To contact the school regarding comments made about my son on Facebook?

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My son is 9 and autistic with ADHD, his difficulties with his sensory environment are largely managed with 1-1 support and Medikinet to help with the ADHD. Using Mediknet was a last resort for me but within three months of starting the drug a year ago he finally learned to read and I could not ignore how much he caught up.

His maninstream school are fabulous with him and he has gone from below average attainment to average within a year.

So.....this week he came off of Mediknet on advice of the GP, to cut a long story short his blood pressure is sky high and it's likely to be the Mediknet wwhich has caused this.

The following day he went into school as usual and it was a disaster - DS ended up under a desk with hands over his ears as he could not cope with the noise in the classroom, his lovely LSA took him out to a quiet room so he could adjust. DS also had a part in the school concert which he has been so looking forward to and the school allowed him to take part as planeed because he had calmed down so much. He got half his lines done and then in error the children missed a small section of the play - this is no big deal and they carried on as planned but for DS it was a disaster as he giot confised and bewildered, he was on stage when he should not have been and evidently realised this as he looked distressed. He then came off the stage and found his 1-1 who tried to calm him down because he was cying not loud as I was in the second row and could just see the tears. His 1-1 took DS out and another child took over his part.

I collected DS from school just after lunch as they could not cope any longer, when I turned up DS got very emotional and started to cry, he cuddled into me and just sobbed and kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over because he felt like he had upset everyone.
I kept him off for the last two days of term wth permission of the headteacher and managed to get an emergency appointment with the paediatrician for Wednesday to try and sort things out. It has been a few days of hell trying to get help sorted etc

Then on Friday evening I got a phone call from another parent to tell me that DS had been referred tpo on a Facebook discussion by another parent as "the little shit who ruined the Yr 4 concert". I am devastated because this parent knows me and knows my DS, she is more than aware of his diagnosis. It will have been obvious to all the parents reading this who "the little shit" was.
Even worse this woman has a disabled child herself so should understand the issues but evidently not. Of course the twofaced bitch woman is really nice to my face.

My husband sent her a message (not rude) but just a polite message reiterating that DS is autistic and had become bewildered and confused when the play changed.

Her response was horrific

She was not sorry for referring to DS in this way
She calls her own kids "little shits" sometimes - Nice!
DS ruined the hard work of all the other children
The school were at fault for allowing DS to take part
She "knows" about special needs as she has a disabled child
DS "misbehaved and got away with it".

I have actually deactivated my Facebook account as I don't trust myself not to send my own reponse (which would not be polite).

I have written to the headteacher saying how angry and hurt I am by the comments made about DS on such a public forum and am passing on ALL her negative comments about the school.

I am trying not to let this eat me up but I am struggling I really am. My DS has such a difficult life at the best of times without people making comments like this on Facebook.

Can the school do anything?

Wilson, I was talking specifically about our school play - I put there was a not entirely different situation in ours. In that case, it DID ruin it for the children.

However, that is beside the point. The OP has said her son was upset - really upset - when things went wrong in the play. In school plays, well, things go wrong, they are famousfor it. It seems a bit unkind to me to put a child who would get that distressed into that sort of stressful situation and stand back and watch the fireworks if you like. It's something I'd personally discourage, if I was the teacher in charge, and probably kindly suggest he got involved with something else.

Clearly, I should be struck off, never apply to any school to be a headteacher (despite not wanting to be!) and am probably all sorts of unsavoury things but I'd rather be that than put some poor child through something that gets him so wound up and stressed he can't even face the last 2 days of school.

Yes, the mother who wrote the comments was SO out of order but that didn't get the poor boy upset, did it?

Teapots I am really saddened to read your views. How is excluding a child from the play fair? The other students, as well as the OP's son, can learn valuable lessons about inclusion and working together from this.

Teapots Im glad my son doesnt go to your school.

He hasnt actually been to school for three years because his school was full of staff (teachers, lunchtime assistants etc) with attitudes like yours

So much for inclusion.

I would want to punch her fucking lights out.

YANBU - I don't imagine the school can do very much, but I'd feel better knowing they were at least aware of what a revolting individual this woman is.

Yellow - it's not a case of excluding him to be unkind, it's because having read the OP, the poor boy was upset, not just a bit teary but clearly extremely distressed, to the point of needing 2 days off school.

