to have done a really shitty thing last night.

[paradisechick]

Been married 6 years together 11 got 7 year old and 15 week old baby.

Am 29.

Went to friends house last night in my old home town. Drank a lot of wine between up then hit the pubs. Bumped into a guy I went to school with. We were never an item but had a good friendship and seen him a few times since school. Anyway we had a laugh went out for a cig with him he started with the patter and we kissed.

Just had message of him apologising. We've always had a flirty friendship and I think we just took it too far.

Feel shit. Do I tell dh?

That's up to you in your relationship Novack, but don't tell other people what cheating is or isn't. It's a personal decision that each couple decide amongst themselves.

That's up to you in your relationship Teeb, but don't tell other people what cheating is or isn't. It's a personal decision that each couple decide amongst themselves

I'm not the one saying if it is or isn't for this couple. You are the one who seems to be speaking on other peoples behalf.

RuthlessBaggage, was it your partner that told you immediately after the event, or did you find out somewhere else?

Teeb read my advice. I said there is no need for her to fret about it and just to relax and forget about it unless she fancies a little adventure in the future. I also said jealous people are only ever hurting themselves with their silly jealous ways.

And notice I never asked for any details of the OP or any other posters snogs kisses flings whatever they are as unlike you I'm not after the salacious gossip.

Novack - agree with your first bit entirely

I think you need to read what you said actually.

In my personal relationships, kissing isn't cheating, but lying and secrets would be a bad sign. You cannot say a blanket statement such as 'kissing isn't cheating' and think that applies to every single relationship, it's really quite idiotic to make such a claim.

I think if it was ok you would be able to tell him. It is because it is wrong that you can't. I think if you know it was purely because you were drunk then maybe you can excuse it. Otherwise you need to ask why!

Novack so if the ops DH would be upset by her snogging someone it's him being Jealous? Sorry totally totally wrong unless you have that kind of open relationship.

And I assume if you believe kissing isn't cheating your oh's believe the same so telling them would not be an issue, more a "guess who I snogged DH" chat yes?

oh ffs

pretend it never happeend

move on

I recall when I was 12 we used to think if a boy had a little kiss with someone else it was cheating and when we were 7 or 8 we actually thought if your lips touched another boys you had to marry them for LIFE so we ran away a lot screaming usually but then when we were adults we'd laugh at anyone who was so drunk on the far side of the room or outside the french windows thinking there were invisible to their other half as they tried a cocktail party snog with x y z person they suddenly decided was interesting and being drunk means you think you can get away with a sly snog or realise you are in a sly snog 20 seconds after you started it because alcohol messes with peoples inhibitions without their control. Holding someone accountable for a drunken snog is on the long sliding scale to victim blaming a rufee'd person.

If you pretend it never happened I think it may haunt you though but you may have to live with that rather than hurt your dp. If you think he will see it as just a kiss then maybe tell him

nod you nobber ;)

Don't tell. You know it was wrong, you regret it, it's not going to happen again and you can both keep your mouths shut about it. If it happened the other way around and you knew, would you ever really relax when your DH went out again?

If you know you can trust yourself in future - keep schtum...

nobber or not it will. I snogged my exes friend and it played on my mind and it drove me mad. I did tell him in the end

Sorry Novak did you just compare in any scale a slightly drunk snog where the op chose to drink and was clearly fairly lucid as she remembers the where's and whys and could make choices with rape via drugging.

seriously

He told me. He could not have; I wish he hadn't.

Holding someone accountable for a drunken snog is on the long sliding scale to victim blaming a rufee'd person

On which planet?

Holding someone accountable for a drunken snog is on the long sliding scale to victim blaming a rufee'd person. Nope. If you choose to get drunk and misbehave it is your fault. Don't drink if that is what happens. Being drugged is not the same.

This would be cheating in my marriage.

He knows your dh? I would be very careful this doesn't bite you on the arse op.

And grow up. You were both 'players' back in the day? So fucking what, no excuse.

paradise - what kind of marriage do you and DH have?

Norma I mentioned that not as an excuse but offering a bit of background.

Yes, he does know my dh as we've been friends since school and he met dh a few times when we first started dating.

What kind of relationship do we have?

Good on the whole and I'm happy with him, enjoy our life together and love him like mad. We have a good laugh together and sex is good!

I suppose that's why I'm rocked by this.

Ahhh it sounds like you have a great marriage! What is your need (or not) to tell him?

There's no need really is there?

There is no need. I did the same and never told DP.

you kissed? forget it.