to not want to send my daughter to nursery?

[ditsydoll]

My daughter is 3 and has a place in our local nursery school starting in September. I have never really wanted to send her to nursery but put her name down as I felt like I was doing the right thing at the time. I am a SAHM and have no real reason to send her to nursey. One part of me wants her to go to prepare her for school and the other part of me thinks that our children spend enough of their lives in the school system, and why not let her enjoy being little before she really has to start full time school the following September. Anyone not sent their children to nursery? What are your views? Thanks.

Nursery is an enjoyable place (if it's the right nursery, obviously) - why would you not want to let your child have all the fun and experiences nursery offers?

It's 3 hours a day 5 days a week. The 15 hours free paid nursery from the age of 3. The nursery is attached to a school but not the school she will be attending at school age.

My son is about to start reception and only had about 13 weeks of a very casual church hall preschool two days a week. I now wish he'd had a lot more because he really isn't used to the structure and being on his own. He also can't do a lot of things learnt by children in formal nursery and preschool environments such as writing his name, using scissors and generally taking direction from a teacher. I think it's a good idea to get them exposed to the classroom setting.

Just a thought - won't all the playground/playgroup friends start nursery now, too?

My DD1 is 3 and I will not be sending her to nursery at all, she will go to school at 5 at the earliest.

We go to playgroups, home school groups, library sessions, meet kids in the park, see children in the family, meet up with friends and their kids and she plays with children at church kids group on Sundays. No need to send them to nursery in order to socialise.

I enjoy spending the days with my children (DD2 is 5 months). Everybody who meets DD1 comments that she is so independent. At home your child can have 1-1 attention that doesn't happen often in a nursery setting due to the numbers.

My niece was advanced for her age (working a year above her level now) and got so bored in nursery, she didn't enjoy school until year 1 (kept asking her mum when they were going to do some proper work).

Go with your gut feeling on this one, they are only little once, more than enough time to loosen the apron strings later on.

None of her friends from playground will be going to her nursery as we go to playgroup in the afternoons abit further out (would be too hard to travel down every day) so she wouldn't know any of the children starting but that really isn't the problem I have anyway. I just don't know if want to put her in so young when she has so little time to just be a child. Chandellina, she can already write her name and speaks very well, the only thing I would worry about as you say is her not being left alone before it might be harder for her to transition into school. She is very bright so I don't really worry about her being behind intellectually, maybe just holding her back emotionally that i would be worried about. I went to nursery though and still remember crying going into reception so I don't suppose it really prepared het

Ditsy my mother didn't send me to nursery and when I started school all the other kids knew each other and it was hard.

My kids went to full time nursery and when they started school most of the kids had been at the council three hours one but there were at least a little band of three or four of them who knew each other.

I honestly think nursery for a couple of hours is great for them. I wasn't impressed with the local authority provision here though, and it may be different where you are, but here some of the private nurseries have partnership agreements and you can get 15 hours at no cost. With dd1 I was a student and worked sessionally so that's how we could afford for her to go.

This is the first of many hard decisions between what your heart says and what you think is best for your child, but you do need to make sure you are all comfortable with whatever you decide.

Prepared me*

Nursery can be a lot of fun, for your dd as well as you. A good nursery will provide you with things to enjoy with your child, even if it's just pick up times and being presented with an oversized wet painting.

5 mornings a week seems a lot to start with, if you are fretting about having less time to enjoy your dd, could she just start with two or three mornings for a while? We built up to five mornings and my two didn't go every day until the term before they started school. It felt like the best of both worlds to me.

"I just don't know if want to put her in so young when she has so little time to just be a child."

What do you think they do in nursery, other than being children?

It's up to you obviously but I was (am) a SAHM and all my 3 DC's went to the school nursery for 3hrs per day when they were 3 and 4yrs old.

It was fantastic for them and made them really enthusiastic to start school.

I personally don't think nurseries are a great place for babies or toddlers (not personal enough and too much slapping/biting/tears at that age) but for 3 & 4yr olds I think it's great for them.