If something exceptional had happened that no one could have predicted then fair enough but the OP herself says something small went wrong - my point is that always happens in school plays and since that's almost a certainty, it seems quite cruel to stand back and wait for it to happen, knowing the poor lad will have a meltdown when it does.

I'm a bit annoyed no one else can see this in fact! No one would force a child in a wheelchair to take part in a race, would they - they'd find something better suited to his or her needs. If I was the teacher I'd have got him involved in a way that didn't have direct pressure - designing costumes or scripts or as a prompt, something that meant he wasn't going to get so wound up and upset.

Or should I just shrug and say "oh well, never mind! He was upset, crying and screaming and needed 2 days off school but in the name of inclusion, it was obviously the right thing to do"? I don't think it was. I think it was WRONG.

It sounds as though it all went horribly wrong, and that the school tried to include the little boy in a role he was coping with until things got confused in general.
These things happen, he did not ruin anything by the sound of it - he was taken somewhere quiet and another child took over his part. Where is the problem in that?

The parent who commented about it on facebook sounds toxic and nasty and no, I am sure the school cannot do anything about what she chooses to write on fb but it is true that everyone who saw her comments will now be aware that she is a really horrible person, and I doubt that any of them will remotely agree with her views.

OP I hope you are able to access some more (increased?) suitable support for your child, so that he does not have to go through these struggles he is experiencing on a regular basis. That does sound really unfair, it sounds as though his support in school might want reviewing, as he has been getting so upset by things - perhaps he was having a very stressful couple of days with the withdrawal from his meds?

Sorry, I am ignorant - I just can't bear the thought of a child struggling so much in school, and I hope he is Ok now x

Actually you know what ThreadWatcher you're right. It's a good thing he doesn't go to my school because we'd take account of his needs and try and find things suited to him that didn't make him stressed ot upset or unhappy.

I'm so pleased you found him this great school where he's treated exactly the same as everybody else and it's worked so well.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic because I'm fucking annoyed, actually. I've been painted as some heartless bitch when actually I am thinking of the CHILD.

He got half his lines done and then in error the children missed a small section of the play - this is no big deal and they carried on as planned but for DS it was a disaster as he giot confised and bewildered, he was on stage when he should not have been and evidently realised this as he looked distressed. He then came off the stage and found his 1-1 who tried to calm him down because he was cying not loud as I was in the second row and could just see the tears.

And you really think this did him good?

I am lucky in that my children go to a truly inclusive school. They teach the children that people are all different and that difference is good. They all learn Somerset Total Communication, a mix of sign language and pictures, not specifically just for deaf people but for other with problems communicating. They teach the parents this as well.

I don't think there is much the school can do about the tweo faced bitch mother with a total lack of empathy, but I know my childrens school is a culture where it would be very much frowned upon. I hope she meets with the disapproval that is her right in this situation and learns the error of her ways.

While I don't condone excluding children with special needs from school events, I think Teapot has a point that if a child reacts badly if something does go wrong, as it inevitably does, then its not good for the child's self-esteem. Instead of being a confidence builder as its meant to, it could be do more harm to the child.

stay calm, it was a bad time for him to come off his medication, he would be withdrawing. End of terms and school plays are a nightmare for autistic kids. My son was only given small sideline parts mostly so he could easily sneak off and do drawing in the classroom at the side if necessry, yet didnt feel excluded.This year (year 6) was the first time he managed a small speaking part, and so much prep goes into making sure he is prepared if things go wrong.
I would be devastated as you are, but im sure most other parents wont be thinking much of her after that.
I dont think there is anything the school can do, but i would definitely let them know

I am glad inclusion is alive and well . I have a DS with Autism and he has been included in every play/assembly etc. He may have shouted out and got upset momentarily, but he was included.

I dont know if the school can or would do anything op, but I would say something just so the teacher can be aware of it and support you if nothing else. The other woman sounds like a bitch.

What a disgusting woman, but I'm not entirely sure what the school can do as its an adult and now a child saying this.

teapots, I recently had to do with a play where students were making a story out of the book they'd been reading. One of them got so flustered she tripped and hit her eye so badly she had to be taken to A&E, and another one burst into tears after we finished because she was so stressed by being in front of everyone, and the boy she likes didn't smile at her.

They are all NT. Should they also be excluded? Oh ... and they're all 18-21!

People get upset. Sometimes it seems very silly to us looking on. But the OP's child did not deliberately do anything wrong so it is unfair to punish him. Excluding him from a play would be a punishment.

