to want to get rid of the baby monitor? (and if not, how?)

[IfElephantsWoreTrousers]

DS is three year's old. He sleeps in a "big boy" bed and is getting more and more grown up.

We are still using a baby monitor. It is an old-fashioned radio-type that transmits all the time (not like these new digital ones that only switch on if there is crying). Therefore, every evening we had a soundtrack of listening to DS snoring. DS snores VERY loudly (I think he has a sinus problem but that's a question for another day) so it's very intrusive. However, if I turn the volume down to be less intrusive, DH is unhappy because then he can't be sure it's loud enough to hear if DS needs us. He has to have it loud enough so that we can still hear the snoring over the soundtrack of whatever other noise we have on such as TV, music etc.

Our house is quite solidly built and you can't easily hear noise from another part of the house. It is true that IF DS woke up and IF he called out something like "mummy I need a wee" or "I want my blanket" (he regularly kicks off his duvet while asleep) then we wouldn't hear him at first without the monitor. We would probably hear him after a while IF he got distressed enough to shout in a more sustained and loud way. However, most nights (at least 4 out of 5) once he is asleep there is no need for us to go up again.

DH says he doesn't want to get rid of the baby monitor until DS is old enough to get up and come downstairs and fetch us if he really needs something and it is important. I reckon this wouldn't be the case until about the age of seven.

So - when did you get rid of the baby monitor, and what did you do to ensure you could be summoned if you were really needed?

Get one of the new monitors! Problem solved.

I'm presuming you don't leave it on overnight. You trust ds to come and find you in your room if he needs you. I think I would do the same in the evenings. If he is able to walk downstairs unaided and he is safe to do so I can't see why he wouldn't be able to come and get you in the living room if he needs anything. Or he could call over the bannisters.

Move the mOnitor to the landing or some thing so the snores are muffled but if he called out for you - you'd still hear

"DH says he doesn't want to get rid of the baby monitor until DS is old enough to get up and come downstairs and fetch us if he really needs something and it is important. I reckon this wouldn't be the case until about the age of seven"

seven?????? seriously???

Most children can get up and find their parents by the age of 2 or 3.. and should certainly be able to get up and downstairs to a toilet by the age of 4 without any help.

DD1 is three and we still have a monitor, but only because she has a tendency to get up and play after we have put her to bed and we like to keep tabs on how long she is messing around for! Also, from the kitchen you can't hear her bedroom at all, so I take it in there if I am cooking and want the radio on, etc.

I think TBH your issue is not the monitor, but your DH's slightly obsessive approach to it. Is it one where you could turn down the sensitivity a bit, so it wouldn't pick up the snoring even with the volume high-ish? Or does it have lights - could you put it where your DH could feel comfortable he could see them alongside quiet sound.

Agree with Wiffle, just get one of the new ones.

Why can't he come down and fetch you now? I have DTs aged 2 upstairs, we got rid of the monitor at about 18 months when it broke. We just listen out for them when they first go down, but they shout loudly if really needed.

For DS1 aged 5 he has no monitor and he hasn't had one for ages, no problem he just shouts if he needs us, goes to the loo if needed and if he really needs us he comes downstairs.

I don't see why you have to have the monitor so loud, I'd find it really annoying. Why are you so anxious about this?

Even if he isn't capable of getting up and coming downstairs (not sure why he wouldnt be able to), surely if he shouts you can hear him?

DD is 7mo and we only every use her baby monitor when on holiday (big self catering house, bedroom often quite far away). We have an old thick walls house and I can hear her muttering / chuntering on as soon as she starts.

I still have one. DS is 4.5.

However, I'm on my own and so can please myself and I quite like hearing DS's little snores and sighs when I'm watching TV in the evening.

Also, he never gets out of bed once he's in it and I don't want to suggest to him that he could come and find me if he needs me...He knows that the monitor is on and he can yell if he needs me (not sure I'd hear him without, especially with the TV on) but he never does.

I like worriedwretch's suggestion of moving it to the landing, or a new monitor?

