to think that being a fussy eater in someone else's home is actually quite rude?

[wrathomum]

And never even to TRY new things? Or appreciate the efforts of the host (who has multiple food sensitivites) to cater for everyone and try to provide healthy fare? And to not even feel a little bit bad about being fussy?

actually eating with 'fussy eaters' makes me feel sick, to watch them pushing food around and making little faces, and nibbling cautiously on tiny morsels...yuk, it's so egocentric.

I always listen to people talking about food, and remember what they love. I love to feed people things that I know they will like. I would also if people are coming round serve a variety, so a couple of pasta dishes, a pizza, lots of different salads and cold meats. If somebody said they didn't want anything I would make something else. When I invite people round my primary objective is that they have a nice time and feel comfortable. It doesn't reflect on me if they won't eat xxx.

And anybody who says that having a 'preference' over food makes you childish, why is being childish a bad thing? I love my dc, particulary when they are being childish.
Is childish a new insult, like being girly?

Lots of excuses about why people can't, won't eat certain things. All sounds a bit precious to me, and I still think its rude.

This thread has made me curious about where the line is drawn by those with the viewpoint that it's damn rude not to eat everything the host puts on your plate. What if it's cat or dog? Or a selection of fried insects -locusts, grasshoppers ? Guinea pig? Grubs? All considered food in some places. Rat? Cheese with maggots in ? Something that carries a food poisoning risk eg insufficiently cooked chicken ? And If you'd reject any of these because they'd make you ill, why is that no ruder than someone refusing mushrooms which make them ill ?

I think Inertia it's been establised that it's not about not eating part of a meal diished out to you but making a fuss (I think this is where the term fussy eater comes from).

A fuss would involve, say you didn't like mushrooms, if there happens to be mushrooms on your plate, commenting on it 'I don't like mushrooms' (will be interpreted as in a whiney voice), pushing the mushrooms away (will be interpreted a in a dramtic way) or insisting someone removes them for you (will be interpretted as making a scene). Or indeed refusing to eat the whole enitre meal. Generally acting and/or looking like a victim, the martyr, like life has been ruined because there is something n your plate you don't like.

I've a friend who doesn't like mushrooms and didn't do any of the above when she was presented a meal prepared by another friend. She just didn't eat them, ate around them, without having to inform anyone. The host said asshe was clearing away 'oh don't you like mushrooms? Oh sorry!' to which she replied 'no, but don't worry, it was lovely' (i paraphrase as it was years ago), now when she's around my house and i am making something i don't involve mushrooms, or keep them seperate.

I think to that once there are more won't eats than will this might be interpreted as fussy (or difficult) especially when there's no actually reason (ie allergy) or it's not a blanket reason (eg eat potatoes boiled but not boiled with skin on)

noblegiraffe, you contradict yourself at every turn. You are not a fussy eater; having an anxiety attack over something on your plate which you don't like, and not being able to eat the rest of the food because it has been 'contaminated' is not normal. You stated this happens to way back in the thread. Sounds like you could do with a referral to see a mental health professional about your eating problems.

I don't know if you've got me muddled with someone else, whois but I have never had an 'anxiety attack' over anything on my plate and have never said anything about other food on my plate being contaminated.

Perhaps you think I'm contradicting myself because you aren't reading posts properly and assigning stuff to me that I haven't actually said?

OP It's only food, get a life. Why would you want someone to eat something they didn't like? Just to make you happy?

I wonder if people who defend picky eaters' right to be picky in other people's homes even when the person doing the cooking has gone to a lot of trouble, on the grounds of , 'I don't like it so why should I have it?' also defend their right not to write thankyou letters (or whatever form the thanks should take) because they don't like doing it, so why should they? Or not visit someone in hospital or a care home because they don't like hospitals etc?

You're comparing someone who has simply cooked dinner to someone in hospital?

I really don't like spaghetti bolognaise, we were invited round a friends house for dinner after swimming and she had made a spag bol, I ate it and it was nice and then halfway through my dd who was about 6 at the time piped up "you hate spag bol don't you mummy" I was mortified!

Sossiges, would you not say that it is nicer/more fun/whatever if everyone at the table is enjoying the food? I would like everyone at my table to have eaten till they're full (and not be eating (usually) rubbish) an hour later. It's not in anyone's interests to be too accepting of pickiness.

Now you're talking shit. You can't compare the two.

You don't have a problem with food. Good for you. But your complete lack of understanding for those who do is unreal.

I'm not talking about people who openly say that's disgusting, of course that's rude, but as a host you should be finding out what your guests like to eat, not giving them what you consider to be delicious with out any consideration to them - that is rude.

No. I'm saying, do unashamedly fussy eaters do ANYTHING they don't particularly like or wouldn't choose to do for its own sake, in order to be nice/polite to someone else?

Late to the thread, but I find threads like this horrible.

