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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to sort of wish we'd not agreed to this holiday?

153 replies

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 16:25

DH, me, our two boys, my Mum, my brother and his girlfriend are planning to spend a week in Cornwall right at the end of August/beginning of September. We found a lovely, pretty cheap, cottage, divided it by five (the boys are three and nearly one so won't take up much space!) and worked out how much we each needed to pay. We're also splitting the cost of the petrol for the three cars that are being taken and we all agreed to chip in £50 each (per adult, DH and I will add a little extra for our boys) for a 'food kitty' - not just for food shopping but to go towards a meal out/takeaway at some point during the week, and also for things like some beer and some wine for the grown ups to share! We'd all agreed on this and everyone seemed to think it was pretty fair.

But then DB's girlfriend calls me today and says she doesn't see why we all have to chip in £50 for food, etc. I explained what it was for and she said no way would she eat £50 worth of food in a week, so I said again that it wasn't just for food shopping but drinks and a meal out/takeaway as well. She said she doesn't want to do a proper food shop because that involves meal planning, which 'isn't what you want to do on holiday' but I've been to that part of Cornwall before and you either do a big shop at Tesco, which is miles away, or shop daily in the local Spar, which is twice as expensive! Plus, we have two small children who will definitely need proper meals each day so we can't really just wait and see what we feel like having.

She's put me in a bit of a bad mood about it all really. I thought we'd all agreed on an amount per adult but now she's saying she doesn't want to pay that much. AIBU to think she should really stick to what was agreed? And WWYD about it?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 16/07/2012 19:21

Why is his girlfriend involved in petrol wheeling and dealing if she's driving down on her own?

Shouldn't she just pay hers, then your mother, husband and you should split the cost of two cars?

If you all weren't going, the girlfriend and brother would drive together, surely?

Hopeforever · 16/07/2012 19:21

Please let her buy her own food and plan her own meals on a day to day basis. She is telling you in a very obvious way she doesn't want to eat the same food as you (you have sad she has different tastes)

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 19:21

No, we'll take our own.. our dog has a naff stomach and has to have ridiculously expensive special food. Mum and DB will bring their own as well.

Imperial It doesn't seem like a lot to me either tbh, but if we're sensible I think it should be enough!

OP posts:
RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 19:24

Oh, and we offered to split petrol costs with her as she may be driving all the way back here after the holiday, and possibly bringing some luggage or whatever, plus she'll be driving around while we're down there. It just seemed fairer, to us, to split the cost of petrol equally as DH and I don't drive so will be relying on someone to give us a lift if necessary. Luckily we're near the beach so hopefully won't need too many lifts! I guess that's why it's annoyed me a bit about her not wanting to chip in for food now - we're chipping in for her petrol, so it would seem fairer if she joined the food kitty, IYSWIM?

OP posts:
Jackstini · 16/07/2012 19:25

Imperial - I was thinking that too! 50 pp does not seem a lot if covering all the basics for breakfast, few snacks/bits, plus cleaning stuff, loo rolls, drinks & a takeaway/meal out.

We have been on hols like this and usually do a .com shop to be delivered an hour after we arrive with all above shoppping on - the kitty covers that plus then is easy to just dip into 1 purse when we all eat out/have a take away.

2gorgeousboys · 16/07/2012 19:27

We did this 5 years go - Me, DH, DSS (11), DS1 (8) and DS2 (3) went to France with my DP, my DB and his GF.

We paid half of the gite cost and the other split it between them. We went in 2 cars DP and DB split the cost of the car they travelled in and we paid for our petrol.

We paid £5 per person (ie we paid £25) into a kitty which I used to buy basics like tea, coffee, cereal, w up liquid to take with us. I then did a shop when we arrived and bought bread, wine etc.

We used the kitty money to top up basics and alcohol during the holiday and then decided every couple of days what to do re food sometimes we all went out for a meal together and everyone paid for their own meal/family, sometimes we would barbecue and would buy and then split between us.

I would not have dared suggest that my children should be subsidised by other people.

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 19:31

FFS, I haven't suggested they should be subsidised! DH and I will be bringing anything they need, and contributing £20 extra (as suggested by DB and his GF) for their food. The reason for this is that the £50pp will be paying for things that the boys won't be eating/drinking, such as the takeaway and beer/wine. So the £20 is just to cover a bit of food/drinks for them.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 16/07/2012 19:32

I agree your should abandon the petrol kitty. It makes no sense. Am not sure the best way of sorting. I think do a smaller kitty for some stuff and then sort yourselves out. You both sound a bit anal so a recipe for disaster!!

2rebecca · 16/07/2012 19:32

£50 a week for food and drink on holiday doesn't sound like very much to me. I'm surprised the girlfriend is moaning about the price, but not that she doesn't fancy a week of communal meals

thepeoplesprincess · 16/07/2012 19:33

YABU for even asking tbh.

