to sort of wish we'd not agreed to this holiday?

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

DH, me, our two boys, my Mum, my brother and his girlfriend are planning to spend a week in Cornwall right at the end of August/beginning of September. We found a lovely, pretty cheap, cottage, divided it by five (the boys are three and nearly one so won't take up much space!) and worked out how much we each needed to pay. We're also splitting the cost of the petrol for the three cars that are being taken and we all agreed to chip in £50 each (per adult, DH and I will add a little extra for our boys) for a 'food kitty' - not just for food shopping but to go towards a meal out/takeaway at some point during the week, and also for things like some beer and some wine for the grown ups to share! We'd all agreed on this and everyone seemed to think it was pretty fair.

But then DB's girlfriend calls me today and says she doesn't see why we all have to chip in £50 for food, etc. I explained what it was for and she said no way would she eat £50 worth of food in a week, so I said again that it wasn't just for food shopping but drinks and a meal out/takeaway as well. She said she doesn't want to do a proper food shop because that involves meal planning, which 'isn't what you want to do on holiday' but I've been to that part of Cornwall before and you either do a big shop at Tesco, which is miles away, or shop daily in the local Spar, which is twice as expensive! Plus, we have two small children who will definitely need proper meals each day so we can't really just wait and see what we feel like having.

She's put me in a bit of a bad mood about it all really. I thought we'd all agreed on an amount per adult but now she's saying she doesn't want to pay that much. AIBU to think she should really stick to what was agreed? And WWYD about it?

We once went on a family holiday when the ds's were small with my Dad and dh's Mother. To be honest we asked them for selfish reasons as the dream house we wanted to rent was too dear for us on our own. Well Karma does really bite on the arse as it was the holiday from hell and I would never do it again.

I would expect to be paying more I your situation, I can see why she is questioning this. I would equate 2 small children = 1 adult as a rough calculation, presumably they will eat breakfast, drink, snacks etc from the food budget I think you should pay more and say yes I see your point to the girlfriend.

I have had a rethink on this and agree that it is better to ask for a smaller kitty to cover the basics and a few breakfast things and then sort other meals out on an ad hoc basis.

OP I think you may well be my SIL. Except I am never going on holiday with her again. Just saying.

I'm guessing the .gf wants her send your db to eat out more and perhaps eat at different times to the rest of you so they won't want to pitch in on a big shop

YABU.

Petrol: i am guessing that DB and GF are in one car but are having to contribute towards someone else's too.

Accommodation: 4 bed cottage? Your family is having 2 of those bedrooms? So you're paying 40% of the cost for 50% of the rooms.
DB and GF are paying 40% of the cost for 25% of the rooms.
MIL is paying 20% of the cost for 25% of the rooms.

Food has been covered above but you can see that DB and GF are getting the bum deal!

And I really don't understand why there needs to be a big shop done? Take your staples with you. Take a cooler box! It should not cost anywhere near £50 per head!

Sorry, have been sorting dinner/bedtime so there's a lot to reply to now! I'll try and answer all the points though!

Petrol - DH and I don't drive. DB and his GF are taking their cars and my Mum is taking hers. She has actually said she doesn't want to be given any petrol money so we're splitting the cost of two cars between us really. DB's GF lives in Winchester so will actually have less of a journey than the rest of us (from Surrey) but we're not deducting petrol money for that. And, obviously, none of us are actually going in her car, so it's a bit of a win win for her!

Rooms - yes, the boys will be sleeping in with us, hence why we have divided the rental price between us this way. She was also the one who originally worked out how much we all needed to pay so if she felt it was unfair she could have worked it out differently then.. we all just pretty much went by what she told us.

How much they normally spend on food - They eat pretty well. Sainsbury's finest range, or whatever it's called.. they drink expensive beer and wine, etc. She eats a lot, and likes to eat decent food, so if they cook it will be posh stuff not ready meals and stuff as she's a total food snob. She won't eat cheap cheese/cheap bread/drink cheap tea/etc. so she will probably actually cost more than everyone else!

