to sort of wish we'd not agreed to this holiday?

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

DH, me, our two boys, my Mum, my brother and his girlfriend are planning to spend a week in Cornwall right at the end of August/beginning of September. We found a lovely, pretty cheap, cottage, divided it by five (the boys are three and nearly one so won't take up much space!) and worked out how much we each needed to pay. We're also splitting the cost of the petrol for the three cars that are being taken and we all agreed to chip in £50 each (per adult, DH and I will add a little extra for our boys) for a 'food kitty' - not just for food shopping but to go towards a meal out/takeaway at some point during the week, and also for things like some beer and some wine for the grown ups to share! We'd all agreed on this and everyone seemed to think it was pretty fair.

But then DB's girlfriend calls me today and says she doesn't see why we all have to chip in £50 for food, etc. I explained what it was for and she said no way would she eat £50 worth of food in a week, so I said again that it wasn't just for food shopping but drinks and a meal out/takeaway as well. She said she doesn't want to do a proper food shop because that involves meal planning, which 'isn't what you want to do on holiday' but I've been to that part of Cornwall before and you either do a big shop at Tesco, which is miles away, or shop daily in the local Spar, which is twice as expensive! Plus, we have two small children who will definitely need proper meals each day so we can't really just wait and see what we feel like having.

She's put me in a bit of a bad mood about it all really. I thought we'd all agreed on an amount per adult but now she's saying she doesn't want to pay that much. AIBU to think she should really stick to what was agreed? And WWYD about it?

Just realised there are going to be three dogs and six people in a three bedroomed cottage. I think this is going to bring it's own problems. Have you thought about this. Just wondering. And does the holiday company allow this?

to cornwall.. at the end of summer beginning of autumn.. there is a high chance you will be inside the cottage for most of the holiday!

YANBU.

I think the GF is not really in the spirit of things. Its a family holiday, you will be hanging out at this slightly isolated cabin all week, and it makes sense to stock the food upon arrival. I don't see why she can't just pitch in and then not worry about food for the week. She can go back to normal when she gets home! £50 sounds reasonable, if booze and a take away is factored in.

You could tell her she can sort her own food, but I think the odds of her pinching the kitty's goods are quite high (cereal, milk, loo roll, sugar, salt, etc).

You don't like her very much, do you OP? Do you think she might have noticed?

In an area where shops are a distance away, you do need to do at least one big shop and be somewhat organised. That sounds what the Op (at the instigation of GF originally) has done while still leaving some days unplanned for takeaway/meals out. Sounds sensible to me. If DB/Gf want to opt out, that would also be fine. You need some give and take. It sounds like Gf has changed her mind but has communicated this early. Also fine.

I can't believe how penny pinching so many of you have been. Surely things don't have to work out to the exact penny. £50 is hardly a huge amount to most people and surely a few pounds over or under each way is hardly worth all this hand wringing. I go on holiday with friends/family to enjoy their company not to argue over 20 quid. (If we were talking a lot more then I could see the point but it's hardly a huge amount is it?)

Pay extra for bigger bedroom? Pay more cos you've got 3 kids and i've only got 2. I eat cheep bread - you eat organic. Where does it stop?

£270 kitty money!!

No wonder she's backing out. I'm sure she thought, as I would have done, that it would be a tenner or so just to cover basics.

Forking out £100 as a couple and then having to do some sort of group 'big shop' sounds like hell to me.

YusMilady I do actually like her - she and I have been good friends for a long time - but I'm used to this kind of thing from her. She's quite good at agreeing to chip in for things and then questioning how much she's got to give/why she has to give that much right at the last minute. This is just a larger scale thing than when we all chip in together for a BBQ or whatever.

Anyway, thanks for all your replies.. some good advice there. I had a chat with her this morning and we've agreed that we will probably be eating all together at the cottage for three nights out of the week - my brother and I are taking my Mum out for her birthday one night, as it falls during the week we're away, and DB and GF will be going out for a meal, and she has also offered to babysit if DH and I want to go out for a meal. Obviously my Mum will also be around but it's a really nice offer on her part so I'm grateful for that. Plus, we're having fish and chips the first night so that's four nights out of seven covered probably. So DH and I are going to cook one night, DB and GF another night, and Mum the third night.. We're going to do a shop when we get there and just split it between us on the day, and then whoever's turn it is to cook can sort out how they want to get their food to do that. We'll have breakfasts/lunches in, plus sundries, and that will all be split between all of us, and then we're going to sort out the meals we're cooking ourselves.

Phew! Awkward holiday argument averted! Thanks MNetters!

Oh, and re: the comment about the boys using hot water, electricity, etc.. that's included in the rental price for the week, so why would we need to pay extra to cover their electricity costs?! Also, we actually have the smallest of the three bedrooms because it's got a double and a single bed in it. DS2 will be in a travel cot. Mum (lucky mare!) has the king-sized bed with the en-suite bathroom!

REALLY glad you've got this out in the open, Ragamuffin :)

Hope you all have a lovely, chilled-out, flexible & co-operative break. Enjoy!

