to want to get rid of the baby monitor? (and if not, how?)

[IfElephantsWoreTrousers]

DS is three year's old. He sleeps in a "big boy" bed and is getting more and more grown up.

We are still using a baby monitor. It is an old-fashioned radio-type that transmits all the time (not like these new digital ones that only switch on if there is crying). Therefore, every evening we had a soundtrack of listening to DS snoring. DS snores VERY loudly (I think he has a sinus problem but that's a question for another day) so it's very intrusive. However, if I turn the volume down to be less intrusive, DH is unhappy because then he can't be sure it's loud enough to hear if DS needs us. He has to have it loud enough so that we can still hear the snoring over the soundtrack of whatever other noise we have on such as TV, music etc.

Our house is quite solidly built and you can't easily hear noise from another part of the house. It is true that IF DS woke up and IF he called out something like "mummy I need a wee" or "I want my blanket" (he regularly kicks off his duvet while asleep) then we wouldn't hear him at first without the monitor. We would probably hear him after a while IF he got distressed enough to shout in a more sustained and loud way. However, most nights (at least 4 out of 5) once he is asleep there is no need for us to go up again.

DH says he doesn't want to get rid of the baby monitor until DS is old enough to get up and come downstairs and fetch us if he really needs something and it is important. I reckon this wouldn't be the case until about the age of seven.

So - when did you get rid of the baby monitor, and what did you do to ensure you could be summoned if you were really needed?

"seriously? my 2.9yo can come and find us, and annoyingly frequently does, after he's put to bed. unless you live in a mansion, I honestly don't think you need a monitor once your child is in a bed."

See... We can talk back on ours. We can tell him to get back in bed and we don't have to move. Bonus

I wasn't being smug and I don't think you're being bitchy or PA, Jareth. Different strokes and all that. We had a three story house when mine were little (and baby DC2 and DC3 slept on a different floor after the third month) but I'm a bit of an opportunist and chose to take advantage of the fact that DH is a very light sleeper and that after 5 years of waking up for pregnancy/nursing/newborns I physically and emotionally couldn't handle any more getting up in the night... Getting rid of the monitor was a survival tactic .

"Fuck off to all of you that say you don't use them" is a bit harsh, considering that the OP specifically asked what other people did. "Fuck off to all of you that say you don't use them and therefore no one else should use them either ", fair enough.

We (whispers nervously) don't use one but, OP, could you stalk Freecycle for a more up-to-date model? Or try NCT nearly new sales if there's one in your area. On the snoring, I think EITHER (a) your DS's snoring is much quieter than the noise he would make if he woke up/needed something (in which case you will be fine to turn down the volume just to the point where you can't hear the snoring any more and you'd still be able to hear anything important OR (b) he is snoring abnormally loudly for a 3yo and other posters are right that it's worth getting him checked out by a doctor for any ENT problems.

yes. whisper.
We still use ours.. but tbh it's for when DS (4yo) wakes at 6am and we can tell him to get back to bed and turn his light off without getting out of bed.

"DC. Turn the light off and get BACK to BED or I will take away your lego"

"night night 'MUM'. Love you.

< Also whispers nervously>

We've never used one. Mainly because with DC1 we couldn't afford it and then if you haven't used it for pfb you don't need it for the DCS2, 3 & 4. Although we never used stair gates either. Have been living in our old thick walled house for a few years now, and since DD2 was 3, I could hear her from the fourth floor if I was on the ground and my hearing is shit.

In answer to your questions,

I think you are underestimating him. If he is potty trained I would expect him to do that himself without contacting you through the monitor and you going to him.

I'd also expect him to deal with the covers himself.

I tend to think things like the monitors make themselves indispensable, because you become, as it sounds your DH has, reliant on them and feel like you couldn't manage without them, but if you didn't have them you would be fine.

I can't see that in even a large house, one loud shout couldn't attract your attention.

In our house baby monitors become pointless once child can climb out of their cot (18 months in DD1s case). Then they can wander into our room at night or lean on the stair gate and yell if we are downstairs.

Monitor didn't stop DD1 getting up to mischief, she'd just get up very, very quietly and go and wreck the bathroom or the, then spare room (hence bolts on the top of our upstairs doors).

Ha.. we still have gates on doors

We used one for DS1, and had one for DS2 but gave up using it after a few months. I could hear him anyway so didn't need it.

