to not want to send my daughter to nursery?

[ditsydoll]

My daughter is 3 and has a place in our local nursery school starting in September. I have never really wanted to send her to nursery but put her name down as I felt like I was doing the right thing at the time. I am a SAHM and have no real reason to send her to nursey. One part of me wants her to go to prepare her for school and the other part of me thinks that our children spend enough of their lives in the school system, and why not let her enjoy being little before she really has to start full time school the following September. Anyone not sent their children to nursery? What are your views? Thanks.

When I say 'taught' I'm talking informally. I don't sit my 3 yo down for hourly lessons every day :)

I could have written this OP. DS started school nursery last Sept and from day 1, he ran in without even saying goodbye. He loved it and usually got his uniform out at weekends. It's not for long, and that small amount of time is enough to have a tidy up / clean etc. Why not try it, you can always stop taking her if it doesn't suit her.

I could have written this OP. DS started school nursery last Sept and from day 1, he ran in without even saying goodbye. He loved it and usually got his uniform out at weekends. It's not for long, and that small amount of time is enough to have a tidy up / clean etc. Why not try it, you can always stop taking her if it doesn't suit her.

I may be wrong but nursery's don't have 1 teacher and a TA for 25 kids, I don't think they are legally allowed that ratio.

It's normally around 7:1 isn't it at 3?

I didn't go to nursery as my mother felt home care was superior. I was soooooooo envious of children who did go. I used to sneak out the gate on my tricycle and pedal up to the nursery gate and look in wistfully...

the nursery ds went to had 50 children in the morning session and the same again in the afternoon session. The children were split into 5 groups of 10 with each group having its own named keyworker. They had group time at the beginning and end of each session and could play in whatever area they wanted during the rest of the time.

The inside was split into areas e.g. book corner, music area, painting area, water play, puzzle tables, etc. The outside area had a digging and planting area, a climbing frame, trikes, playhouses, footballs, etc. It was not a formal setting with the children sitting and learning all day but was a fun informal setting for the children to learn through play.

I think that you should try it and see.

My DD went at two, she had never been away from me. She loved it, and still does. She only does two sessions but would love to do everyday. She's very very bright and they teach her loads ( reading, writing) stuff she doesn't want me to do!?

It is a social clique already and its a comfort that she will have friends at school. She likes the independance from me, and i enjoy the time too.

I think a balance is the best for all, our preschool is very good but they can not give each child all the one to one. Its a good lesson though, your child will not get one to one at school. They prepare them for rules and order, just like school.

Send her for one or two sessions and see how she goes. Do not let people pressurise you though. My DS is way more clingy and i am shocked when people tell me to make him suffer and break him, leave him Etc ( 1.5yrs) There was an audable gasp when i told one group of mums he is always with me. :-)

He'll go when he's ready, no point in making him suffer.

I didn't send my daughter to nursery, we did loads of activities together at home, baked and took day trips etc. She started school last September when she was 4.1 years and she has flown through her first year, her report made me cry.
That time with me was precious and I would do the same again, I think they will be long enough in a formal environment.
My daughter is really good at reading and I had some mums ask me which nursery she went to, they were surprised when I said she didn't and one mum told me I was brave not to send her to nursery, I certainly didn't see it that way.

It is entirely up to you - it is not compulsory. But there will be things available at nursery that you cannot do at home. In our case, a large room where children could do indoors, activities normally associated with the outside - very useful in rainy Scotlland. There will be opportunities to play with more other children - though if there is a group that don't go to nursery, that won't be such a problem. It also gives you a chance to get on with the sort of jobs that are hard to do with a small child around which gives you more chance to do things with them when they are back home. It is only 15 hours a week, and you do not have to use up all of those.

My eldest was looked after by my MIL when I went back to work full time...after a while, it became apparent that this was too much for her and him,so he had 1 full day at nursery each week,and my DH who was at home (some days) had him 2 days. My daughter when she was born (eldest just started school) used to go with me to a mums and babies/toddlers group twice a week till I went back to work part-time. My youngest had me as a SAHM, and never went to a nursery of any kind,nor did we have any friends (him or me ), because we moved as a family 250 miles from friends and family. He has had the most difficult time making friends. I really think at least once a week at nursery or some kind of group is the best idea. Children need to have some interraction with others their own age before starting school , in my opinion.

That time with me was precious and I would do the same again, I think they will be long enough in a formal environment.

Whilst I take your point Maro, and agree that early years can't be bought back at any price, the nursery my DS1 went to was only 2.5 hours in the morning, and we still got to do baking, day trips, parks etc. I didn't feel he was being taken off me too early or for too long, it was more like little taster sessions for school. He was also young for the year, the youngest in the class, but as you know, their brains are like sponges at that age and he soaked up so much information, I just couldn't find fault with it.

He used to run into nursery without a backward glance and is still friends with his nursery chums now.

I am also slightly worried. My DD starts at the local nursery school in September, she'll be 3.9. But the nursery is part of the school, and the hours are 9-3 with no option for part time. They also have a very strict absence policy which unnerved me a bit to be honest. 9-3 feels like too much.

Mimi- that sounds like a lot. All the schools I know only do half days for pre school and are not strict on absence.

