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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men hitting back in self defence?

166 replies

tittytittyhanghang · 21/07/2012 16:59

Have just been shown a shocking video on you tube of a girl attacking a man (i assume it was her friends taking the video on their mobiles?) and the man punched her back and knocked her out. AIBU to think that it served her right? DP seems to think IABU and that man should have just run away. I kinda feel conflicted now, violence is never good but i am struggling to get past the feeling that she reaped what she sowed.

[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO7GIQ5Udk8&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.co.uk%2Furl%3Fsa%3Dt%26rct%3Dj%26q%3DAlcoholic%2BPa-Punches%21%2BLesbian%21%26source%3Dweb%26cd%3D1%26ved%3D0CEcQFjAA%26url%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.youtube.com%252Fwatch%253Fv%253DCO7GIQ5Udk8%26ei%3DhM8KUNCXG8nO0QXyjKzlCg%26usg%3DAFQjCNGXi-4LUZfb-1SKLejv5iqpDCoDSQ this is the video here if you want to see it but i found it rather shocking)

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 21/07/2012 18:03

nobody should hit or slap anybody full stop.

there is nothing wrong with using reasonable force however how many of us are actually able to gauge whats reasonable in those circumstances.

if your a woman and you hit a bloke you are likly to get hit back but the bloke is likly to also end up in court,
no you shouldnt hit people expecting them not to hit back but if your the one who hits back how would you make sure you wouldnt hit to hard for the circumstances you probally wouldnt be able to chances are your hit would be harder than the woman would be able to do and you may cause more damadge and quite rightly you would get arrested.

its probally best if nobody hits anybody that way we dont need to fret about being reasonable or not

nothingoldcanstay · 21/07/2012 18:05

Don't think links to this sort of rubbish should be followed. Who wants this to go viral? You can have a debate without people profiting from it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/07/2012 18:13

nothingoldcanstay

without the video the responses would be that he must have done something wrong or provoked it

EclecticShock · 21/07/2012 18:14

You don't always need to retaliate to defend yourself. He could have run. Two wrongs dont make a right and all that.

GhostShip · 21/07/2012 18:15

If a woman repeatedly hit my DP, I'd expect him to hit her back, that's if I didn't get their first.

Iamsparklyknickers · 21/07/2012 18:16

It looks like it went pretty big a couple of days ago from what I can see, it was
Posted on reddit and one of the comments said how she's deleted her Facebook, but before she did said that she was drunk when it happened and deserved it... Don't know how true that is but it's pretty clear from googling she's had a fairly unanimous response from the Internet at least.

GhostShip · 21/07/2012 18:17

Just watched the video, I wish I would have been there. That poor man. What an awful situation to be in. The scummy little fuckers.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/07/2012 18:19

EclecticShock

if you watch the video he has nowhere to go.

EclecticShock · 21/07/2012 18:23

Not too keen on watching it. I stand corrected, in some situations you have to do whatever it takes.

PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 21/07/2012 18:27

I've not watched the video. The only thing I would say is that while her actions could be seen to warrant a retaliation, my concern is the disparity in strength between the man and woman, assuming he's much stronger than she is. Something he'll be aware of from the force of her blows against him. The most sensible option is to walk away if you don't want the situation to escalate. Is it right for, say, a 12 yr old child to be hit back by a grown adult, simply because they started hitting? I'm not comfortable with retaliation like this at all.

Dprince · 21/07/2012 18:30

perspective I would watch the video to gai. Some perspective :). Doesn't look like he had anywhere to go. He probably was stronger, but he didn't hit her as hard as he could and he certainly did not knock her out.

PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 21/07/2012 18:33

Ah, the problems with taking on a name change Smile. Tbh, I was only going from the 1st description, skimmed the rest of the posts, and as I haven't watched the video, I have no idea why he couldn't walk away. Tbh, it's not the sort of thing I want to watch. So, I'll leave it at that.

Dprince · 21/07/2012 18:33

The other point is, are we saying weaker people in society should be allowed to attack others with no consequence?
I went to school with a boy with a fairly serious heart condition. He used to bully everyone and whenever people stood up to him he said his chest hurt. Hr ended up being removed from the school after punching someone else (again). He did it because he knew people would not dare hit him back. That makes him a spineless cowardly bully. just like the girl on the video
she thought she had found a victim who wouldn't/ couldn't retaliate.

