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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving dc in a hotel room (yes, I know it's been done!)

175 replies

ravenAK · 22/07/2012 00:17

Ok, I know this is a MN perennial!
Dh & I are planning to do a bit of a road trip with the dc ? the idea is that we throw everyone & a tent into the van, head for the opposite end of the country & catch up with sundry friends & relatives.
We?d planned to do one overnighter with my oldest friend, Jo. The idea is to head to a local theme park (not as horrific as it sounds for the poor woman ? Jo & I are roller coaster junkies), & then dh & the dc would spend the evening at a hotel whilst Jo & I went out on the town. At some point her new dp would be joining us, either for dinner or for drinks.
All sorted, until my mum rings earlier this evening & ends up chatting to dh, who explains all this & mentions that he?s feeling slightly Cinderella-ish about not getting to go out with Jo, her new chap & me (dh & Jo adore each other, & we haven?t seen her for months ? neither of us has met her new dp).
Mum is taken aback by this, because to her it?s completely obvious that we should book a hotel with a halfway decent restaurant, put the kids to bed & both have dinner with Jo & her dp.
Dh relays this to me when I get home, finding it quite funny (he also has parents whose idea of responsible 70s parenting re: nights out was for the parent who was driving to steer clear of the whisky chasers & occasionally pop out to the car park with crisps for the offspring they?d locked in the Cortina...)

I find myself thinking ? actually, she?s got a point. The dc are aged 4 to 8 & we could leave ds with dh?s phone to ring mine if they needed us.
I can think of 3 possible problems:
1.Dc have some sort of fight or do something daft resulting in one of them being injured.
2.Fire, & dh & I not being allowed back upstairs to get the dc out of the room.
3.Sinister strangers with hotel master keys.
None of them seem that likely tbh, but it?s fair to say that it?s a ?low risk, high consequence? situation...
We do have other options anyway (we could camp at Jo?s ? the only reason she isn?t putting us up anyway is that she?s sharing a house, but she?s offered her garden for camping; or I suppose we could hire someone to sit in a hotel room via Sitters).
So AIBU to even consider doing as my mum suggests?

OP posts:
Original poster
ravenAK · 22/07/2012 01:14

Honestly, I think given dh is keener than I'd realised to hang out with us for the evening, we'll probably just end up camping - but I might have a look to see if I can find somewhere self catering.

I think I'd be OK to leave them to their own devices once they're all 8 & up, say. I've taken 11 year olds on various residential &/or camping trips, so I can't agree that it's a non-starter until they're all teenagers!

But I do completely agree that 8 year old ds isn't old enough to be responsible for his younger sisters - although I think he'd be fine in a hotel room for the evening if he were the youngest, iyswim.

OP posts:
TheEnthusiasticTroll · 22/07/2012 01:15

lied?

KeepYerTitsIn · 22/07/2012 01:20

Your children are far too young to be left alone.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 22/07/2012 01:20

i think the difference about residential trips is it tends to be more than 2 children per room or dorm, not sure what difference that makes when they are all asleep though. i supose its more peace of mind rather than safety in numbers.

However if you do camp together I would insist on a hotel when dh is out with his mate, only seems fair as you will be stuck alone camping and no adult company and he will be jollying it up with you jo and newbie on his suposed night with the kids.

Original poster
ravenAK · 22/07/2012 01:31

Ah but I like camping & he doesn't Smile.

I'm actually fine with being in the tent with the kids whilst he goes down the pub with old friends later in the week - we're camping on his friend's farm, & they'll only talk about rugby all evening...I can read & have a few glasses of wine in peace if I stay with the kids!

OP posts:
bogeyface · 22/07/2012 01:38

The difference between residential trips and siblings is that usually the kids on trips are keen to prove themselves as responsible and grown up. But sibling automatically disagree and wont co-operate!

Thats why I am happy for my 14 year old to baby sit my friends kids, as they will listen to her and respect her. My younger kids, the same age as my friends, just see her as "sister" and will argue, kick off etc.

lisaro · 22/07/2012 01:50

Is it really worth taking a risk like that with your children? Aren't they worth more? Please don't.

Original poster
ravenAK · 22/07/2012 02:15

To be fair, Lisaro, I'm sure they're in more actual danger of death/serious injury in the car on the school run, than they would be tucked up in bed in a nice b&b whilst dh & I dined downstairs, & dh straps them into the car & heads into rush hour traffic every day.

I'll have to ask him if they 'aren't worth more.'

But anyway, I can't see us doing it, more because we wouldn't be able to relax & enjoy ourselves than because I actually think anything awful would be likely to happen. It's a low risk/high consequence scenario & not worth the worry.

I think I've answered my own question & I'll probably be OK leaving them when they're 12, 10 & 8!

Which is sort of half way between 'not until their teens' (some posters on this thread) & 'good grief we left you & your brother in pub car parks until throwing out time when you were 2' (my mum).

It's been interesting to have everyone's views & I'm looking forward to telling Mum that it's not just her son-in-law who thinks she's a loon. Grin.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 22/07/2012 02:29

Good luck with that conversation Grin

bogeyface · 22/07/2012 02:30

:o Chipping. If she avoids the word "loon" it might be ok!