Yes I was quite shocked to be honest You have to apply for authorised absences, and unauthorised ones are treated in just the same way as they would be in school. I was quite unsettled when I went to the meeting. It's mornings and lunch for the first 2 weeks and then full days from then on. Knowing that this is unusual is making me question things.

yes that sounds like a lot mimi my ds3 and ds4 went to a pre-school it is attached to the primary they then go to but they were very flexible and mine did half days so 9-12 and only ever 2 days a week, ds4 ended up doing two full days a week of 9-3 but he loved it, i wouldnt have sent him more than 2 days tho that was plenty, it gave me some time with dd on her own, and then we had the rest of the week to do what we wanted, see friends, go to toddler groups, to the beach etc.

ophave a look for a pre-school that is flexible ifyou want but tbh my elder 2 never went at all and they were fine, i cant say it made a difference, having done both now with my next two, ds3 hasnt been advantaged by going to pre-school. ds4 start school this sept and its nice he has some friends he will be going with but they all mix and make friends anyway in reception, he isnt in the same class as some of his friends, i cant see his 2 days of pre-school a week will have made a huge difference, he hasnt learnt anyhting at pre-school that he wasnt already learning with me at home etc :)

Mimi, as much as I am all in favour of nursery and pre school, I wouldn't send mine in to one that did full time hours! You are right to question it. I can't understand why they are being strict on attendance.

A lot of pre schools don't take the nursery attendance into account on the school attendance records as it's supposed to be non compulsory to attend, unlike school itself.

OP, if you don't feel it's right, then don't send her. Or send her one session/2 sessions etc.

Ds1 loved nursery, but I am aware that ds2 may not be ready for it when it is his turn.

It is not obligatory and I do know several kids who ds 1 is now at school with who only went for a short time towards the end of their 2 yr entitlement and settled into school perfectly well.

DOn't be pressurised either way.

Thanks for the feedback.

She has already been at playgroup which is 9-12 four mornings a week, but tbh we often kept it to 3 mornings as she would get very tired. There are no other nurseries nearby to be honest. I'm feeling a bit stressed now, we got given a letter at the meeting which says 'Legislation allows a fixed penalty fine of £50 per child, per parent, to be issued to the parents of any child who has collectively 10 or more unauthorised absences'.

I understand this with actual school, was a bit shocked at nursery, but I presumed this was the norm. Upon reading that it isn't, I'm feeling very worried It's too late to change my mind now, isn't it?

"We play at home, meet up with friends, visit different places and do activities with other children. "

That only works if you know lots of other people with children. DD is an only child and we had just moved to this house and didn't know anyone. I took her to the local toddler groups where we were made to feel welcome, but it was obvious that she was ready for nursery.

ditsydoll I get the impression that it is you that isn't ready, not your daughter.

All mine went for the year before school just for 12-15 hrs a week. My DS was one of the older ones for his year so i waited until he was 3y3m to start 2 mornings and then he will do 5 the year before school. I personally think it helps them to get ready for school and ives you a bit of a break. I know a few people struggled settling at school; some did go nursery and some didn't. How about put her in for 2 or 3 mornings or 2 short full days? You don't have to take the full hours.

'Legislation allows a fixed penalty fine of £50 per child, per parent, to be issued to the parents of any child who has collectively 10 or more unauthorised absences'.

Never heard of that. Mots of the nurseries round here are fine with the DC not always turning up every session or leaving early to suit the parents. Less so the school nurseries admittedly.

I know someone who use to work in a nursery they did some attainment research and looked at age, parental background and attendance at nursery. They were hoping to find that good nursery attendance improved the attainment levels - they didn't find that main factor was age and next sex with girls doing better.

Only thing about not doing nursery is that most other DC that age are - some play groups round here have age limits of 3 or charge more for older DC. If that not an issue you can find your DC would be the oldest there which could be an issue with interaction and how welcome your made.

mimi can she not carry on at the playgroup? i have never heard of fines for non attendance!

i did rule out one pre-school/nursery that was very into 5 days attendance, no flexibilty at all, it totally put me off.

luckily there were at least 2 others near me with a much more flexible approach.

and bunbaker i also moved when mine were toddlers, so had to make a big effort to make new freinds etc, there are plenty of groups on at libraries, childrens centres, unless you live somewhere rural most towns have plenty to do with toddlers, tho organised groups arent the be all and end all anyway.

and hwen you say she was 'ready for nursery' waht do you mean by that? nursery and pre-school is a relatively new concept, many children do just fine without it, its not necessary it can be a nice thing for children but they wont miss out if they dont go.

"bunbaker i also moved when mine were toddlers, so had to make a big effort to make new freinds etc, there are plenty of groups on at libraries, childrens centres, unless you live somewhere rural most towns have plenty to do with toddlers, tho organised groups arent the be all and end all anyway."

We live in a rural area and I did make an effort. It paid off as I am still friends with the mums I met at toddler group (Our girls are at high school now). We don't have family near and I wanted to widen our social circle of people my age and DD's age.

"and when you say she was 'ready for nursery' waht do you mean by that?"

We were both ready for nursery. She needed the extra stimulation that I couldn't give her and I simply needed a break.

well thats fine you admit she needed extra stimulation that you couldnt give her, that was your circumstances, plent of us dont feel that way.

I was on the fence, too, about sending DS to preschool/nursery. We come from the U.S. where at this age, most kids aren't even in a regular school program until nearly age 5, or 6 in some cases when they go straight to Kindergarten. I felt it odd and unnecessary, to be honest.

But he got a place at school nursery right before the Autumn term started and it ended up being the BEST thing ever for him. He went 5 afternoons a week and absolutely loved it. He grew socially in so many ways he wouldn't have if he remained in the sheltered protection of his "Mommy" over the course of his year in nursery. He made friends with children we may not have otherwise socialized with on our own (very diverse catchment).

I was in tears yesterday b/c that magical year was over for him and so many of his little friends are going to reception at other schools (including him).

It is so, SO good for them. And it's only 3 hours a day. You get the best of both worlds...a nice place to send your child each day for a couple hours while you get things done around the house, shopping, coffee in peace, and the other half of the day to spend together.