My children loved nursery - they settled well, and got so much out of it. They both did afternoons but tbh - with term time etc they aren't there that often! If they do afternoons - it's what - erm - a 2 and a half hour session, so 12 and a half hours out of a 168 hour week? But only certain weeks a year....

I understand where you are coming from. It's your child, and if you don't think thats right for her at this stage - thats fine! It's an option - not set in stone - and maybe you are concerned about the seperation aspect. Maybe you feel they can't offer anything more than you are already giving at this stage, and you don't see the need for it given the seperation angle? Maybe it feels a bit too much right now?

You know - you could always start her in September, and see how it pans out- it's not compulsory, but she might really enjoy it. If not - you can pull her out. the main thing is, is that you are enjoying each others company, she is getting stimulation, you are spending time together, and are both happy - you can obviously do that with or without nursery.

Am a big fan of nursery - my boys loved it! but it's what works for you..

my eldest two never did pre-school etc, they were home-schooled till aged 9yrs and 6yrs and then both started full time school and got on great, they are now 12 and 10 :)

ds3 went to pre school but only 2 mornings a week, he then started reception at age 4 ( turned 5 the dec after he started school) and was fine, a bit tired at first but if he was too tired i gave him a day off.

ds4 has been going to pre-school since the term after his third bday when he got funding, he went for two mornings to begin with and then 2 whole days 9-3 and loves it! he starts school in sept and again i will give him days off if he is too tired.

my dd has her name down for pre-school to start the term after she is 3, tbh i am looking forward to it but have been a sahm since my eldest was born and he is almost 13!

they dont NEED to go, if you go to toddler groups etc, she has friends and you do plenty of other things there is no need and they will still learn to be independent etc.

depending on the nursery you can always send her for less time, ie with mine they never went 5 days a week,only 2 and to begin with only mornings and not all day so i still had plenty of time with them, that depends on the nursery tho some are not that flexible.

you really dont have to send her if you dont want however this maybe her preschool year and would be fun and a bit helpful for her to get into the school routine just because you are a sahm doesnt mean she shouldnt go , but it isnt really important to send her but it really would benefit her to go,

Nursery has been great for my son. I am a SAHM and took up the free hours for him. Turns out that though he is confident and sociable at home and with the kids we socialize with and even in small groups of kids he didn't know, he struggled initially with larger groups of kids and was very shy. A year in ante preschool and he has found his confidence. He does 4 mornings and loves going in now. I am glad I took it up.

None of my four went to nursery - we lived in the sticks so there wasn't one, and therefore no pressure, but I wouldn't have sent them in any case. We saw other families a couple of times a week, so they did play with other children - but in our house/garden, or someone else's.

I don't understand why we're so determined to make little children "independent" and I think we're in danger of conditioning children to expect constant stimulation and structured play. I am amazed, for example, when I hear parents say their older kids get bored during school holidays - why on earth would they be bored?

We did do things together - playdough, baking, drawing and so on - but for the most part, they played alongside me, chatting, while I was busy, and then we all went for a walk, or to the shop, or to visit a friend, or to collect one of them from school or whatever. The days flew past.

It probably sounds very old-fashioned and dull to most of you but it was the norm back then - and it certainly didn't stop kids going to university and moving out into the big world later on.

Mine are now in their 20s and 30s, very sociable and outgoing. I'd have hated to miss that time with them when they were young; it passes so quickly.

No of course it isnt I just found it got my daughters into the routine of getting organised and going to something each day , we dont have reception in scotland so a lot of the children are in nursery at 4 dd was 5 and still there

True lemarche etc but there is a lot of evidence that the majority of children find the school transition easier from nursery than not, at the age we start proper schooling I this country.

Majority not all.

I think going to nursery is good for kids, my two enjoy it, but 5 mornings a week is quite a lot.

You don't have to send her for the full 15 hours. I would just send her for 2 or 3 sessions a week.