to think that being a fussy eater in someone else's home is actually quite rude?

[wrathomum]

And never even to TRY new things? Or appreciate the efforts of the host (who has multiple food sensitivites) to cater for everyone and try to provide healthy fare? And to not even feel a little bit bad about being fussy?

crunchy please don't do that to your son. I have exactly the same problem with mashed food, my mum forced me to eat it as a child and the result was I vomited pretty much every time she did it.
It certainly didn't make me less fussy, it just made eating something to fear. He might not be as severe as that but it really makes meal times something to dread which can't be healthy.

I think it's pretty hard to understand if you are a person who can eat anything, but pretty much no one would actively choose to be fussy. It is horrible, in my case I have to be pretty careful because I have a really weak stomach and will either feel ill for hours or actually throw up if I try to eat something I don't like (anything with a mashed texture especially). Can't say any of my friends have a problem with it though, they just cook something they know I can eat if I go over for dinner. It's pretty rare we eat at each others houses anyway so it doesn't come up often.

I've never come across someone who sits looking miserable if they don't like something, they just don't eat it! I don't see anything wrong with that TBH.

:o:o To my knowledge, bogeys dont contain chlorophyll so actually that would be on her safe list!

BlackOutTheSun I think you're misunderstanding me. When you have a roast, there is normally a big variety of stuff. Meat, potatoes, vegetables of various description, stuffing and so on.

Obviously it would take a more churlish host than I to be pissed off that you don't want my spring oniony mash.

It is one element of a vast meal. It's when the person doesn't like carrots. Or potatoes. Or chicken. Or stuffing. Oh they'll have a tiny portion of peas and then sit there with a face like a slapped arse.

I do think a lot of fussy eating must be the result of parents forcing kids to eat food they don't like or something so it ends up as a phobia.

Like I said, I've never come across any intolerances or fussiness in my European friends, probably because they have a very different style of parenting and eating.

Actually yellowraincoat I would be horrified by the spring onions I know it sounds daft to someone who doesnt have these issues. But because they are so small and slippery with that weird crunch and because the placement of them would be random i couldnt be sure i had removed them all. Add that to the fact that I would have to remove all surrounding bits of potato they might of touched in case of contamination knowing all the while my host was looking on either concerned or fed up and you have me well on the way to a panic attack.

My friends are all enthusiastic eaters. They enjoy food. Some are vegetarian, others (like me) don't eat nuts or have allergies. I would work hard to make sure I was hospitable enough to make them feel welcome. Because hosting is about welcoming someone into your house and hoping they enjoy themselves, not about making them eat liver or sheep's eyes. However, many of my friends are friends because of shared interests: children, camping and walking and, yes, food and drink. So someone who was really, really fussy would make me feel uncomfortable and mean I would not enjoy being a host so I might not be quite so quick to invite them next time. Hospitality is about sharing and inviting someone round for food is a rather ancient and primal way of bonding over what you have to offer. If they refuse to share, for whatever reason, then I will feel hurt.

bogey because I don't have life threatening allergies. I just don't expect people to be judgemental pricks if I turn down food or don't eat everything on my plate.

I would like to think that if I pop around a friend's house for a cup of tea and turn down the 'lovely fruit cake I just baked' or go to stay at a friend's house and leave bits of dinner on the side of the plate and say 'sorry I won't have any dessert' that they wouldn't get straight on the internet and post about how some people are so rude and extremely childish to not force themselves to eat everything that people make for them.

YANBU

Adults should be prepared to TRY anything. To say you don't like something without trying is exceedingly childish. And there is no need to make a fuss, no need to gag, no need to be difficult. Just eat everything else on the plate you DO like and say 'thanks for the meal'. Anything else is rude and ignorant.

All the talk about gagging and being sick by people above sounds v much like its all in your mind... Simmilar to 'not being able' to swallow down a paracetamol tablet with water.

Well if someone says yes to the roast, then refused to eat any of it then yes that would bloody piss me off, I am a fussy eater and I've never sat there with a face like a slapped arse, I don't make a big fuss of it

Spring onions in mash is still wrong

bunnywhack, if you have issues with food that cause you panic attacks, again, I don't see why you would inflict a dinner party on yourself.

Oh god my mates really fussy. And wont try new things so in 17 years of friendship i have had here to dinner once and she moaned about not liking carrots and not being sure about sheperds pie because she put beans in hers

because hmm I don't have life threatening allergies

So you are just choosing to make life hard for yourself by accepting invitations to events that you know you wont enjoy, when you could, with a little thought, take that stress out of your life? My point was that if people with genuine life threatening issues can manage, so can you, but you appear to be chosing not to, preferring to make an issue of it.