People who think others are rude for not eating whatever is presented to them are small minded and care more about appearances and perceived 'politeness' than they do about their friends feelings. It's horrible, and shows much more weakness of character than simply not liking certain foods, or having issues over some foods.

Yes, it is rude to make a fuss and complain about food that has been offered, but to simply not eat it is not rude at all.

I woudo much rather be a host that guests feel comfortable with than be a host that always clears up empty plates.

Of course it's more fun when people enjoy their food, however you as the host should provide food they find enjoyable not give them whatever and expect the, to eatit whether they like it or not.

Iam what you would call a fussy eater, however I wouldn't make a fuss if I was served something I didn't like, I would just eat around it. I would be mortified if you then started to make a fuss about what I'd eaten.

We once had people over for dinner, one a veggie who eats fish, a meat eater who doesn't eat fish and me who eats meat and fish butno veg. Each person was catered for and we all had a fantastic night, there may have been food that not all could eat but it wasn't mentioned and no fuss was made by anyone. When I go to friends houses for dinner, they know that I will eat the stuff I like and leave the stuff I don't. They would never make a fuss about it or make me feel bad.

If you're having friends round for a meal prepare food that you know everyone will like or can at least eat around, if this is such a problem I would suggest you stop cooking for people as its obviously a big thing for you.

i would hate for a guest to feel they had to force food down, to spare my feelings.

Unfortunately, I do have a problem with food intolerances. I also had bowel cancer last year. (The bowel cancer and intolerances are probably linked). I'm underweight. I can't eat a lot in one go after the surgery I had. Quite a few foods that I enjoy (and used to eat) make me vomit or feel so queasy that I don't feel like eating later on in the day. But I still cook classic combinations of things, put butter on other people's potatoes (if I know they like it) etc to be nice FOR THEM. I'm sure many picky eaters don't MEAN to be rude, but they're definitely not setting out to be considerate.

Yes you are talking shit. Eating fod you don't like can't be compared to doing something like writing a thank you letter or anything else you find tedious.

As far as I know, writing thank you letters (let's continue with this one seeing as you picked it) does not make someone feel sick or actually vomit. Does not invoke memories of being forced to do it until it made you sick. Doesn't cause anxiety about upsetting someone you thought of as a friend. Doesn't cause embarrassment.

Of course I would visit someone in a care home or a sick person in hospital to cheer them up.

However, if it's that important to you that people eat everything on their plate, even if they don't enjoy it and should pretend to you that they do to make you happy then perhaps you should state this before issuing dinner invitations as I think most people would consider that a bit weird and controlling.

YANBU.

My kids have had it drilled into them that unless the host is serving up a plate full of poison poo and stones they EAT IT!

..and they do.

Sometimes you need to put yourself out for the sake of pther peoples feelings.

So how would you feel if you went somewhere and they had prepared food in a way that you can't eat to give you a large portion that you can't manage? You say that you still cook foods for people that you can't eat so it's nice for them, but if they don't like it, how is it nice for them?

I personally feel that,y problems stem from mealtimes when I was a child. There were huge issues around food and it became a bit of a battleground. Unfortunately I have never been able to get over this though I am much better now. And have successfully managed to have children who are fab eaters (mostly!)

If you want mealtimes to be fun and relaxed then you need to stop making it such a big issue. I'm sorry to hear about your cancer (hope you are recovering well) and can see now why you may think some people are being fussy for the sake of it. But really it's no fun at all

Yep, you are really are taking shit.

You are one of thise people that seems to think that if ou have had a difficulty with something then everyone else should be able to handle it in exactly the same way as you, which is never going to happen, and it shows you as being more inconsiderate than you are accusing others of being.

My dh has suffered with a food phobia, which has caused all sorts of difficulties for him throughout his life. Thankfully it is no longer the problem that it nice was. But one of the biggest things I have learned from going through this with him is that the people who are undertsanding are generally much nicer people to be around in other ways that have nothing to do with food. They are the people who are kind, and considerate, and thoughtful and are actually fun to spend time with.

Those people who have accused him of being rude, or who have shown no understanding at all, are usually people that are so far up their own arses that not only are they missing out on the wonderful company that my husband can be, but they are also so uptight that they are draining to be around. The sort of people that seem to zap your mental energy after spending half an hour with them and that I, as a non fussy eater, tend to not want to be around anyway.

So actually, maybe there is a benefit to some people having the bollox opinion that you do OP, it acts as an early warning of people to avoid.

Ifeelloved, do all veg really make you feel sick? Have you tried to do anything about this? Do you eat fruit? Are you polite in other ways? You're right, I don't have a great understanding of what it's like to be a fussy eater. There are a few foods I don't like and I developed a psychological aversion to string beans after being sick, but years later I made myself eat them at someone else's home and it was fine.I feel sorry for picky eaters - my DS claims he does too as "it's not their fault, it's the way they were brought up"! It's obviously no fun for the fussy eater and if they're not having fun it means that there's no shared "This is a nice meal- aren't we all having a nice experience together" thing, IYSWIM.