Losingitall · 21/07/2012 18:35

Scummy skanky twats! She deserved it.

PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 21/07/2012 18:36

No, that's not what I meant. In your example, the bully was dealt with, so that was his consequence. I'm not advocating no consequence, but in the interest of self preservation, I just think it's best to walk away. Given the possibility of a more serious outcome if the situation was to escalate, then I just don't think hitting back actally is the most sensible option.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/07/2012 18:39

EclecticShock
"You don't always need to retaliate to defend yourself. He could have run."
Running would be my first instinct, but if that were not possible then I would consider retaliation as the next best choice. If you can't run and you don't retaliate you might as well have a flashing neon sign saying "beat me up", in such circumstances.

"Two wrongs dont make a right and all that."
I don't consider his retaliation to be wrong.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/07/2012 18:39

PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired

The "girl" attacks from behind the man. then has him effectively backed up against a shop window and between herself and her friends.

AFAICS His only way out is to use some sort of force

From what I can see he never actually releases a "full" punch. The "girl" drops quickly and her friends (at least 4) gather round the man. So they are definately not scared.

Dprince · 21/07/2012 18:43

Yes there was a consequence after he had spent 4 years bully other kids. It take a while to expel someone. My point is he wouldn't have done it in the first place had he have thought for a second someone would have fought back. Which generally happens. Pick enough fights and you get someone who will fight back.
The threat of maybe expelling him one day didn't stop him making some kids miserable, to the point one left.
The man in the video was cornered of sorts. He could not walk away. She is a spineless bully because she thought being female gave her the upperhand. She was fighting someone she thought wouldn't fight back. Imo she is scummy and deserved everything she got. She was lucky tbh he stopped there. He did show restraint.

Shullbit · 21/07/2012 18:44

To be fair on the guy, he was trying to get away. She was adamant she wasn't going to give him a chance to though. He was up against the wall, and took a few punches before he hit her, and it wasn't with full force. My 8 year old could throw an harder punch than he did to her. He did what he needed to do to be able to get away, but then the rest of them seem to be about to join in.

Poor bloke. He was only out minding his own business and a bunch of twats took it upon themselves to victimize him. She got what she deserved. I highly doubt she will be in a rush to do it again. Maybe if more people stood up to them rather than just walking away, there would be less of them.

PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 21/07/2012 18:44

Sorry, I only responded to the 1st description of a full punch and the girl being knocked out. In his shoes, I'd have gone straight to the police, with some back up from the shop's CCTV if it was caught on camera, or a witness from someone who maybe worked in or was a customer in the shop, and asked them to take it further. I accept he had to use some force if he was backed up against a shop window, if there was no other way to get away from them, but in the context of the 1st post, describing a girl hitting a man who then hit her back with enough force to knock her out, that I am not comfortable agreeing with.

Dprince · 21/07/2012 18:46

By the way I do get the self preservation buy and agree. However I honestly believe retaliation was his only choice if he wished to preserve himself
where possible its always safer to walk away.

Dprince · 21/07/2012 18:47

I agree the OP description of him punching her isn't imo accurate and give a false impression.

Original poster
tittytittyhanghang · 21/07/2012 18:50

sorry if the op wasn't clear, girl attacked man, man punched back (looked like a punch to me) and i though he knocked her out, and thats why she fell to the floor.

OP posts:
PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 21/07/2012 18:51

For what it's worth I do agree that standing up to a bully is the best way to deal with them. I just don't agree that that always has to = violence as the method to be used. In some cases, yes, and from the more recent descriptions of the video, I think the man did what he had to do. But, I think in a lot of cases, reacting in that situation where you are outnumbered, can lead to more serious consequences.

I've always been the sort to walk away. I guess it doesn't come naturally to me to fight back physically, or with violence.

pictish · 21/07/2012 18:52

He could have hit her a lot harder than that. He was cornbered and she was absolutely hell bent on attacking him. He could easily have done her some real damage if he had chosen to.

That's what the silly, scrappy little cow gets for biting off more than she can chew.

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