No one is being judgemental about anyone who makes their food issues known. Its people who....god I am bored of saying this,........DONT tell the host of their issues, DO accept invitations and then DO sit there making it clear that they are revolted by what has been put in front of them.

If you do none of the above, then I fail to see why you are so offended.

If yur fussy or a vegatrian i think its best to just decline dinner invites

I honestly think some people don't understand just how strong a dislike of something is. Whether or not it's in the mind the end result is exactly the same! I physically can't eat mashed potato without at the very least feeling very ill, I know I have sensory issues with it so I just leave it if I'm served it accidentally. In most cases an adult has tried the food before anyway, that's how they know they don't like it!

Most people who are fussy do eat everything they can and then say thank you! I know I always do. The problem is when someone is analysing what is left on your plate and asking why you've left stuff! If it's not a good friend asking I would just say I was full but honestly I think it's far ruder to go through what a guest has eaten and judge that than it is to quietly leave anything that you can't eat.

Hello OP :)

I do know what you mean. Some people seem to wear their fussiness as a badge of pride - they are so different and special. Those people are irritating

Most people aren't like that though. Most people who won't eat something do so because it makes them ill / they are intolerant to it / allergic / have SN / simply really don't like something

Most people don't do it to piss you off

If I may say so,I think you are projecting a bit. You can't eat stuff because it makes you ill. You would like to see others tucking in and it annoys you that they don't eat it because they simply don't want to. My guess is that you would love to have that freedom of choice

Tell you what, invite me round and I'll eat whatever you cook so long as it's not snails or cocunut

YANBU. I always ask if there's anything guests particularly don't like and will happily cook around that but general fussiness, nose wrinkling, pushing food around or saying that you're not really hungry is terribly rude in my opinion. I have also had two occasions where food has been served before a guest announced that they are vegetarian/lactose intolerant Did it not occur to them that I might have found that information rather more useful a week/few days/few hours beforehand? They did not get further invitations.

So, general rule is that the host asks and guests provide important information in advance. After that, eat what you're given and at least act as though you're grateful.

I don't haven't for the last 5 years or so. My point is that there are people out there with genuine fussyness (for want of a better word) so you shouldn't assume that people are just doing it to annoy you or to be rude.

I'm a popular dinner guest - there is nothing I have tried that I don't like Even if you don't/won't eat something on the plate there is usually something you can politely say "the xxxxx was lovely" about.

Sometimes combinations make me wince - tomatoes in fish pie - soooo metallic for instance... but I would still eat it. I like food and was raised in poverty where there was never enough - it DOES make a difference.

I do know what you mean. Some people seem to wear their fussiness as a badge of pride - they are so different and special. Those people are irritating

Hell yes they are.

I was very amused when I was in France recently and the kids meal was what's known in our house as triangle cheese (dairylea), an apple, a yoghurt and a packet of crisps.

That to me is typical fussy eater food :o

bunnywhack, I don't think anyone is trying to be rude or to annoy me. What kind of person does that? I just think that some people need to either not come to dinner or grow up a little bit.

bogey you are not the only person posting on this thread and there are people posting here who do think that people should eat anything given to them regardless of their own feelings on the matter. People are being judgemental about people who can't eat anything and everything and saying that they are rude and childish.

Or have you missed those posts?

And why do I make life hard for myself? It's suddenly got a lot harder at the thought that there are food police types out there who pass comments and make judgements about the sorts of coping behaviours that I might employ. It's hard enough being restricted in the foods I can eat without also being so restricted in the social activities I might partake in such that I could never go around anyone's house ever in the fear that they might offer me food.

musicmadness, all being human, I think we all have stuff we severely dislike. However, on entering adulthood, most of us realise that we just have to put up with some stuff sometimes. I gave an example above. I really don't like blood and gore but I sat through a film that my friends had chosen anyway. I just dealt with it. It wasn't that big a deal.

Actual actual issues with certain foods, please, do make them known beforehand. It's really not a problem. But don't turn up and then make me feel bad because you shoved my food around your plate.

Although I have to say, being honest, that if someone presented me with a huge list of foods they couldn't eat, I would be wondering why they were coming to tea in the first place.

Make something safe and if they don't it ...well.....it's annoying, so then YANBU.
Pizza and chips?
My mother taught us to be polite about food when out and eat up...how she laughed when I came back from a little friend's house reporting there had been LIVER for lunch.
It was gross! Cooked real old English style too, leathery and gritty,,,,,