to sort of wish we'd not agreed to this holiday?

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

DH, me, our two boys, my Mum, my brother and his girlfriend are planning to spend a week in Cornwall right at the end of August/beginning of September. We found a lovely, pretty cheap, cottage, divided it by five (the boys are three and nearly one so won't take up much space!) and worked out how much we each needed to pay. We're also splitting the cost of the petrol for the three cars that are being taken and we all agreed to chip in £50 each (per adult, DH and I will add a little extra for our boys) for a 'food kitty' - not just for food shopping but to go towards a meal out/takeaway at some point during the week, and also for things like some beer and some wine for the grown ups to share! We'd all agreed on this and everyone seemed to think it was pretty fair.

But then DB's girlfriend calls me today and says she doesn't see why we all have to chip in £50 for food, etc. I explained what it was for and she said no way would she eat £50 worth of food in a week, so I said again that it wasn't just for food shopping but drinks and a meal out/takeaway as well. She said she doesn't want to do a proper food shop because that involves meal planning, which 'isn't what you want to do on holiday' but I've been to that part of Cornwall before and you either do a big shop at Tesco, which is miles away, or shop daily in the local Spar, which is twice as expensive! Plus, we have two small children who will definitely need proper meals each day so we can't really just wait and see what we feel like having.

She's put me in a bit of a bad mood about it all really. I thought we'd all agreed on an amount per adult but now she's saying she doesn't want to pay that much. AIBU to think she should really stick to what was agreed? And WWYD about it?

I think YABU, actually. Your kids will eat quite a lot of food. They'll also take up space. And I'm imagining the GF is thinking that it would be nice to go for a few meals / drinks out with her BF without having to factor your kids in too. This wouldn't be my idea of a holiday, in fact I'd find it intensely controlled. When we go away with friends we tend to split a big shop for basics, then add to it through the week as and when our plans develop. The friends we go away with most are veggies and don't like to eat out as much as us, so it would be really unfair on both sides to split everything down the middle.

You get what you need and leave them to it, let them buy and cook for themselves and don't let them have so much as a tea bag

£50 per adult is too much. I'd say £10 per adult to cover tea/coffee/milk and bread and a couple of meals in. She shouldn't have agreed in the first place, but often these family things get carried away and you only really think later.

Yes agree that it sounds as though she's subsidising your children - but then if I didn't have children there is no way on this earth that I'd be doing a cottage holiday with my in-laws and their children [shudders]

To be fair, there are endless ways of splitting the accommodation/food/petrol costs, depending on whether you go by numbers, rooms, space, etc. So if you didn't all decide together how to split the costs, it's not unreasonable for her to have another preference.

After having been away with friends with kids with my own DC it's amazing the differing of opinions re food while away. If I'm on holiday I refuse to cook and want to eat out. Don't mind breakfast at the cottage or wherever you're staying or a putting together a sandwich for lunch but I'm eating out every night (even if it's fish and chips) or at least getting a takeaway. I don't want homemade spag bol on holiday, either cooked by me or someone else as I can have that any night of the week so it's not special for me. I guess she's probably thinking it'll be homemade child friendly food every night and perhaps she's thinking her and her BF might want to go out on the spur of the moment. I don't think she's being unreasonable. Maybe work out a budget for breakfast things and snacks and drinks then everyone sorts themselves out for dinner.

"You get what you need and leave them to it, let them buy and cook for themselves and don't let them have so much as a tea bag"

Gee, it must be nice to have family like you, rabidanchovy

YANBthatU I wouldn't do meal planning but I think a kitty is fine. And I don't think £50 is that much for all booze and food for a week - could easily get through that. I never go away with other people ever. How old is the gf? I'm guessing she's been muttering about paying for your kids...

After doing a holiday with outlaws and their children before we had them, all I can say is never ever again. It was horrendous and we came home 3 days early.

Is this going to be one of those threads where OP disappears because she doesn't get the responses she wanted?

