To think that society should support women to have children early in adult life

[ReallyTired]

Babies born to older mothers have a higher risk of special needs, it is harder to concieve after 35 and there are more likely to be complications with giving birth and pregnancy. It is far easier to give get pregnant and birth at 25 than 40.

Unfortunately women are under huge pressure to put off childbearing until their late thirties because its very hard to build a career after children. I feel that there should be more help for mothers returning to the workplace after children and stronger legistation to combat age discrimination. Ie apprenticeships should be open to mothers returning/ starting out in the work place as well as under 25s. I would like more help to allow mothers to have career breaks and return to the work place.

Surely its easier to change the attitudes of employers than basic biology. (Ie. its far easier to have a challenging career starting in your 40s than to start a family.

It's also possible to have a career AND children no matter what your age. It's not an either or situation, despite what the patriarchy would have women believe.

what lrd said

Thanks mrsjay!

I think it's a good point- enough people would then choose to have children at a younger age to make maternity/paternity leave evenly distributed through different ages, so reducing employers' reluctance to employ thirtysomething women.

Iceland does this IIRC.

medievalgirl imagine a world where it was considered normal to have baby's while young, and geared towards facilitating that: there is no idea that you have to find the "right" life-partner to have that baby with; society is geared up towards supporting children, and thus the independence of their mothers (and biological fathers).

A society that truly supported the idea of having children young would probably not be focused on the ideal of the private-heterosexual-couple-for-life-at-centre-of-family model.

Early in my adult life, I didn't want children. At all. Ever. Nothing whatsoever to do with my career, I just didn't like them very much.

yanbu totally agree

it should be fine for women to have babies when they want although there is a stigma if you have children very young now.

it should be fine to have children then go to uni - that would have been far better in my case although the op is also not factoring in - the man to have the baby with!!

i have lots of single friends and freinds having babies quite late simply because they hadnt met the man!

Yes to encouraging older women to change careers/take up apprenticeships/stop age discrimination. But not just so they get having babies out of the way early! Lots of women want to spend their 20s travelling, dating, and forging ahead in their career. Not because they feel they should, but because they want to. Most people I know have thoroughly enjoyed their childless twenties and sometimes thirties - they have had children when they feel the time's right for them and they are ready to ease off and do the domestic thing.
I had DD1 when I was 17 and DS when I was 20 - believe me, none of my friends were envious, they could see that they were far from ready to take on motherhood! Rewarding as it is, we all know that having children is a huge life changing decision and there is no rush.
I hate all this should business - as far as I'm concerned the fact that nature gives us a 30 year window in which to have babies means that the right time is whenever a woman feels it is right!

I think people leave parenting til later in life for a number of reasons.

1. Education. If you do a degree and a psot grad qual, you will be 23 at the earliest when you first work.

1. House prices. Most people would like to own a home before they start a family. This takes time to save for.

1. Culture of youth. Many people don't feel remotely ready for the commitment of family until their thirties/forties.

Sorry, I just picked up on medievalgirl's remark about it being "waiting for the Right One" that held women up from conceiving younger. But I think there are a whole load of hidden economic and social suppositions folded into that idea of "waiting".

Rant well worth having, LRD - and really well said.

yy, Iceland- here. Albeit before their economy melted.

I think it is a good point but I find it hard to stomach the point about special needs. I am aware that some special needs are more prevalent amongst children born to older parents but none of us would want a society where women felt they had to have babies young because of a stigma against special needs. And I hate the idea of that being about women, because it becomes another stick to beat us with, and of course because there are issues with older fathers too, but it's typically mothers who're focussed on (perhaps on here because we're mostly women, but still ...).

Ta plump.

That too, gathering...

And for those of you who've said the OP is patronising etc. - OP talks about 'supporting', not 'encouraging'.

It can be hard in some fields if your choice is to have a family earlier. This is the sort of thing we could do with more of perhaps.

(personally I was happy to leave it later until I was well into my niche, but I'd love to see more support for people who want to do it differently)

I didn't delay having DS because I had a career. I didn't have children because my then partner was a violent abusive bastard & I wouldn't have dreamt of having a child with him.

Yer welcome LRD. Wish I had the wit and energy to articulate as you do. (Not an arselick there, it needed to be said.)

Yanbu. I would have loved to have kids in my early twenties but knew my career would suffer. If there was a supportive atmosphere, affordable childcare, and affordable family housing then I would have been far more likely to have children young. Maybe it is just my particular field of work, but my colleagues would not expect someone to have a first baby until they were aged about 32+. Any younger would be met with utter disdain and confusion.

Noquontrol: "I didn't want children when i was younger. I wanted to have fun, build my career and travel the world."

Why, oh why does it have to be so difficult to do these things and have children ... if you are a woman?

Why should it be either/or?

It's the C21.

Agree with what wordfactory said.

Shurrup, woman, you have loads of wit and energy!

I do feel really strongly about it. I am so angry that women are made to feel as if almost every choice they make is selfish. And actually a lot of men are also made to feel this way too, as if they're not entitled to want to start a family young.

I think it's a good point as well. However one point you've not recognised is that the early years of any career are typically the 'grunt' years. Years where you have to put in extra hours for your employer and where you have to take courses etc to develop your skills. This applies fairly universally.

Having young children is delightful of course, but it is also tiring and time-consuming. I personally wouldn't want to be trying to look after young DCs in the grunt years of trying to develop a career.

gathering because DC are a huge responsibility. Or they are if you're taking parenting seriously.

And that is the polar opposite of being free.

I could have had children when I was younger, I was in a better financial position in my 20s. Society wasn't being unsupportive. I just didn't want them until I was in my 30s, I was aware of the reduced chance of conceiving etc but it didn't put me off.

Generally first time mothers in their 30s/40s tend to be well educated and are aware of the issues around fertility and potential health risks. Some people want to wait until they meet the right man and some people like me want to spend their 20s travelling and building a career without the distraction of children.