to want to get rid of the baby monitor? (and if not, how?)

[IfElephantsWoreTrousers]

DS is three year's old. He sleeps in a "big boy" bed and is getting more and more grown up.

We are still using a baby monitor. It is an old-fashioned radio-type that transmits all the time (not like these new digital ones that only switch on if there is crying). Therefore, every evening we had a soundtrack of listening to DS snoring. DS snores VERY loudly (I think he has a sinus problem but that's a question for another day) so it's very intrusive. However, if I turn the volume down to be less intrusive, DH is unhappy because then he can't be sure it's loud enough to hear if DS needs us. He has to have it loud enough so that we can still hear the snoring over the soundtrack of whatever other noise we have on such as TV, music etc.

Our house is quite solidly built and you can't easily hear noise from another part of the house. It is true that IF DS woke up and IF he called out something like "mummy I need a wee" or "I want my blanket" (he regularly kicks off his duvet while asleep) then we wouldn't hear him at first without the monitor. We would probably hear him after a while IF he got distressed enough to shout in a more sustained and loud way. However, most nights (at least 4 out of 5) once he is asleep there is no need for us to go up again.

DH says he doesn't want to get rid of the baby monitor until DS is old enough to get up and come downstairs and fetch us if he really needs something and it is important. I reckon this wouldn't be the case until about the age of seven.

So - when did you get rid of the baby monitor, and what did you do to ensure you could be summoned if you were really needed?

Thank you for all your replies and suggestions. I especially appreciate the various PFB comments as this is my feeling too (except that I can't think of a workable alt plan) but DH disagrees.

Responding to some of the things - no we are not going to spend an extra 40 quid that we don't have on a new baby monitor. The reason the one we have is crap is that we got it on freecycle, and the reason for that is that we don't have spare money.

I don't think either of us would be comfortable with him coming downstairs alone - the stairs are steep, and uneven, and he does slip occasionally even in the day time (when we are there to steady him), and it would be dark (no we can't leave the light on just there).

We don't need the monitor at night, we can hear him fine from our bedroom. Downstairs with the TV on, we wouldn't hear a shout from the top of the stairs.

The reason I said 7 is that I can't see a 3/4/5 year old knowing the difference between actually important (I feel sick / my bed has collapsed under me / something actually bad has happened) and trivial (bunny wants another kiss goodnight) - having the maturity to make that decision and then being able to come downstairs carefully and safely. At the moment he is very good at knowing that he is not allowed out of bed after lights out unless he needs the potty. I am finding it tricky to imagine how complex the "unless" would have to be if we revise this rule - or that the 3y.o. brain is capable of remembering and acting on such rules - am I underestimating him?

On the occasions when we do go to him at the moment having heard him on the monitor, it is usually because he has kicked off the covers in his sleep and can't get them arranged back over him single handed - would you expect a 3y.o. to cope with his duvet unassisted? At the moment he whimpers about wanting his legs covered, we go and sort it out, he never properly wakes up and drifts back to sleep. I wouldn't want to substitute him coming downstairs for this, obviously!

I like the idea of putting the listening bit in the hall outside the bedroom. I will work on getting DH to accept this. With any luck we'll then lose the snoring and the ignorable mini-whimpers, but hear it if something distresses him enough to actually make a fuss.

I'm more worried about the snoring.
Tonsils? Adenoids?
have you had his hearing checked?

Whatever you decide dont literally "get rid" of the monitor. They come in handy for many things but especially illness, very useful for coughs especially.

never had one for any of the little darlings.

dont see the point . we evolved this far without 'em. They have gobs dont they

IfElephantsWoreTrousers... you are thinking too much. chuck it out you'll all get on just fine.

"The reason I said 7 is that I can't see a 3/4/5 year old knowing the difference between actually important (I feel sick / my bed has collapsed under me / something actually bad has happened) and trivial (bunny wants another kiss goodnight) - having the maturity to make that decision and then being able to come downstairs carefully and safely."

Trust me, by 6 he will be racing down those stairs with his eyes closed, and yes, he will occasionally go flying down them too, but unless you intend to keep him downstairs unless under supervision, he will learn to go up and down them quite easily!

I could go down the stairs at my parents house in the dark no problem even now.. it is one of those things that you get used to and can do automatically.

We all parent differently. My dd is 2.9 and we still have the monitor on over night. We're fairly heavy sleepers and I'm concerned that the radio is easier for us to sleep through than, "mummy, I need a wee" at 7 am... I know this sounds terrible, but she can't open her bedroom door herself to get to the loo but likes the door shut at night. Perhaps we'll get rid when she's a bit taller and can reach the door handle.