I really want to know if the girlfriend agreed to this, or if the brother agreed on her behalf. And I also want to know why the brother made his GF phone her in laws with an issue like this when she has a fair point and he should be sticking up for her.

Yabu I've put in for a kitty before and then been quite shocked how some people will take advantage.

I also wouldn't want to eat in so much, if you want to fine but you don't need to do everything together, surely?

£10 to cover to cover tea/coffee/milk etc seems reasonable to me.

I think the OP just meant that by driving their own cars they are naturally splitting petrol costs

I really want to know if the girlfriend even agreed to the holiday in the first place. I mean, why would you?

Swedish

I'm with her TBH. There is no way I would eat £50 worth of food in a week (veggie and fairly small appetite) and I don't drink much so wouldn't really want to be subbing other peoples alcohol intake. I also wouldn't really want what food I ate on holiday to be dictated by the requirements of someone else's young children.

Just say that you will buy food separately if you can't agree on an amount, much easier! Last time I went away with friends we were all fairly skint so we did the shop, kept the receipt and split it up afterwards dependant on what everyone would eat, (so it was split veggie and non veggie for us). Seemed to work pretty well then if anyone wanted anything extra for them they just bought it themselves.

Never, ever go on group family holidays. Why do people never learn this!

She is already subsidizing your holiday as you are paying nothing for your children and she probably thinks if she pays 450 food on top she will be subsidizing their food as well.

You have 2 children who will require proper meals she doesn't and she proably doesn't want her holiday dicated by the needs of your children.

have a £10 kitty for tea, coffee and loo roll but leave them to sort their own main meals out.

YABU to insist that she goes along with the agreement if she doesn't want to. There's nothing wrong with having a kitty and doing a big shop and meal panning if that's what you want to do (I would do this to). Equally there's nothing wrong with wanting to play things by ear and spend as you go.
Why don't you (and your mum?) have a kitty and let DB and his girlfriend sort their own food out and maybe chip in a small amount for shared things like tea, coffee, milk, bread etc.

I would never agree to a holiday where a family of 4 tried to pay the same as a couple

We did a holiday with family this year. It won't be repeated :o
I think you should be paying something towards food for your children (I may have misunderstood) Clearly they don't eat as much as adults but they do eat!
Petrol,just all pay your own.
Food £50 per adult is quite a lot tbh. We spend that but my not everyone does.
I think put money in for essentials,maybe £20 each to cover breakfast,bread & snacks. Let people sort themselves out for dinner. I assume you would eat earlier with dc anyway? Sounds like she feels a bit pushed into things. Perhaps ask her what she'd prefer?

I'd think £10 per person would be fair, to cover things like bread, milk, tea bags, washing up liquid, toilet roll etc, but that includes the children too. So brother and GF would pay £20, op and her DH £40, and Mum £10.

That's £70. More than enough for the essentials and a few biscuits and sandwich stuff for a week.

Then you could all eat and buy what you want for whenever you want on top of that.

The worse holiday argument I ever witnessed started over some sausages and how the holiday food/budget was divided by two siblings. It was seriously awful; lasted for four hours plus, oh and it happened on a campsite so everyone heard everything.

Just let them sort out and pay for their own food, it's too much hassle otherwise. I do think £50 for food is too much.

"...we all agreed to chip in £50 each (per adult, DH and I will add a little extra for our boys) for a 'food kitty'"

So the others are subsidising your children? I think that's what your brother's girlfriend feels.

We go away with my inlaws each summer. It's £70 per adult for the food and drink kitty. I don't completely agree with how MIL organises it but that's not the point.

The organiser works it out and you say yes or you say no. I'm bloody bolshy but when it comes to the family holiday I'm submissive and do what I'm told.

£50 is waaaayyy too much for food - what are you planning on buying? I agree you need to plan a bit with kids but get in some decent ready meals and staples and split the cost of those, and then oat as you go with the take away and meals out.

I take it you are bringing two cars and your mum is a passenger? Why are you splitting the petrol?