FWIW, yes, I've seen school races where a child in a wheelchair is raced along beside the others and it always looks like great fun!

Btw I can see what Teapots is trying to say, I think so anyway - a misjudgment on the part of the school put him in a vulnerable position, perhaps, by letting him take part after the earlier episode?

It sounds as though the school made a judgment based on the fact he seemed to have recovered sufficiently to take part and tried to include him on this basis.

I think they did the right thing, or tried to, perhaps it was a misjudgment on that particular day but I applaud them for the inclusion of children who might struggle with these situations - think how good it would have been for him had it all gone well. This is how the school should have acted. It went wrong, well, at least they tried.

Teapots As a child I was extremely shy and anxious. Every single birthday party, school play, fire drill was punctuated by the sound of my sobs. Should I have been left out since it was distressing for me?

I'm glad I wasn't, because it gave me a chance to learn how to deal with stressful situations.

A child can be included in a way that takes account of them as an individual, and doesn't just chuck them into a situation they can't cope with. I was a very shy little girl - no SEN, just shy. If I'd been asked to take the lead in a play, it would have been a nightmare!

You can include children, all children, in a way that takes into account them as individuals. I had a little girl allergic to water one year - I am sure some people will say she should have been allowed to take place in swimming races but we didn't. We found something else for her to do instead. Obviously, parents have the right to complain or withdraw their children from our terrible school, although to my knowledge no one has done so recently.

If this little boy had been in my class, I would have involved him in a way that didn't have him going on stage because I couldn't state firmly nothing would go out of the agreed plan and cause him distress. And let's be clear here, it wasn't just a few sniffles - it was two days off school. The poor lad must have been in absolute bits. :(

Of course, I'd still have had him go up and the end and take a bow and have applause (if he wanted to) for costume designing or soundtrack or whatever he wanted/was good at/could take pride in.

Happy child, happy parents - I think that's preferable to the situation described myself but clearly I am wrong, hate disabled children and should be struck off the teacher register immediately

I have to as it's so completely bloody ridiculous.

Thank you for the replies, I am still in a quandry about it all.

I am not offended by your comments teapots, it is hard when you look at a thread to see the whole picture. In actual fact, DS is great and manageable in school when he has medication.

I think the school had a tough call where the little play was concerned because DS had practiced and practiced his part and so wanted to do it. Had the play run as it should I doubt there would have been a problem. Things is he is one of only a few children in the school with autism and the only child in the Yr 4 play who had to be taken out so it would have been obvious to everyone who she meant.

I am calm again now - writing it down helped me.

Yeah, but teapots, would the OP necessarily know what was the ideal way for her son to be included? Would the teacher? Surely it's better to make the odd mistake than to exclude a child most of the time just in case they get upset?

I think that might be the reason.

I also think had he not wanted to take part, that would have been different, but it sounds as though he did want to and that alone means the school acted rightly, barring any obvious sign that it would distress him...and no, plays do not always go wrong.

There is a child with autism in ds's class and he takes part in all sorts of things without having any difficulty, or if he feels uncomfortable, he is able with certain techniques to control and deal with his feelings. I think some of this coping has come from practise. that is what school is about - not a perfect performance but the children benefiting, learning, from the experience.

It sounds as though the woman who said those things probably has some deep seated issues surrounding her own disabled child, which makes me very sad.

No Teapots you don't have to be struck off the teaching register , I value comments from teachers and DS's teacher is lovely, I am overjoyed that he has her again next year.

I think it was a difficult call for the school that day and a bad time for him to be off of his medication.

The woman sounds like a nasty bitch and what she ssaid on FB was lacking in empathy and compassion and her response to you was appalling. I understand how upset you are but tbh there is little point in dragging the HT into the argument - it is nothing to do with her and I'm not sure how you expect her to respond.

Teapot, please stop using all those grins!
This child is part of the school and has every right to be included in every aspect of it. So glad my DS is not at your school.

Teapots I'm so pleased you found him this great school where he's treated exactly the same as everybody else and it's worked so well.

Err not exactly! At the school my ds was at they insisted on treating him exactly the same as all the other children (as aspergers is invisible, to them at least). My son was suicidal aged 7 and they were not bothered.

So he has been HEd for the last three years. All he and I wanted was understanding and acceptance from the school and inclusion.