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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to send my daughter to nursery?

125 replies

ditsydoll · 20/07/2012 22:28

My daughter is 3 and has a place in our local nursery school starting in September. I have never really wanted to send her to nursery but put her name down as I felt like I was doing the right thing at the time. I am a SAHM and have no real reason to send her to nursey. One part of me wants her to go to prepare her for school and the other part of me thinks that our children spend enough of their lives in the school system, and why not let her enjoy being little before she really has to start full time school the following September. Anyone not sent their children to nursery? What are your views? Thanks.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 20/07/2012 22:32

mine went to nursery, but I know a few people who didn't send their children at all and without exception they all settled just fine into school

Seona1973 · 20/07/2012 22:33

I enjoyed the small amount of free time it gave me and ended up joining the gym at the local sports centre. It also gave them something different to do away from mum (also a sahm)

BarredfromhavingStella · 20/07/2012 22:33

Nursery is fun & a good chance for your child to interact with other children before school.

I will probably shed a considerable amount of few tears when dd starts nursery in January but that's just me being a silly cow as I know for a fact that she will love it.

AgentZigzag · 20/07/2012 22:33

I'm feeling the same about sending 2 YO DD2 to nursery in January, but, going on DD1 when she went (she's 11 now) it was the best thing for her.

I could tell she was ready for things I couldn't give her, to get stretched by the interactions that only a nursery can give and start to learn the structure of what will be expected of her at school.

It might be difficult leaving her if she's your first, but the time you spend apart is just strengthens what you have together.

She'll still enjoy being little, I guarantee it! Smile

heartmoonshadow · 20/07/2012 22:36

My DS is starting in September too and I am pleased to be sending him not for me but for him. Being little and at home with me is lovely but it is a bit limiting for him as he has no friends his own age here. I have opted to take the 15 hours over three days giving him the best of both worlds 4 days at home and 3 at nursery. I want to ease him in to the system slowly as going to Reception with no experience of a school like structure could be difficult for him. However I can appreciate the desire to protect your daughter from growing up too soon it is totally your decision I will be using my hours but would not knock anyone for not.

FrillyMilly · 20/07/2012 22:36

My DD started nursery in January at the local school. I was abit unsure as I'm at home at the moment but he has thrived. Her speech has come on loads, she has lots of friends and I've made a few too. It also given me a chance to get to know the school so I can be sure that's where I want her to go. She only goes 3 hours a day. By the time I've got home, done a bit of housework and had a brew it's time to go back.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 20/07/2012 22:36

Your all right, I know that it will probably be what's best for her. It just seems that we have to send them off when they are so small, I just can't help but wonder if its too young..

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/07/2012 22:37

I felt a bit the same when I sent DD1. But, much as an hour or two is nice (and it is only an hour or two), it was more for her sake. I don't have the patience and, now with DD2, the time to be painting and sticking and playing princesses. Much as I would love to sit on the floor and play with her all day. The things she has learnt at pre-school amaze me. She has little friends there who are going up to school with her in September and her confidence has really grown.

Having said all that, there's no law to say that you have to and I also know a fair few children that didn't got to a pre-school and they got on just fine at school.

BonkeyMollocks · 20/07/2012 22:37

Of course you don't have to send her, however, it will give you a bit of time to be you, she will love being around other children, and I do think its a good help with starting school.

My ds did his end of nursery concert today and he looked so happy around all his friends. He has had a brilliant time there! :)

MrsHuxtable · 20/07/2012 22:37

I really want to avoid sending my DD into childcare until she's 3.
However, once she reaches that age, she will go to nursery but only for the funded 3 hrs a day, which will just be in the mornings.
She will also only start school once she's 5 as I think little ones in this country start way too early but I don't see any harm in a couple of hours a day from 3 years.
Your daughter might really enjoy it and you'd still have your afternoons with her. it might also be a chance for her to make friends with children she'll go to school with.

Do you go to a lot of toddler groups with her so she can socialise?

wolvesdidit · 20/07/2012 22:38

Hi I didn't send DS1 to nursery. One to one is much better IMO. You can cover the social aspect by mums and toddler groups and playdates. My DS didn't go to school until he was nearly 5. The teacher sucked in her breath when I told her he'd never been away from me :) On the first day of school, he was well prepared by reading lots of books about school and discussions with me. Some other kids were crying and clinging to their mums (weirdly seemed to be ones who'd been at the preschool the year before) but he was totally fine. You can give your child far far more than a nursery teacher and a TA with 20 odd kids to look after. Don't let other people convince you that you are not the most essential person in your child's life.