Our DSes' food - I said in my OP that DH and I said we would be contributing extra for the boys. DB and his GF know this, it's already been discussed.. they said they thought an extra £20 or so would be alright. This is mainly because if we have a takeaway the boys won't be having it, unless it's fish and chips, so would just have a quick pasta bake or something earlier in the evening. Imperial We're not expecting anyone to 'subsidise' our children, we asked them how much they thought we should add for the boys and they said £20 or so. DS2 doesn't eat much at all anyway, may as well still be EBF some days, so he might not cost much at all! And obviously we will pay for nappies, etc, from our own money.

I know £50 sounds like a lot but when we first agreed on it we decided it would cover fish and chips the first night, which is a bit of a tradition, plus a food shop (cereal, milk, meals, bread, loo roll, etc, etc) and a takeaway at some point during the week. I didn't force her to agree or anything, she and DB both said they'd be happy to do it that way. She is the sort of person who likes to get as much as she can while giving as little though.. she invited me to go shopping with her once then told me I had to give her money for petrol!

I guess I am being a bit U because I could fairly easily just say to her that we'll sort out our own food and she and DB can please themselves, but I just sort of feel like she's getting a fairly good deal with the petrol thing anyway so she should really stick to the original agreement.

stifnstav I x-posted with you, but the cost isn't being divided the way you have assumed at all. DB & GF have one room, Mum has one room, DH, me, and the boys have one room. Also, DB's GF is taking her car from Winchester, not Surrey, because she doesn't want to drive back here to travel with us, but is still getting a petrol contribution. DB is taking his own car.

This does not sound good. Your idea of the holiday sounds like sorting out the cash in advance so everyone can eat together/help themselves to what's in and you don't end up stuck with empty cupboards - meal planning with room for an odd meal out/takeaway. She sounds like she's going to be working out who had the starter when you go out for dinner and she wants to be able to buy what she wants when she wants. And that's going to get very uncomfortable when she wants to share the dinner she's not paid towards or she chooses to buy pizza and ice cream when you're trying to convince a 3 year old to eat their peas.

Unless she's very hard up it sounds rather odd - I'd assume holiday food for a week would cost at least £50 for an adult (when you're including a meal out, takeaway and alcohol.) Does she want to go away with all of you?

Sounds like it will be just simpler if you leave them to it.
GF might not understand about food costs.

I think you are getting the better deal tbh.

If she lives closer to the destination then how is she benefiting from the joint fuel costs?

X posts re fuel costs.

Last group holiday we went on we paid £100 per head for food and booze and on the insistance of everyone nothing for ds(5 at the time) who was the only young child and wouldnt be drinking alcohol.

Went for the group shop and was horrified on how much was spent on ds's food. Smoothies, yogurts, icecreams and other easy kids foods etc it really quickly added up! So we insisted in putting in extra money for him.

We shared a room with ds and villa costs were split per room which is fair. Everyone paid their own flights/transport.

Kitty paid for everything else and it went ok (apart from the time SIL insisted we should put ds on my knee in taxi and fit seatbeat around both of us so we would save money with 2 x 6 seater taxis instead of three! Blew up into a huge fight and she still tries to argue she was right 2 years later!!!!!!)

I imagine they have decided they want to eat out, they will probably go for meals out while you eat in with the kids.

going It's not that they're planning to eat out, I thought I'd already said that? Sorry if not. She said she just doesn't want to be planning meals, and that she probably won't bother working out what she's going to eat in advance. Which, really, is fine if she actually does that, but what will probably happen is that she'll get to dinner time and realise she's forgotten to get anything and want to eat the food the kitty paid for..

id say just let them do their own thing.

If it was me going on a holiday like that I'd feel a bit miffed that the parents of the children were not needing to contribute to the rent of the house (for the kids), sure they wont take up much room physically but in terms of toddler behaviour like running around and shouting they will take up a lot of "space"

How on Earth do we factor 'behaviour' into a budget?! As I said before, she was the one who worked out how much we each needed to pay for the rooms. She told us the amount, we paid it.

