to think that being a fussy eater in someone else's home is actually quite rude?

[wrathomum]

And never even to TRY new things? Or appreciate the efforts of the host (who has multiple food sensitivites) to cater for everyone and try to provide healthy fare? And to not even feel a little bit bad about being fussy?

Hmmm, roast baby with mango chutney?

I'm a vegetarian and I loathe mushrooms - really cannot stand the slimy, evil beggars. If someone is cooking for me, I'll explain this and say 'if you are doing mushrooms for everyone, I can bring something of my own'. I would really, really struggle to force a mushroom down, they just disgust me. Have occasionally been caught out and had to very quietly, trying not to draw any attention to it, eat round the sodding mushrooms.

If I'm cooking for other people I'll always ask because as a fussy eater myself, I sympathise - last thing I'd want to do is put people in a position where they have to force something down. My Mother made me do it as a child - very strict rules about good manners meant I did eat everything that was made for me at other people's houses. But it was horrid. Even when you thought you were safe... like the Mother who merrily said she'd do tomato soup, only it was homemade, with big chunks of tomato in! When you are six or seven, that's a Big Deal.

Spring onions are good. I'm not sure about chucking them in mash though ;)

bunnywhack, if it's just that the person is a shit cook, then you need to learn to just eat stuff that doesn't taste that nice. My mum is a terrible cook, everything tastes bland and samey. But I just eat it anyway. Still alive.

if people were hungry and not confident of more food being available later on I bet they wouldn't be so fussy

But you said that if Wrath thought that then she doesnt know what she is talking about. I didnt take it that she meant in the context of a dinner party. Rationing was mentioned above.

If you didnt know that you could get the food you want at any point in say the next month, would you starve? Really?

I think not.

edam, to me that was never a big deal. There were several things I disliked as a child, but I just got on with it, safe in the knowledge that something I didn't like passing my lips was never going to actually cause me harm.

Maybe it's cos my brother was so fussy. Waah, onions. Waah, mushrooms. Waah mince. It got on my nerves so much and we hated each other, so maybe I was just trying to win some psychological battle with him by eating whatever I was given.

I eat everything, pretty much. I find it very odd when people are fussy. Not rude, as such. Just weird.

DS1 has sensory issues and struggles to eat anything mashed. I make him, I'm afraid. Probably not good practice. But he knows that once a week, he is to try one mouthful of a new, unpleasant textured food. We do that because I want him to be able to tolerate new things in the future without fuss, e.g. on play dates.

I have relatives who apparently have "intolerances" to, completely co-incidentally, all the foods they don't like. V. annoying, especially when announced at top volume in a restaurant.

I'd rather starve than eat white bloody asparagus, that much is certain. It makes me gag.

I serve food in bowls in the centre of the table. One friend complained noisily and at length about being 'overfaced'. wtf? We agreed to disagree - she knows this is how I serve food and if she doesn't like it, she shouldn't come. She doesn't want to be left out and so she comes and eats like a sparrow (shrug).

bogey how do you know that all the people you simply label 'fussy' don't have similar issues and aren't simply being 'rude' or 'awkward' when they don't eat everything in front of them?

It's not most foods, by the way, and I actually do a good job of making most people think that I'm normal. You'd probably have no idea, so the thought of people possibly bitching about me behind my back because I've not eaten everything put in front of me when I have tried really hard to do something social is not a particularly nice thought.

Can I go out for dinner and say I have an intolerance to PITA drama queens?! :o

I think it's that thing that some fussy people (especially children) manage to make you feel like you have ruined their entire meal.
I can't stand milk if it's not straight from the cow but if someone has made cheese sauce I'd have extra portions of everything else so they know that I'm loving their cooking and sharing a meal with them.
I think it's rude to say I don't like such and such. Just don't eat it then. No one is trying to poison you as my mum used to say

Where the hell do you draw the line with issues and fussiness anyway? If your issues are that bad, don't go out to eat. Socialise in other ways. It's not that hard.

