to want to get rid of the baby monitor? (and if not, how?)

[IfElephantsWoreTrousers]

DS is three year's old. He sleeps in a "big boy" bed and is getting more and more grown up.

We are still using a baby monitor. It is an old-fashioned radio-type that transmits all the time (not like these new digital ones that only switch on if there is crying). Therefore, every evening we had a soundtrack of listening to DS snoring. DS snores VERY loudly (I think he has a sinus problem but that's a question for another day) so it's very intrusive. However, if I turn the volume down to be less intrusive, DH is unhappy because then he can't be sure it's loud enough to hear if DS needs us. He has to have it loud enough so that we can still hear the snoring over the soundtrack of whatever other noise we have on such as TV, music etc.

Our house is quite solidly built and you can't easily hear noise from another part of the house. It is true that IF DS woke up and IF he called out something like "mummy I need a wee" or "I want my blanket" (he regularly kicks off his duvet while asleep) then we wouldn't hear him at first without the monitor. We would probably hear him after a while IF he got distressed enough to shout in a more sustained and loud way. However, most nights (at least 4 out of 5) once he is asleep there is no need for us to go up again.

DH says he doesn't want to get rid of the baby monitor until DS is old enough to get up and come downstairs and fetch us if he really needs something and it is important. I reckon this wouldn't be the case until about the age of seven.

So - when did you get rid of the baby monitor, and what did you do to ensure you could be summoned if you were really needed?

Parents used to have to manage without car seats...

Good point Just

Yanbu to want to get rid of it. Dd is just 3 and can fix her duvet herself. She kicks it off all the time. But since age two has fixed it herself. She also gets up to the loo in the dark and doesn't shout for us. I think if your ds whimpers and you go in to fix his duvet everytime then he has no reason to do it himself. If I were you i would let him get on with it. If you feel you need a monitor the eBay one sounds good

I use a monitor for my 5 and 6 year olds.

We are in the (very sound-proof) loft, our children on the next floor down and I wear ear plugs as my husband sometime snores. We also keep all doors shut (no point in having fire doors if they are kept open). There is no way I'd hear them call me when I am in my deepest sleep. They sometimes have to call pretty loudly over the monitor as we have it on low sensitivity/loudness. I must be a really soft touch because I think getting out of bed in the middle of the night if you feel poorly and having to go onto a different floor is quite scary for a 5 or 6 year old.

I also have concerns about fire as we are on a different floor. We have smoke alarms in both the children's rooms and I'd rather hear that at the earliest possible opportunity. They could (and have with previous false alarms) sleep through an alarm.

justfabulous yes, parents used to do without car seats and there were many more serious and fatal accidents involving children and cars

How is that relevant to monitors?

I am still of the age range that a BABY monitor is used 5, 6 10,!!! There is a lot of cotton wooling going on

I responded to Just because I assumed she was saying it was a bad thing, I hope to God thats what she was saying because the alternative is appalling.

Ah, yes... you may well be correct! My sarcasm monitor has been unplugged this evening to make space for the baby monitor.

Bollocks to the nay sayers.

One of the main reasons we still use the monitor with 4.5yo DS is that (from a different floor) we can tell him to get back in bed, switch his light off or just talk to him over the radio without having to GET OUT OF BED.

DS will play happily in his room until at least 8am if he knows we can hear him. We can talk to him at a normal volume over it, and he's never had to get to the screaming stage to get our attention. He's a very happy boy and I'm firmly in the benign neglect camp. Believe me, the monitor is more for my benefit than his - BUT it makes things so much easier.

It;s not about babying him at all. I really can't hear him from downstairs without the monitor and I like that he can just call if he needs me, and if he doesn't I can tell him to go to the loo/find his own bear/get his own drink without having to do it for him. To me this is the opposite of babying. I can make sure he can do things for himself, while I'm lazing on the sofa watching Dexter. Win win!

If he moves to the loft room when he's older then we will continue to use the monitor for as long as it works.. purely because it's fucking EASIER. Like I said though - it's an intercom for us.

I have never used a baby monitor in my life. Our kids don't sleep on the same floor as us, but we hear them all too well just fine. Your husband is mental. Also your kid should be able to fetch his own blanket by now.

Nice, this has turned into the usual controlled crying bashing.