Sirzy · 20/07/2012 22:38

You don't have to send her off if you don't think that's for the best then keep her at home for another year.

darksecret · 20/07/2012 22:38

I think a few mornings a week at playschool might help a really bright and advanced child who might be old for the year. Never nursery.

But really, you should enjoy this time and do whatever works for you. I strongly believe that. You're the hub of her life. It would be better if you weren't stressed out and sad!

I have friends who have worked in different nurseries. They all say they wouldn't leave their own kids there.

littlemisssarcastic · 20/07/2012 22:38

Nursery is fun. DD loved nursery, although it took her a while to settle. She also knows some of the DC she will be going to school with, just from being at nursery.

DD got to do lots of things she wouldn't have done if she had been with me at home. Usually at home, we'll have 1 or 2 things on the go, but at nursery, there was so much for her to do.

What worries you the most about nursery OP? I didn't think it was anything like school tbh, if school means sitting in line for register and having totally formal structured play. Even school isn't like that when you first go.

liketochat1 · 20/07/2012 22:39

I'm in 2 minds about this. I think nursery provides a great chance to socialize, become a bit more independent and see different facilities and resources. However, you are right, once they start school there's so much less time to be with them. Everything changes. What I do, is send them for three hours in the mornings. Best of both worlds really.

merrymonsters · 20/07/2012 22:40

My kids loved going to the school nursery. They make loads of friends.

You could always try it and see how she likes it. You can always take her out again if it doesn't suit her.

AgentZigzag · 20/07/2012 22:43

What heartmoon says is true about wanting to protect them from what you know to be a shitty world, and to have their behaviour changed by so much time spent with other people when you know before they go that what they are is totally moulded by how you are with them.

There's a tension between wanting them to stay your baby and innocent and knowing they have to grow up.

valiumredhead · 20/07/2012 22:43

Ds went to playgroup 3 mornings a week from 9 - 11.30. Then started school nursey at 4 for mornings only.

bumbleymummy · 20/07/2012 22:44

We didn't send either of our boys to nursery. We play at home, meet up with friends, visit different places and do activities with other children. They are both incredibly sociable and none the worse for not going to nursery. If you don't feel comfortable with it and don't feel the need to send him then don't. :)

We actually went on to HE DS1 (6) but I know plenty of people whose children started in P1 and you really couldn't tell the difference between which children had been in nursery/reception once they'd settled in. If anything, the children who had been at home for a bit longer seemed further ahead but that's just my own experience.

LemarchandsBox · 20/07/2012 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ATourchOfInsanity · 20/07/2012 22:47

Could you not do a half day or just a single day and see how she reacts after a few weeks? My DD is going to start in Oct (will be 14mo then) just for 2 days a week to give her a bit of variation from me. I just found out I am pg again and wanted her to start before the new baby arrives, so she doesn't feel pushed out afterwards. Also just those two days a week I can relax a bit and organise more for her rather than being on top of her all of the time. I am also mindful that babies seem to learn very well from each other (she saw her 1yr old friend walking and was at it within 2 weeks!) so heaven knows what else she could pick up...other than chicken pox Hmm

Original poster
ditsydoll · 20/07/2012 22:47

I suppose I'm just worried about it being too soon, she is very bright and I'm not at all concerned about her being able to cope with it. I just think we have such a short window to be with our children before they have to go to school, then off to high-school. I just think at 3 they shouldn't have to worry about being left and all the anxiety that comes with that. I think at almost 5 children are much better emotionally equipped for that kind of change. However I'm not entirely sure I want to not send her as I would never want to feel I had held her back at all. I'm just unsure as to wether I would be making a mistake.

OP posts:
Iamseeingstars · 20/07/2012 22:50

I was like this. Dead against it, happy to look after kids etc.

Got bullied into sending Dc to nursery and it was fantastic. Children evolved socially and mentally. It was fantastic and improved their confidence.

I didn't suffer. I got some free time, got a few hours paid work and it worked really well.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 20/07/2012 22:51

She does go to playgroups (with me) and has a small group of her own friends so does socialize with other children.

OP posts:
LemarchandsBox · 20/07/2012 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.