Ugh, a massive food shop at the start of the week? No, no, no! This is what we (me, DH, ILs, BIL plus GF, other BIL/SIL/DN (age 2) do:

Each couple takes care of a day's lunch/dinner. We all tend to make something in advance, freeze it, bung it in the freezer on arrival, and hey presto, evening meal sorted easy peasy. We also bring the booze for that day, lay/clear the table, wash up and tidy up in the kitchen. That way we can spend what we like on food, there's only ever 2 people in the kitchen, you only spend a day doing "chores", and the rest of the time you feel like you're on holiday because after that, it's someone else's turn to feed and water you. We also bring bread/milk/breakfasty bits and share. I guess it helps that we all like cooking and we all just sort of get on with it.

On the last night we'll go out for a meal or get a takeaway and we'll all just chip in. It's easier than meal planning or doing a huge food shop when we get there - granted, there's always things like bread and milk we have to go out for, but that's ok. We like spending the days going out doing stuff and then getting back in the early evening ready to play games/drink/eat/relax than go out again, plus it means everyone can drink because we're not driving to a pub/hotel.

Having re-read the above I do realise this makes us sound like the bloody Waltons so I apologise to anyone who is now feeling a bit sick

LadyMary I'm stealing that idea.

Phew, we all love a happy ending

Ps make sure they know how appreciative you are of them offering to babysit for you.

Hope you have a great holiday.

OP, I see you've resolved it now but just wanted to say I think you come across as having a sense of entitlement, such as expecting your brother and his girlfriend to pay over the odds into the kitty, thinking it's ok to take your children on holiday for free and expecting everyone else to ferry the four of you around

Also am I the only person who thinks meal planning and doing a big shop on holiday is dull as dishwater? It would make me depressed. I certainly wouldn't want to sit and eat child-friendly casseroles at 5pm that's for certain

Completely agree, Hexagonal. It sounds like my idea of hell! I understand that you'll need to get the basics in if you're sharing a holiday cottage, but £50 each is a huge amount of money.
I wouldn't be happy paying that to then have to sit in each night, just to eat the food I'd already paid for. I'm on holiday, I want spontaneity!
I'd rather take each day as it comes, stay out longer if I want to, go to the pub, eat chips on the beach, whatever. Not feel like I've got to be home for 5pm to cook a family dinner of spag bol.

Every year we go on a big family holiday with seven of us, and the way we do it is that each couple brings a load of booze and shopping with them. Yes, there's sometimes a crossover in that we might end up with too much bread and not enough milk, but it saves a lot of hassle and wranglings over cash. That way there's always food in the cupboards for breakfasts etc, but each evening we decide what we want to do food-wise. If one couple wants to go out and eat without the others, that's fine, but more often than not we take it in turns to cook.
Meal planning, to me, just takes the joy out of it - I'm completely with the girlfriend on this one. She shouldn't feel like she has to eat with the kids every night, it's her holiday too.

We often holiday in remote areas in the UK so tend to plan meals in advance. It means that you don't have to do much shopping whilst there. If you're with young kids eating out can be a nightmare and local shops poorly stocked.
Now the kids are teenagers I don't take much with us if we're staying somewhere busy, but when they were younger it was easier to buy food in advance rather than trail them round shops. I hate shopping on holiday. Abroad we take things more day by day as buying and eating the food is part of the fun.

God before dc I would never have wanted to go on huday send spend ANY evenings in, let alone with other peoples dc!!!

The whole holiday the OP has described just sounds totally depressing; staying in a village with only a 'Spar' shop. Meal planning to the max, no doubt boring child-friendly meals, thinking everyone is going to stay in the house every evening, 3 dogs!

But isn't the OP using 1 bedroom, as is her DB and gf and M?

I agree that I think rental costs should be split per bedroom.

Food - the family with kids should pay more.

Petrol - surely you each take your own cars?

Sorry - just re-read thread about petrol costs

Our family holidays revolve around feeding our kids (all under 5) . I can't see any other way round it when I get as tired and grumpy as they do when we haven't eaten properly so planning for a week of eating well is one of my holiday priorities.

"The whole holiday the OP has described just sounds totally depressing" Nice. What's the alternative when you have small children Hexagonal?

The other point about food is that you wouldn't want to eat what you do at home when you're on holiday, would you? Especially if the girlfriend is a bit of a foodie, as you've already suggested.
If I were her I'd be looking forward to getting fresh fish from the market, finding interesting local cheeses, that kind of thing. As well as sampling the pubs and restaurants, of course.
To instead be told that we had to plan meals in advance, bought from Tesco, would fill me with horror. As would sitting down to a plate of cottage pie with my two young nephews at 6pm, while I was secretly thinking I'd far rather be sharing a bottle of wine with my boyfriend at a pub near the beach and just making do with a plate of chips, or whatever else was on offer.

As for all these people saying £50 isn't much for a week's food - what do you eat?! Maybe it's because I'm veggie, but I would really struggle to get through that.
If I were her, I'd also wonder why I was paying the same for accommodation costs as a family of four, when the living areas are taken over with kids' toys, buggies and so on and I can't get in the bathroom as the kids are being bathed. I know she suggested the splitting of accomodation costs, but perhaps after adding up that, the petrol money and the frankly unfair food kitty situation, she's wondering what she's let herself in for.