I don't understand why he needs to shout you to go to the loo. What does he need you for? Surely he can go on his own?

My DD2 is 6 and has been getting out if bed to go to the loo since she was toilet trained at 2 1/2yo.

Also he needs to learn how to sit up and pull his blanket back on, maybe three is a bit young for this but he should be doing this within the next 12 months.
I mean, he'll be reposnsible for toileting himself and getting himself dressed and undressed for pe when he is at school in two years (or potentially less depending on when his birthday is).

Ditch it, he is 3 not 3 mo the, if he needed you he will sure find a way to let you know. Unless he has a medical condition there really isent a need fr one. I am at the number of cotton wool parents, a baby monitor at 4.5 years.

Had one for PFB.

Set it up again for DC2 (but never used it).

Given away to Salvation Army about one week after DC3 arrived.

I was an insomniac while I was still nursing in the night, so didn't require electronic assistance and then after that I made it my business to catch up on 5 years of lost sleep and knew DH would be more than happy to attend to any of the children's nocturnal demands.

Take the batteries out and feign ignorance.

Hope that helps .

We don't use a monitor but we do live in a small terraced house so usually hear what is going on upstairs. Both DCs have a healthy set of lungs to ensure we know if there is a problem.

We still use ours... my DC share a room, and they're 6 and 3. I have never realised this is odd!

We always sleep with it on- I would never hear them otherwise (v deep sleeper). We had to use it when DC2 was small, to prevent DC1 from waking him up (lots of calling out in the night, bad dreams etc)

Sorry- meant to say, in the evening, we have it on too, in case there's a problem- I have very poor hearing, so really cannot hear them, particularly if down the other end of the kitchen.

I'm with your dh on this one, I still use the baby monitor for ds1 (3.2yo) and have it on all night and have done since he went into his own room at 7mo. I can't sleep now if I can't hear his snores and snuffles and when ds2 moves out of our room I expect I'll have two monitors by my bed all night - pfb and pfsb

Agree with pp that a sensible compromise for you would be to move it away from the bed.

Just read part about snoring. Defo. ask your GP about that. My DC2 was a very loud snorer (with no other health issues). He turned out to have enlarged tonsils/adenoids and had to have them removed (never snored again and slept much better afterwards).

Also, don't go running every time he kicks the covers off, or else he'll expect you to do it every time (obviously). Most three year olds can handle pulling the duvet back over their legs.

Oh dear lindsell

He did we ever survive withou them in the past

Exp made me switch ours off when dd was about 1. He reckoned it kept me awake and was pointless because she was only across the hall anyway. I did and it probably took me over a year to sleep properly.
I never want to undermine anyone's anxiety as I've been there trust me so I can see where op SH is coming from BUT I think the compromise needs to be you get a digital one! Expect you can buy them 2nd hand and cheap on eBay. Thi k I will check them out too as my Tomy one is loud and crackly and I need it for dd2.

DH*
Also dd at nearly 3 started coming to find me when I started refusing to rush in to her

I'm in a similar situation as you, although it's me who wants to keep using the monitor. I live in a big house and in the evening there is NO WAY I would hear my 3.5 year old shout for me, even if he shouted loudly. My hearing isn't good and the walls are thick. I therefore feel the need for the monitor. I have steep curving stairs and if he was sleepy he could fall down them and this is why I have stair gate.

I don't think I'm being OTT and overprotective, but judging by some of the comments I am.

He is also still in nappies at bedtime, but apparently should be popping out of bed and going to the toilet by himself during the night. Judgey mumsnet.

I'm with you Sosad. This was quite a reasonable request for advice (the op) and a lot of the responses are a bit smug for my liking.

Buy a BT digital monitor and turn down the sensitivity and the volume. Only shouting, screaming and digging in buckets of lego will be audible.

Fuck off to all of you that say you don't use them. In our case we have a 3 storey house (not big, just tiny over 3 floors) and we cannot hear DC from one floor to the next. We still have one as DS is on a different floor.

I think it's better anyway. If I respond to him when he's just calling to me then he feels safe and secure. If he had to wait until he was screaming and scared (used to have night terrors) then it would have been much worse.

I'd rather be able to hear what my child was doing and be alble to help them if they needed me

"Our theory is - if they really need you, they can yell. I really don't want my dcs to believe that if they call, I leap to attention, especially in the middle of the night. For Pete's sake - he's 3! Why shouldn't he have to shout a bit before you go running at 3am?"

Yes... I want my child to get to the stage where they are screaming and shouting for attention before we go upstairs. Yes.. that's better than hearing 'mummy, I had a bad dream' and just going in to reassure. LOADS better

DS rarely wakes, btw. He knows we will come and get him if he needs us... so he almost never needs us.