Now you've explained the car situation, think you, your DH and your mum should split your petrol costs and leave them to pay their own.

If she only likes expensive food then I would agree to let them sort food separately, as presumably even if theirs runs out, she won't want your teabags! I do think the kids' food will cost more than you expect.

Because the kids will still be living in the house, it's not their behaviour as such, my point is that when you stay in a holiday house its not just the sleeping space that is important. I would want to pay at least half the price the adults were paying for kids, otherwise you are having a holiday for a family of 4 for only a little bit more than they are having a holiday for a couple.

My family go skiing every winter and we split the cabin by however many people are going (children pay as much as the adults.) we usually buy some food if there are offers in the lead uo to the holiday and my family buy alcohol from duty free, on the way to the slopes we do a big shop, everyone decides on a meal they will cook (sometimes in groups if there is more than 7 people) we stop at a super market do the shopping divide the shopping by the number of people (kids included.) then in the holiday when we need more stuff, usually more beer, loo roll, sun cream we just go and buy it and eventually im sure it all works out. If we get a take away we just pay for what we order individually. I can't see why it has to be such a big issue with so much planning?

I've read through your posts and had a think and I agree with your brother's girlfriend now.

Why £50 up front when you could just buy your fish and chips at the time and put in cash for takeout when you get it? And you're not travelling far. When we go away somewhere in the UK we take breakfast cereal from home (unopened boxes). It's the stuff we like. And DH would be bringing his special coffee. And I'd bring toilet roll etc. from supplies at home. If we went away with family I wouldn't expect them to pay into a kitty for cereal they don't like! And my mother drinks organic semi skimmed milk, my DH organic skimmed milk, small people organic FF, MIL blue top , SIL almond milk stuff, teens drink whatever is just about to run out and I hate milk. We'd cater for ourselves.

If she wants to drink £40/bottle wine let her, as long as she doesn't expect you to chip in for it and she doesn't drink your £10/bottle stuff without paying towards it.

The reason we were planning to shop on arrival was partly because (sorry, this is sort of drip-feeding, I know!) we're going to be pushed for space on the journey down there. DB's GF is taking her car and her stuff. DB is taking DH and both of their stuff, plus a bit of mine and the boys, I guess. Mum is taking me and the boys, plus her stuff and whatever she can of ours, plus our dog, DB's dog, and her dog. We won't have much space for putting food.. unless DB's GF gets it all and takes it in her car..

You need some sort of budget, even £10 each for milk, loo rolls, etc, though, don't you?

You'll just have to pretend you're students and say "That shelf in the fridge is mine" and put post-it notes saying "Do not touch" on your cheese.

Am I the only one who thinks £50 pp for holiday food isn't enough?

So is the £50 for dog food too?

Ok so you have explained the room and the petrol situation so it sounds absolutely fine what was agreed.

I can understand both sides - I'm a fussy eater myself as I mentioned before and particularly on holiday I want to be able to eat nice things. I would be upset if I was paying money for food that I wouldn't want to eat.

On our group holidays we have a big first shop that one person from each paying set goes on and those people split up responsibility for getting stuff but that way each family has an input.

How about as a compromise you suggest that the pair of you or you and DB if that will work better get the initial basics together and chip in costs for that. At that point DB or GF can decide which if any of the family meals they want to be involved in and how much they want to pay. You might want to suggest that you are happy for them to do their own thing, but as its a long drive they may want to have the first fish and chips together and chip in accordingly. Then after that leave them to do their own thing. If they drink a bottle of wine - you ask them to get another, likewise if they end up joining you for a meal - ask them to chip in for provisions tomorrow ( their problem that its at more than Tesco prices)

I can see what you are saying about shared costs but there is a bit of a difference between £10 - £20 for basics and £50 with the assumption that you are going to eat all your meals together and as you have had the MN consensus that either of you could be right I think you just need to find a workable solution