to think that being a fussy eater in someone else's home is actually quite rude?

[wrathomum]

And never even to TRY new things? Or appreciate the efforts of the host (who has multiple food sensitivites) to cater for everyone and try to provide healthy fare? And to not even feel a little bit bad about being fussy?

It is possible for a picky eater to have fun at a meal in terms of a shared experience if they think that the host isn't staring at every mouthful and counting bits of food left on the plate then bursting into tears in the kitchen.

At no time have I said that I expect people to clear their plate.

I also said that I usually check with people before cooking for them.

I don't tut at their plates after the meal, but I do privately think that given my circumstances they could try to make a bit of an effort.

Yes they do wrath. I've been hypnotised twice (that has helped) I will now eat a bit a raw carrot and something like coleslaw (cover anything in mayo!). I do make myself try things now and again and I do eat fruit, though probably not enough.

And being a fussy eater does not automatically make you an impolite person. I know plenty of people who eat all there food but are completely obnoxious and rude in other ways.

I may be a fussy eater but believe me, when I share a meal with friends a family I have a good time,unless I happen to be with people who have a hang up about food and then make me feel uncomfortable, but then I think this says more about them than me and I think they're the rude ones.

Because of your cancer and what's happened to your eating I can see why you would think someone is mad for not eating all the foods you would love to eat, but it's not their fault why you now can't eat them. And you are completely unreasonable to say that all fussy eaters are rude. I agree some are but that's down to them as a person not their eating habits.

I think your last sentence says it all.

Really I wish you all the best with your recovery, but don't blame others for things you can't do.

Talking kids eating here.. In my experience all of the parents I have come accross on play dates have tried to give my kids something 'kid friendly', as I do when we have the lads friends over here. It's not likely to be something spicy, or weird, so there's no excuse not to eat it.

I would never SAY they were rude to them if they made a fuss or make them feel uncomfortable, but I would would think it, and I may not invite them back if they were rude about the food I made..as has happened once.

How much is acceptable to leave before you start privately tutting? Perhaps you should issue strict instructions so that everybody is clear on the rules?

I'm not sure why your food circumstances mean that other people should try to please you when eating dinner.

I'm entitled to PRIVATELY tut if I like, surely. :o

You think that given your circumstances they should make more of an effort?

What about given their circumstances, you should make more of an effort?

If anything, your circumstances should help you to gain some empathy for what others are going through.

Ifeelloved, you sound like my dh. It sounds like you are doing amazingly well with something that is so easily misunderstood, and is extremely difficult considering how much food is a part of life. Well Done

I don't need to google noble, as you've been told, it is not physically remotely possible for you to put food in your mouth and have it come out of your arse ten minutes later. 10 hours later would seriously be pushing it. If you apply a minimum of logic you would see your claim is ridiculous.

A lot of these claims are psychosomatic nonsense. "all veg makes me feel sick"...are you 2?

actually, I take back that last comment, as I had misread the post. Apologies.

Privately is fine but you'll be amazed on how much people pick up on!

We have one set of friends that I always dread going to because it's all about the food with them and they make such a big deal out of do you eat, do you eat that etc. it's only veg I don't eat, I eat pretty much everything else.

However I know other people who won't touch anything spicy, another won't eat pasta, another no foreign stuff, yet I'm the fussy and difficult one.

Sorry but there is no way I would eat something that I don't like. I have been invited out where the main meal was tripe and I refused to eat. Completely normal meal in someone elses house, a horrific thought in mine. My life choices, my decision.

penis my choice of phrasing was explained last night. Do keep up.

I make a huge effort, that's part of my point. (Cooking stuff I won't be able to eat - as previously mentioned).

But that's a physical effort resulting in an actual material thing.

It's not effort to understand and empathise, which can actually be much much harder.

I can whip up a different meal for six different people in a few hours, it took me months of really really trying to understand what people with food issues go through before I could genuinely get it. I can assure you, it took a lot more effort than preparing a dinner party would. But its also much more rewarding.

I agree with you wrathomum. The point is I think that people have turned' don't particularly like' into 'I won't eat'. You can't possibly anticipate what people don't particularly like and they probably won't tell you either as the list would be quite long for a lot of people.

I am teaching my kids that they don't need to LURVE every meal to eat it. Not necessarily finish it, but eat enough that they are not clamouring for something else 5 mins later. I think it's important to be able to eat things you don't particularly like if you are someone's house.

I can make myself eat brussel sprouts even though I REALLY dislike them. I would eat a whole meal of them if I were at someone else's house. I would never say in advance, "I don't eat brussel sprouts." I just don't like them really, along with goat's cheese, raw onion, soy milk, runny yolks etc. I can't eat liver without gagging so I would mention that I don't eat offal (not that many people would serve it up for dinner!).

If someone made a soy chocolate mousse, I may think but I would certainly have some, and if it were yuck I would still try and eat most of it. If someone made a goat's cheese tart, I would eat it and be grateful for the effort they had put into cooking for me.

Cooking things for people that you don't personally like (putting butter on their potatoes??) isn't really that big a deal, surely, wrath?

If it's such a chore, perhaps you should stop doing it?

Its a difficult one , because as the mother of a very fussy eater i appreciate how hard it can be to feed them . On the other hand as a child i was taught that if you go to someones house , you eat what you are given regardless of how foul it is .
I really dont like offal , liver especially , but if i went to someones house and they had gone to the trouble of cooking it for me , then i would feel duty bound to eat it , would probably require vast quantities of wine to get it down
With children eating at mine , i tend to stick to safe foods like pasta or pizza , although pizza can be a minefield depending on whats on it , have been known to pick off big bits of tomatoe for one particular child . Food allergies i would of course take very seriously and cater accordingly .

There is a big difference between disliking a food but beng physically able to eat it, and having such a strong psychological reaction to a food that it creates a physical reaction, like gagging, or an anxiety or panic attack.

I dont like cheese of any sort or in any form. Even as a child i wouldn't eat it and i cant even bear the smell of it.

Even to be polite i couldn't eat it. It is not that i don't particularly like it. I cant stand it, hate it even.

There are many things i don't particularly like that i will eat to be polite but cheese is just a step too far.

Penis you obviously haven't got a clue what you're talking about.

" penis you haven't got a clue what you are talking about " just made me

"but that's a physical effort"...

Indeed!

I can't bear fussy eaters and agree with the 'badge of pride' comment above. It can also be used to imply that the person is somehow superior to you.

Once, having tea out with someone, I told her to help herself to the biscuits that came with it. She said with a rather smug look 'No thanks, I'm fussy about biscuits.' Implication: that I am not and will eat any old shite.

I agree it's not the not-liking of something that's rude (although that is annoying), it's making a fuss about it. An ex-friend asked for separate French toast mix when I was making said toast for a few people (because she 'would much prefer it' without the spices in it.) The same person would, if she found herself holding a shared bowl of vegetables or anything as it went round the table, make 'Yuck' sounds and faces. Note 'ex-friend'!

I dislike that soy 'ice cream'. A while ago I was passed a tub of it at a friend's to go with a homemade chocolate brownie. Rather than saying 'Euuurgh, yuck, no thanks, it's horrid' I just passed it on quietly. Someone did notice and comment that I wasn't having any, and I said 'I wanted to taste this delicious brownie on its own.' It's not hard not to be rude or attention-seeking.

You changed it when you were told you were wrong, you mean.

Its not your bowels you have a problem with, its your brain. Have any of you with these food issues sought treatment? It's a very British affliction, to act like toddlers with food, I've never seen the like in any other country.