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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have done a really shitty thing last night.

105 replies

paradisechick · 21/07/2012 11:32

Been married 6 years together 11 got 7 year old and 15 week old baby.

Am 29.

Went to friends house last night in my old home town. Drank a lot of wine between up then hit the pubs. Bumped into a guy I went to school with. We were never an item but had a good friendship and seen him a few times since school. Anyway we had a laugh went out for a cig with him he started with the patter and we kissed.

Just had message of him apologising. We've always had a flirty friendship and I think we just took it too far.

Feel shit. Do I tell dh?

OP posts:
Original poster
paradisechick · 21/07/2012 13:27

I don't but I think it steams from the fact we were both players back in the day, he still is, but never with each other. He won't say anything.

First post baby night out. Dh being so kind to me I just feel terrible.

OP posts:
Rubirosa · 21/07/2012 13:29

I would tell, but I don't think my DP would freak out or anything.

McHappyPants2012 · 21/07/2012 13:31

I would rather my dh tell me. I can't stand secrets and lies and would be more hurt over that.

I would tell him

Teeb · 21/07/2012 13:34

I do think you should tell. If you read any of the relationship threads, you see that it's the deceit and lies which are most upsetting rather than the act. It's a very slipper slope when you start keeping secrets like this in your marriage.

ChaoticismyLife · 21/07/2012 13:36

It was only a kiss

Imagine what would happen if everyone took that attitude and went about kissing other people, whilst in a relationship, whilst drunk/tipsy Hmm

OP you've been an arse, what you do now is up to you.

Original poster
paradisechick · 21/07/2012 13:36

Has anyone done similar?

I feel like Kat Slater

OP posts:
MULLYPEEP · 21/07/2012 13:37

Don't tell. It was a mistake. You feel shit, that's penance enough. Forgive yourself and delete all contact.

slartybartfast · 21/07/2012 13:38

IT IS NTO the endof the world/your marriage. for one kiss.
and he apologised.
it is done. forget it.

slartybartfast · 21/07/2012 13:39

and dont tell, that would make it more than it actually was.

valiumredhead · 21/07/2012 13:41

God, no, keep your mouth shut and your knickers on Wink

Viviennemary · 21/07/2012 13:44

Absolutely don't tell. You might have dreamt it anyway!

stuffitunderthebed · 21/07/2012 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deadsouls · 21/07/2012 13:54

You will have to deal with your emotions that have resulted as a consequence of your actions...that is to feel all the uncomfortable feelings of guilt, shame and remorse. Then move on.....I don't believe there is any purpose to telling your DH, would you only be doing so in order to appease your uncomfortable feelings. I really don't think it's that big of a deal TBH

Softlysoftly · 21/07/2012 13:57

I'm really shocked at the amount of you that think it's no big deal, to me if I or DH did it it would be a HUGE deal, I don't believe the drink is an excuse you don't sound like you were fall over pissed, don't get me wrong I'm a terrible drunken flirt but believe you are always lucid enough when deciding not to follow through at crunch time.

Personally as pp's said I would tell, lies kill relationships fast.

Original poster
paradisechick · 21/07/2012 13:59

I'm not saying it's ok because I was drunk but it wouldn't have happened sober.

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 21/07/2012 14:00

softlysoftly but everyones' relationships are different and in my world, it would not be a big deal....not that I drink though

Deadsouls · 21/07/2012 14:01

Anyway softly why are you shocked?

Nagoo · 21/07/2012 14:12

Don't tell him. There is nothing to be gained. I agree you should downplay it if you think he

If I found out that DH had kissed an old flame I would not trust him again. I would not want to know, if it was just a kiss I could forgive but not forget.

Cut contact with the man to make sure nothing comes of this.

Nagoo · 21/07/2012 14:14

softly I think it is because the kiss would be a bigger deal to the other partner than it is to the person who had the kiss that i say the OP should keep quiet about it.

Softlysoftly · 21/07/2012 14:15

I'm shocked because kissing is cheating and cheating is a big deal in a relationship when that other person is supposed to be your person, the person you know you can be totally at ease with and the person who when everything else fails is the one you can trust, a marriage.

I'm shocked so many think that breach of trust isn't something major, and if it wasn't a big deal, then why would telling be an issue? In a relationship where a kiss truly isn't a big deal why not tell? I think one pp said their DH wouldn't care, only when that is an accepted agreement is it no big deal.

Sorry op, it's not like you are having a rampant affair, and I do think if it was DH I would be hurt but get over it but saying its nothing and "it happens" is Shock, feeling shit as you know it's wrong and it is a big deal like you are is fine (if that's the right word Confused. so actually my comment wasn't aimed at you iyswim.

Softlysoftly · 21/07/2012 14:15

Sorry nagoo et al xpost

Deadsouls · 21/07/2012 14:20

I guess everyones' marriage arrangements are different....we are very open minded and just because I had a kiss wouldn't mean that I wouldn't trust DH or he wouldn't trust me.

Softlysoftly · 21/07/2012 14:22

That's ok deadsouls, if you accept that then there is no breach of trust

NovackNGood · 21/07/2012 14:23

Kissing is not cheating and if someone gets jealous about a little drunken snig then they are the one with the problem not you OP. Jealousy is only hurting yourself.

RuthlessBaggage · 21/07/2012 14:26

It is a big deal, but if DH would otherwise be.none the wiser he gains nothing by her confession. The benefit would be all hers, and she doesn't deserve to benefit.

"I would rather know." Bullshit. I've been there. You would not.

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