Yep agree with some of the PP get a new one if your one annoys you but you still want to use it

I'm a bit about this tbh. We didn't even use the baby monitor for dc3 after the first 3 months, though, so maybe I'm not the right person to ask. In fact we freecycled it when she was 5 months as we'd hardly used it. And yes, we live in a big house and wouldn't hear her (except at night time). But so what? We go and check now and again....

Our theory is - if they really need you, they can yell. I really don't want my dcs to believe that if they call, I leap to attention, especially in the middle of the night. For Pete's sake - he's 3! Why shouldn't he have to shout a bit before you go running at 3am?

And why on earth do you need to listen to him snore all evening?

seriously? my 2.9yo can come and find us, and annoyingly frequently does, after he's put to bed. unless you live in a mansion, I honestly don't think you need a monitor once your child is in a bed.

(we never had one though, as DS has always been pretty vocal, and our house isn't large)

I think the clue is in the name "baby" monitor... they are for babies..

We got rid of ours last month after coming back from holiday. DS is 2.10. He's been able to get up and find us since he went into a big bed last July! Is there any reason why your DS can't do the same?

Ummm...never ,ever used a baby monitor!
If my kids cried,I could hear them, because we lived in a flat when they were very young.
And, even then, I used to leave it a bit before going in to them because quite often they would just re-settle themselves anyway. I always used to check in on them every now and again, anyway. I don't see the need to be on permanent alert or availability.

I'm confused as to why you think he'll be 7 before he can come and find you?

I'm a bit too. We got rid of ours after a couple of months, I couldn't sleep for all the snuffling and occasional yelps.

We could hear quite well when she was crying without the monitor.

I'm struggling to think of a reason why you would need one for a child that could quite clearly get out of bed and come and get you if he needed something.

I've only just realised that some MNers have slept (or tried to) with a baby monitor on

Why?

I always thought they were for the bit of the day when dc was in bed and I was in the garden/cooking/watching tv/looking after other dcs/next door having a cuppa.....why would anyone try to sleep through all those snuffles and coughs and little cries???

We left out bedroom door a crack open for a few months. Does that make me a bad parent?

We got rid of DS2's monitor about a year ago when he was around 12 mo. We can hear him if he cries or shouts, and we have a biggish house with thick walls.

We still have one but mainly as our dd2 shares the bedroom with dd1 (our dd2 is 15 months) and doesn't sleep through yet.
I don't see anything wrong in it esp as if I can get to dd before she has woken up fully to cry/shout properly it's much easier to get her back off to sleep.
But like anything, it's up to you when your comfortable enough to get rid of it. Can't you leave your bedroom doors open when you go to bed so can hear better?

Just ditch it. I had one when DS was born and tried using it once or twice, but it picked up interference from the local taxi company, so I gave up. Never even bothered with DD, and her bedroom was on the second floor, living room on ground floor.

By three they either don't really need you (surely he can pick up a child-sized duvet?) or should be able to shout loud enough or come and get you.

7 years old?

A lot of 7 year olds that I used to teach have been to dozens of sleepovers, Lots even did our school residential. They can sure as heck come and find you if they need you long before that age.

I don't understand why he can't come and get you now. Or shout loud enough if he needs you. Your dh is being vvvv pfb.

Ds is 17 months and we still use one. It has a breathing mat that flashes when he breathes.
We switch the alarm off but as he has just gone in a bed he has a habit of sliding to the end of the bed and on the floor.
Or he gets up and plays. If it stops flashing I know he is out of bed. The sound is switched off and I don't take it to bed.
He has been going straight to sleep lately so I will get rid in a few weeks.
That said dd had hers until she was 6 and still has a baby gate. She is 8. This because she sleep walks and fell down the stairs once. She can't open when asleep and we have found her on the floor next to it. The sleep walking has calmed in the last 18 months. After a few weeks of peace we removes the monitor, but I am still concerned about the taking the gate down.
As it stands she is sharing with as whole we have some work done. If she doesn't have a another episode
betwee. Now and the work finishing I will consider removing it.
What I am trying to say, I get that sometimes we feel kids need these things and they don't.
At 3 if dd needed us she would open her gate and come get us.
I loved the first few nights without the monitor.