random comments I can't possibly respond to properly. You know full well I'm not your child's HT because I am not a HT. So why not actually explain why you think I'm wrong, rather than be passive aggressive about it?

pigletmania · 23/07/2012 20:00

YANBU what a nasty cowbag. At least people can see what a horrid vile woman she is

littlemachine · 23/07/2012 20:04

Sorry this has happened to you Sad In our school, the head does approach and speak to parents about incidents like this (although I'm not aware of any that have been via Facebook), so I think YANBU to inform the school.
It may not change what she said, but I hope they do speak to her and she's horrendously embarrassed. She deserves it. Bitch, Angry

WilsonFrickett · 23/07/2012 20:07

Teapots I have posted more than once on this thread why I think you are wrong.

TeapotsInJune · 23/07/2012 20:13

And I have explained my stance on things - fair enough, you don't agree, but I haven't made snide and unpleasant comments about you so why you feel the need to do the same about me, I don't know.

pigletmania · 23/07/2012 20:13

Dd (ASD) is going to a specialist autistic school in September, it s very hard to get into, but thanks to the head of her current mainstream school who has a dd with autism, really fought the lea on our behalf. All was done within a couple of months of requesting.

TenaciousOne · 23/07/2012 20:16

Yanbu. I'm fuming on your behalf she sounds like a lovely person. I personally do not agree with Teapots, obviously we should ignore and segregate everybody who is not NT Hmm

McHappyPants2012 · 23/07/2012 20:21

Your son will learn to cope with his austism but the Facebook women will always be a bitch and a heartless cow and will eventually drive every one away making nasty comments.

Op well done for rising above it

ekidna · 23/07/2012 20:24

Op-Sounds like this hideous woman possibly has some massive issues dealing with her own child which she is cruelly, very cruelly projecting on you/your son. I'm not sure what school can do but I think you should let them know this has happened in the school "community"

Teapots- your inclusion/ non- inclusion adjustment examples don't seem to have much sophistry.

altinkum · 23/07/2012 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PedanticPanda · 23/07/2012 20:29
perfectstorm · 23/07/2012 20:34

I would imagine the parents worth knowing are quite glad she posted the comments she did. I mean, personally I like knowing when people are stupid, bigoted and spiteful.