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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have done a really shitty thing last night.

105 replies

paradisechick · 21/07/2012 11:32

Been married 6 years together 11 got 7 year old and 15 week old baby.

Am 29.

Went to friends house last night in my old home town. Drank a lot of wine between up then hit the pubs. Bumped into a guy I went to school with. We were never an item but had a good friendship and seen him a few times since school. Anyway we had a laugh went out for a cig with him he started with the patter and we kissed.

Just had message of him apologising. We've always had a flirty friendship and I think we just took it too far.

Feel shit. Do I tell dh?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/07/2012 11:33

No.
Unless someone else will.

pictish · 21/07/2012 11:34

You've been an arse of the stinkiest order...BUT I do not recommend a confession.

littlemissbroody26 · 21/07/2012 11:37

Don't tell, these things happen, delete the message and put it behind you.

Maybe in future don't let your friendships get too flirty.

WorraLiberty · 21/07/2012 11:38

No don't tell him

But you probably need to think about why you did it and see if there's anything lacking in your relationship that you can work on.

LilBlondePessimist · 21/07/2012 11:44

Don't tell. It may appease your guilt but will only hurt your dh an enormous amount over something which, when it boils right down to it, meant sweet fa. If you did tell, it could spell the end of your marriage. Would you want that to happen over a drunken kiss? Telling will do no good for anyone. Put it behind you and don't do it again.

Trills · 21/07/2012 11:46

Yes, you were of course very unreasonable.

You need to think about why you did this. Did he kiss you, did you kiss him, or did you kiss each other?

NovackNGood · 21/07/2012 11:48

It was only a kiss and therefore not worth even thinking about or mentioning unless you liked it and fancy going back for more.

You will know your husband better than anyone on here so if he is remotely the jealous type then don't mention it at all EVER as the last thing you want is having to cope with an adult turning in to the teenage jealous psycho.

RuthlessBaggage · 21/07/2012 11:51

Having to keep the secret will be horrible for you. It is your penance.

If there's any chance OH will find out, get in first. Otherwise STFU and be glad you stopped with a kiss.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 21/07/2012 11:52

No, don't tell. And if someone else tells him, laugh and say "oh yes, X, we had such a good natter, really caught up, it's been years - I gave him a teeny goodbye peck as we parted" - if you hadn't been drunk and he hadn't been a "blast from the past" it would never have happened.

Lucyellensmum99 · 21/07/2012 11:53

Don't tell him at least your friend apologise leave it at that

tartyflette · 21/07/2012 11:57

You'd had a lot to drink (which has disastrous effects on one's inhibitions) and now you're full of remorse, but don't beat yourself up about it, try and accept your behaviour wasn't good (altho not really awful) and move on. Confessing might make YOU feel better but it might cause more hurt than it was worth, if you see what I mean. So I wouldn't advise it, really, but you know best how your DH would feel.

TheDreadedFoosa · 21/07/2012 12:06

The important thing now is that you do not keep up communication with this bloke.

For me, if dp kissed someone and i found out id be pissed off but able to put it into perspective. If after the kiss they kept in touch (when they didnt before the kiss) id feel pretty betrayed.

Whatever means this man used to contact you, i would now block him. He is not important so no big loss. But this is the kind of situation where you could fall into a pattern of flirty banter with him -even if it is meaningless to you- that could actually undermine your relationship in a way that a stupid drunken snog couldnt.

KittyFane1 · 21/07/2012 12:22

No. Forget it. You have been really stupid and what you have done is beyond wrong but it is done and I take it you won't meet him again?Just leave it now and don't contact this man :(

Debeezandbirds · 21/07/2012 12:26

Going against the consensus here, I'd be honest. You're sorry, and it didn't mean anything but I think your DH should know. If it were the other way round, I'd want to know.

Teeb · 21/07/2012 12:27

Yabu absolutely and behaved very stupidly.

All you can do know is look at why this happened, and try to stop yourself from ever being in that position again. If I were you, I would be limiting myself to one or two drinks a time for the foreseeable future.

HildaOgden · 21/07/2012 12:38

Telling him will give you 2 seconds of relief at getting the guilt off your chest.

Followed swiftly by a massive disintegration of your marriage and family life.

Don't tell him...forgive yourself for the 10 seconds of madness...and don't do it again.

kinkynagbag · 21/07/2012 12:38

i wonder what the replys would be if it a man writing this?
depends on the kiss aswell.. was it a passionate one, or just a quick shit or was the kiss reapid by you etc..
but on a whole i think it may be better not to tell unless there is a way dh would find out.

GhostShip · 21/07/2012 12:50

There's no point telling him. If you're truely sorry and absolutely know you wont do it again, then a 'noble' confession isn't needed. It'll only cause trouble and undue worry for your partner.

But you are an arse I'm afraid, don't do this again to a man you're supposed to love.

IMeMine · 21/07/2012 12:56

I wouldn't tell him. You know you were wrong and that it didn't mean anything- I very much doubt your husband would see it like this. You will cause him more hurt by telling him instead of keeping it to yourself, make sure you've learned from this and move on. As long as he won't ever hear it from anyone else, that is.

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 21/07/2012 12:57

A quick shit kinkynagbag? Nearly made me choke on my drink!

stuffitunderthebed · 21/07/2012 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
paradisechick · 21/07/2012 13:15

Thanks for the replies.

It was quite a quick kiss, mutually instigated I think.

We were chatting, got into him saying he wish he'd made his move when he stood a chance. Him and my dh know each other, through me, but never see each other. Met a few times before when we were younger.

OP posts:
stuffitunderthebed · 21/07/2012 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teeb · 21/07/2012 13:22

I think you need to delete his number, delete him from facebook if he's on there and make sure you have zero contact with this man. Then look at your drinking and then look at your relationship with your husband.

NovackNGood · 21/07/2012 13:25

Or not stress about it at all and rest assured i the knowledge that you've still got it and will never need to resort to Badoo for a bit on the side.

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