Jareth, I am incapable of leaving him to cry. Unfortunately I go into full alert with every broadcast snuffle and snort though, so am going to put monitor further away so I can hear him calling for me but not leap out of bed in red alert mode whn he is just huffing and groaning turning over. He slept in our room til he was 13 months and I have never got the hang of sleeping through the smallest squeak.

I have never had more than 5 hours sleep since he was born and that is because of the bloody monitor. I jump to it when I shouldn't and then can't get back to sleep.

I just need to move it further away and relax a bit I think.

If CC was stress free for all involved then there would be nothing to bash would there?

Napdamnyou - sorry, didn't mean to judge. I'm having an extremely bad day. Of course you wouldn't leave him - but I understand the madness that this type of sleep-deprivation brings.

Thanks for not snapping back, I was bitchy in my comment.

Seriously? I put mine (1y and 4y) to bed at 8pm, check them at 11pm (often just listen at the door) and then dont go near them til they make noise in the morning. Perhaps the monitor could meet with an ahem accident?

I'm a neglectful mother. Dd had a monitor until 1yo as she was on a different floor to sleep (we didn't use it while in the living room as could hear her there) DS never had one. Dc3 will have one for the evenings as will be on a different floor to living room and I don't want him/her to wake dd up (who is on the same floor)

I do have a friend who uses one in the evenings for her dcs and they are 5yo. My kids (5+7 yo) come downstairs if they need me, but that hasn't happened often. Although I felt rather guilty when DS came downstairs one evening, I snapped the obligatory 'get back to bed' only for him to say 'I've been sick on myself'

If I were you I'd put the monitor outside the door so you don't hear the snoring etc.

Different strokes for different folks and all that!

I got rid of the baby monitor when DD1 was about four months old. I used it when I went down to the basement laundry of the building we lived in. I had four more babies and never used it once for any of them. I woke at the first whimper for all of them and never let them get themselves worked up. DD3 didn't sleep through the night until she was about 2.5. I had got out of the habit of sleeping heavily very early on in the game and just resigned myself to the fact that I would sleep when the last one turned 3 or whatever..

That being said, DS slept in a cot in my room until he was about 1, and I co-slept with the three youngest until they were about 2 on average. I also didn't put any of them to bed until about 9 pm and they went out like lights at that point, and stayed sleeping until a reasonable time in the morning. No calling and bothering people once put to bed, ever.

Your DH has a problem imo.

My first thought is that he needs to address his fears because this is absolutely nuts.
Then I wondered if he has a hearing problem and is compensating for that. Interesting he couldn't hear you over the extractor fan. Maybe he can't hear anything else when the TV is on and it bothers him? Having it turned up so loud that you are regaled by the sound of snoring every night while relaxing at the tv indicates he mightn't be able to hear two sounds at once, but also that he is too nervous about the DS, how he is doing when out of his sight. Maybe what he needs is some sort of hearing aid as well as some way to ease anxiety?

Really nice snide judgey comments on here. Lovely.

Surely it is just parental choice, affected by parenting style and house design. We have a town house with some points where you CANNOT hear what's going on on the floor above, just the way it is. So the baby monitor has become an intercom. DS is 2 and very rarely needs us but we can hear him when he does.

We also use our phones as internal intercoms when we are 3 or 4 floors apart. Obviously this makes us horrible people.

Are children not able to use their legs or voices to get attention. Don't you go up and check during the evenings!

He does use his voice, and thanks to the monitor/intercom we can hear him. Is that really a problem?

Piglet - I don't go up to check during the evenings because DD has always been such a rubbish sleeper that even opening her door gently would wake her - and then she'd be awake for the next hour until we finally managed to get her back to sleep. Therefore we have a monitor. If she's not fine she shouts and we go in to her to see what's wrong. Saves disturbing her when she's fine... Also means she doesn't have to wait until we finally hear her if something is wrong.

It's our parenting choice. It's not your parenting choice. I respect your choice but wouldn't choose it, please respect mine, even if you wouldn't choose it.

I still don't understand where the cotton wool comes in here. I just like to be able to hear what's going on with dd before it turns into upset screaming because then I can deal with it more quickly which is good for everyone. I can judge if she is just moaning in her sleep and I don't go rushing in if that's the case. It feels like people are rushing to make a judgement here without thinking it through.

It is not cotton wool, it is because my house is sooooo big.