Original poster
ravenAK · 22/07/2012 02:40

It'll be great ChippingIn.

I'll just add it to the playlist after 'why I don't bother to darn dd1's second hand supermarket school tights when she holes them' & before 'no, mother, my vegetarian ds doesn't eat ham, no, not even if it IS wafer thin'. Grin

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 22/07/2012 02:55

Raven Grin If I had a sister I'd start to wonder if you were her.... Grin

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 22/07/2012 02:56

Bogey - hmm, maybe, but that would so take the fun out of it for us Grin

fiftyshadesofmum · 22/07/2012 03:06

some hotels have a child monitoring service where you take the room phone off the hook and can phone up to hear if everything is okay from the phone in the bar/restaurant. My kids are all grown up now but I did this a couple of times when they were babies. After all we were only downstairs and it was no different to living in a big house. The hotels were quite small though. I don't think I would have done it in a big hotel, you never quite know who is lurking about. I did phone up about every 20mins and never stayed downstairs for more than an hour or so.

Proudnscary · 22/07/2012 06:39

No I'd never leave my dc in a hotel room whatever the cirumstances.

There have been enough Mumsnetters who are hotel workers on these threads before who say in the event of fire their responsibility is to getting themselves out - not checking every bedroom. And would never leave their dc because of this reason alone.

I realise it's a very small risk, as his your sinister man with master key, but not one I'd take (dc 10 and 8 - we still get a family room and all bunker down together). And I'm not actually that protective - let 10 year old go to park/walk to school with friends etc

Proudnscary · 22/07/2012 06:40

circumstances

fireice · 22/07/2012 07:12

I wouldn't leave children that age in a hotel room, because of the risk of them fighting or the v small risk of a hotel fire.

Unless it was a very small hotel or you could get a room right by the restaurant, but hotels dont tend to be laid out like that.

I cant believe the on-going pavlovian answer or Madaleine Mccann to any thread involving a hotel room. I thought that one of the few almost-certain things about that case is that she was not in a hotel room!

Dprince · 22/07/2012 07:22

I don't think I would.
However ' Madeleine McCann' is not a complete sentence.

Whoneedssleepanyway · 22/07/2012 07:28

OP this was done quite recently and got v heated.

I have done this, totally depends on the type of hotel and the situation. There are hotels I would not consider doing this but I have done this on several occasions where I have felt happy (my DC are 5 and 3 Shock )

On the fire risk - on the last thread someone pointed out in 2010 I think it was 1 person died in a hotel fire, so as I see it you are less likely to die in a fire in a hotel than you are in your own home...and also several posters who worked in hotels said you would not be stopped from going to get DCs if there was a fire.

I think at 8 and 4 the biggest risk is that they get out of the hotel room and start wandering around on their own, some older hotels without key cards you could lock them in but ones with key cards they could get out. My parents left my sister and I in a hotel room about 30 years ago and we got out and they found us wandering round the lobby together in our pajamas...

I would probably do this if I found the right hotel, I wouldn't consider leaving them till they were both asleep though and would then either use a monitor or check on them every 15 to 20 mins.

I have also done the babysitter option, we had a family celebration for my grandmother's 90th in the evening and DH and I had a family room in the hotel (main bedroom with bunk room for the DC) and we hired a babysitter from a local babysitting agency, I met her in advance and stayed with her while she put the DC to bed reading them a story so they had met her, and it was fine, rang her a couple of times during the evening and it was no problem.

moonface73 · 22/07/2012 07:32

Of course they are at more risk travelling in the car to the actual holiday/school run, but isn't that what managing risk is all about?

The risks you have to take (going in a car) you manage as safely as you can (wear seatbelts, have mot, screech at them to stop whining cos mummy is crap at motorways - that one maybe just me) and the risks that are avoidable you simply don't take.

ElephantsCanRemember · 22/07/2012 07:33

In the same situation I would think about leaving them, chances are it would probably (high probability) be ok. But when it came to it I don't think i actually could. I would spend the evening worrying and constantly checking on them which kind of negates the child free evening i was hoping for. So don't blame you for thinking about it, but think you have made the right decision.

ElephantsCanRemember · 22/07/2012 07:34

Can I ask at what age posters would think it was ok to leave their DC in this situation? Assuming you didn't want them/they didn't want to join you for dinner. Are you guided by the age of the oldest child or the youngest?

Whoneedssleepanyway · 22/07/2012 07:39

OP here is that thread I was talking about if you have time or inclination to read all 1000 posts...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1472052-To-leave-Dd-alone-in-hotel-room

Metabilis3 · 22/07/2012 07:45

8 is far far too young to be left in charge. What if there was a fire? Or a fire alarm (morelikely). What if one of them used the bathroom and couldn't turn a tap off? What if something got broken in the room? What if they had a little fight (as kids do) and one of them banged their head? They might think they were ok. Then, an hour later......Natasha Richardson time. :(

Would you leave an 8 year old at home alone? No you wouldn't. And there is your answer.