Had to laugh at the 7 years old comment though. My DS1 has been able to come and find me in whatever house we are staying in (and my mum does have rather steep stairs and they curve), pitch black or not, since he was about 3 and a half. Honestly, it will not take him until he is 7. You are way overthinking this and underestimating your DS. Nowhere will be safe from him soon, nothing. As a previous poster said, you will no doubt wake to find your place has been trashed at some point

Gates won't stop them forever

Do you have some of those nightlights on the landing, surely if you have the living room door open and a stair gate at the top of the stairs you would be able to here him if he called you from the top of the stairs.

If you do live in a mansion and he has his own wing then you probably have enough money to buy a new moniter.

I have 3 DC and I never used or wanted a baby monitor.

Omg! Baby monitors are for babies not 3 year olds! Unless he has sn he can pick up his own blanket. If the toilet is on the same floor I'd expect a 3 yo to go themselves, just leave the light on. You are being very pfb and are going to have big problems later on if you continue in this vein.

I just remembered something else about being little myself, there was a potty in my room, so that if I did get up in the night for a wee, I didnt need to go wandering around the house in the dark.

If you don't want him to come down and get you (and frankly if you've managed to avoid it so far, hurrah for you!), can you turn the sound off but still have a light that comes on when there's an unusually loud noise? Our old (crap) one used to do that.

"would you expect a 3yo to cope with his duvet alone?" YES!

If you want to get rid of it but DH doesn't why not have a trial run? Turn it off for a couple of nights and see if your DS even notices.

I've never ever had a baby monitor, why would you need one, surely babies cry loud enough that you can hear them even if they are upstairs!

I used to live in a town house and I could hear my baby from the ground floor when she was upstairs on the 2nd floor.

My plan would be to put a stair gate at the top of the stairs, and plug the monitor in there. That way if he gets to where he needs you and has come out his room to find you, you will hear him shouting on the monitor and come to see to him.
I had a monitor for both my kids because I didnt want them to get as far as crying and screaming when they were tiny before I heard and went into them. It worked well for me, but we did invest in a second hand digital one from eBay, as the non digi one picked up other houses on the street, the local taxi company and even interference from the electric wiring in the house.

To be honest, by the age of 6, you should be able to give him a mobile phone, and he can ring you when he wants his blankie putting back over his little legs... .. if not younger..

We still use one with my 4.5 year old.

My hearing isn't fantastic and I'm a heavy sleeper. We've got a BT one and the sensitivity is turned down low so I can only hear him if he's yelling. I turn it up so it's live if he's poorly though. He's perfectly capable of coming in to uus

Nothing wrong with having one if you want one.

*He's perfectly capable of coming in to us in the morning, but if he wakes in the night he is often inconsolable.

how on earth did people manage before baby monitors were invented? seriously how?

I am [shockk] at three and four year olds still having baby monitors in their bedrooms.

We lived in a huge house, and I dont think baby monitors even existed in the early 70's.. we certainly didnt have one. I just had a very good set of lungs as a toddler... the sound of "muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum" could be heard by the next door neighbours...

I did apparently once shout my mum to tell her my feet had fallen off my hot water bottle... she was about to reposition it, when my Dad who was earwigging on the conversation told her to get a grip, and told me to stop messing about and get to sleep.

It's not a huge house at all - it's a 1930s very solidly built council house, 2-up-2-down, from the days before woodframe lightweight buildings were invented, and sound just does not travel. There was one time when DS was very poorly, I was in his room and DS had just vomited all over me, the bed and himself. I wanted DH, who was downstairs cooking (he did have the extractor fan on in the kitchen). I yelled at the top of my lungs, stamped on the floor, but he didn't hear a thing.

I'm still torn between trying to wean ourselves (esp DH) off it altogether or finding a less intrusive way to keep it. The variety of responses here have been interesting and at least have sown that it's not completely clear-cut either way. I've found a digital one on ebay that I can probably get for not very much money so long as no-one else bids on it (hands off OK, it's mine!) - which way I go down may depend on whether I win the auction...

Of course people managed perfectly well before baby monitors, although I remember going to fetch my mum in the middle of the night when my little brother had croup and had been coughing for ages. He was about 18 months old, I was about 3. Mum hadn't heard him and was fast asleep.

BUT we also managed perfectly well without all kinds of modern conveniences, like mobile phones. It doesn't mean that we shouldn't use them now, if they make our lives easier.