She has said nicely that she wants to sort out her own catering arrangements. Big thrills. Put your big girl pants on and deal with it.

Viviennemary · 16/07/2012 19:35

I'm afraid this holiday is going to be a complete nightmare. I might be wrong and I hope I am and you have a great time. All four of you are getting a lift there and back and you're quibbling about who pays for what. I think this is a bit out of order tbh.

AdoraBell · 16/07/2012 19:36

See, this is why I refuse to go on joint holidays. What's been suggested sounds fair to me, btw, but I'd be holidaying in a seperate cottage and meeting up for days out. That's just bitter experience talking me though.

SwedishEdith · 16/07/2012 19:36

I've already said that I don't think £50 is nearly enough if incuding all food and booze. That would only cover alcohol on a week's holiday

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 19:36

But she hasn't actually said she wants to sort out her own meals exactly.. she was happy enough to go along with Mum's idea of having a BBQ one day, and when my DB offered to cook a meal for everyone that was OK too.. she is just disputing having to chip in for a kitty. She just seems to think that we should decide each day what we're having and pop to the shops there and then.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 16/07/2012 19:36

But I'm confused OP as you said earlier she has said that she doesn't want petrol costs split. Even if she does though, food and petrol are two separate things.

Don't overthink it and don't get annoyed, to be honest it sounds as if both of you like having your own way which doesn't make for a good shared holiday.
I would confirm with her if she wants to buy everything for themselves i.e. milk tea bags etc or does she want to share basics but do their own stuff for meals. That way you will have had the conversation with her and if they say that they want to get everything for themselves then at least it has been discussed in advance and if they do start using the communal stuff you can ask for a contribution, or more pleasantly, ask them to buy the top ups of milk and bread etc to even things out.

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 19:37

Vivenne Yes we're all travelling in other people's cars but we're paying for half of the petrol to do so. If DH and I had a car we would take it, but we don't. DB and his GF knew this when they suggested the holiday!

OP posts:
KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 16/07/2012 19:38

I agree that you need to let it go....just play it all by ear! You may find that your brother and his GF go out more....or that she doesn't eat much...drop ALL the kitties!

Go food shopping before you go....tke what you know you'll eat and invite your Mum to chip in if she wants to share...

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 19:39

rookie that's a sensible idea.. I don't mind if she wants to get her own stuff for meals, it's more that she seems to want to do communal meals but doesn't want to do a kitty/think ahead at all. So I suppose I just have to say to her that we either do a bit of a kitty and eat together or do seperate shopping?

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 16/07/2012 19:40

She just seems to think that we should decide each day what we're having and pop to the shops there and then

Honestly speaking, hand on heart, does that really sound so offensive to you? You've already said she's a foodie. Some people actually like going to the shops every day and taking their time to choose fresh food, as opposed bulk buying fish fingers and chips every payday.

Chill Winston.

ENormaSnob · 16/07/2012 19:40

As a couple they are having to take 2 cars to accommodate you so presumably costing them more?

You are paying the same as they are despite there being 4 of you, 2 of them?

They are expected to pay £100 for 2 and you pay £120 for 4 into a food kitty?

I really think this doesn't sound fair.

We are off to France in August with friends. Planning on a food kitty that we will contribute 5/8 to as we are a family of 5, them of 3. I can't see how any other way would be fair.

CelstialNavigation · 16/07/2012 19:42

Do a smaller kitty. If/when it runs out, start another one.

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/07/2012 19:44

Norma They're not taking two cars to accomodate us, they're taking two cars because she lives in Winchester and wants to take her own car. If she lived nearer we'd probably only take two.

As I have said before, the £50pp isn't just for basics. Essentially the 'extra' £20 of ours is for basics for our children.. I don't think that's ridiculous just for a bit of food for a week. I'd be surprised if my children cost more than that to feed simply for a week.

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 16/07/2012 19:45

oh god. this is why i hate family holidays. there's always one who won't go with the flow.

i'd explain that you have to be prepared for the kids etc. but if she'd rather cook her own meals etc. she's welcome to do that. you will be sticking to the kitty idea and meal planning. she can decide what to do when you go to do the food shop.

sounds to me like she's worried she won't like what you're planning on eating. why don't you ask her if she'd be happier taking a more active role in meal planning / cooking?

littlemissbroody26 · 16/07/2012 19:47

but your kids are being subsidised if all you are paying for them for a holiday is 20 pounds for food....

They wouldnt go in 2 cars if they were holidaying just the 2 of them surely?

Maybe they felt like they had been kind in driving your family there and you paying for 2 people when you were 4 and they assumed you would put a bit more money into the food?

Maybe consider how much this holiday would have cost you and your OH with out them.. you would have had to get the train there, you would have had to buy food from the local shop, you would have had to have paid more in rent.

ginmakesitallok · 16/07/2012 19:47

And this is why I hate "kittys" - I'd forget about hte food kitty and just play it by ear - ffs it's meant to be a holiday!

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