If I didn't drink, I wouldn't go out to a club and complain that everyone was drinking.

unless you have an actual allergy, medical problem, or other serious issue, its comes across as extreme childishness. If someone says "I don't like green beans/broccoli/whatever" I tend to think...well who fucking cares, grow up and eat your vegetables, for gods sake. But as a good host I would offer them something else instead and say nothing (which is incidentally what I would say if someone offered me something I don't particularly care for: nothing).
In some people, its just attention seeking.

I had a friend at university who was wheat intolerant.

Weirdly, I saw her a few years ago in London and we went out for a sandwich. From Pret. A normal sandwich.

YOu said yourself that it would be quicker to list what you do eat than to list what you dont eat. That suggest that you only eat a minority of foods.

I would expect a guest to tell me when asked, as I do, if there is something(s) that they cant or wont eat. If they dont tell me, then I will make a meal that suits. If they then sit there with a face on, picking at it and shuddering then I will assume that they are being picky and rude. They had the chance the tell me if there was anything they didnt want, if they didnt take it then tough, eat what you are given or dont eat it, but dont be bloody rude.

You havent answered why you eat out if you find it so hard. I genuinely dont understand that. There are any number of social things to do that dont involve food, so why put yourself through that?

It's not that hard to avoid social situations that involve food? Are you kidding me? Loads of social situations involve food.

YANBU, OP. I can't bear fussy eaters, they need to get a grip. It really is a first world problem: I've spent a lot of time in countries where people think themselves lucky if they've got anything to eat, and no longer turn my nose up at food, let alone food that someone else has bought and prepared. I was more picky when I was younger but when you're in a remote part of a poor country and there's only one type of food on offer, it's surprising what you can teach yourself to like. As Grendel said, the only acceptable thing for fussy eaters to do is not accept invitations that involve food. Anything is attention-seeking, ungrateful and rude.

Did we even get 10 posts into the thread before the first "OMG but what about special neeeeeeeds" response, by the way?

yellowraincoat I have a sister who used to think she had IBS in respect of several foods- especially eggs. It turns out she had gallstones. You should have asked your friend.

sock blue tuesday? sounds like a challenge. Ds2 loves green things lol

I suppose I must just be weird then.

I want people to enjoy themselves when they come to my house. It's not about me forcing people to expand their culinary horizons!

I don't like cottage cheese. It's the one food I can think of that I really detest. I've never actually tasted it, but I wouldn't be able to get as far as putting it in my mouth because it looks and smells vomitty. I probably wouldn't think to forewarn any hosts about it as its not the most commonly used food, but if it were served I wouldn't eat it. Infact if I'm eating at somebody's home I must be good enough friends with them to be able to just tell them.

If it happened at my house I would always offer something else, even if it were just a toastie or some pizza. Because I want my guests to relax and enjoy themselves.

yellowraincoatThu 19-Jul-12 19:45:40

BlackOut because that person spent time preparing it and it is rude not to eat it?

yellowraincoatThu 19-Jul-12 20:46:58

BlackOutTheSun, when people put stuff like spring onions in mash they are trying to be nice and make things a bit special and different. To then turn round and say it annoys you that they do that does make you seem quite rude. Just don't eat it. How it can possibly annoy you, I don't know.

So first I'm rude not to eat it, now its just don't eat it?

I did when my friend said she was allergic to anything green, but it is genuine!

Noble yes alot of situations do involve food, but not all. My cousin cant take her children to eat out as the risks are too great, so they meet the people before or afterwards for a get together if its in a restaurant, or they take their own food.

People with life threatening allergies manage, I fail to see why you cant.

G1nger, I think I can safely assume this friend had just jumped on a bandwagon. She would quite often forget she was wheat intolerant at university as well.

Squidgy, I want people to enjoy their food too. But I also want my other guests and me to enjoy ourselves. Enjoying myself does not include sitting looking at someone refusing to eat stuff and feeling guilty that they don't like my food.

noblegiraffe, I honestly don't eat with friends that often. But if I had issues with food, I would tell them and they could do dinner parties and we could do something else.

"I did when my friend said she was allergic to anything green, but it is genuine!"

You weren't asking her to eat the bogey, were you? Now that would be rude!