DH signed text to work colleague "XILF x" AIBU to be very angry?

[sockonwilly]

DH worked away for 7-8 weeks a couple of months ago and has been away lots of weekends recently.

Found a text to someone he's been working with signed "the XILF x".

The "X" is something else which I have changed but imagine it being a job title so for example if he was a manager it was MILF or if he was a doctor it would be DILF.

We all know what that means right?

Clearly been at least some sort of innappropriate conversations going on here hasnt there

I am 32 wks preg.

There is an awful awful lot wrong with our relationship in other ways but I didnt think faithfulness was one of them tbh....

Oh sock

He really needs to shape up or ship out.

Can you talk to your MW? Or family/friends you can confide in? Would they be able to offer support? I understand why you are hiding how you feel, but those feelings will only stay hidden for so long till they rushing out.

Have you been to see your GP about your depression? It sounds dreadful.

All of this just makes your husband's actions sound even worse, tbh. He clearly has no intention of supporting you and taking care of your needs.

Oh sock I don't know what to say. You really need to decide for yourself if this is working for you or you would be happier without him. It seems he keeps a lot of stuff from you and it's in no way a partnership. :(

OP, you need to start surrounding yourself with as much support as you can. Who and what do you have to turn to right now?

Oh sock - that sounds worse and worse . Is there anyone in rl you can talk to? Not ignoring op as tons of good advice but it sounds like you have a load going on.

Also what sort of financial mess? How much would land on you if you did separate?

oh my goodness sock, it sounds like you need some head space away from him. do you have family or friends close that you can to about all of this and seek some practicall help and support if you where to tell him to go?

I think you need to tell him this is a deal breaker for you. you have 2 options he stays or goes. Either way he really must step up and take some responsibilty for his actions. he simply cant smirk at all of this without any explination as to how he is going to fix it all redeem himself.

I wopuld be asking him to leave the house just now.

OP he sounds like an utter prick. I'm not quite sure why you haven't kicked him out on his arse? Tell him to get himself a job or get out and fend for himself.

And being pregnant myself if my DH had 'smirked' over something like that I'd have punched him in the kisser and blamed the hormones. Your 'D'H is a cocklodger.

You sound like you need some RL support. Have you family or friends you could confide in? V important to see GP too as apparently pre-natal depression is common but less well known than post-natal. You need help - time to stop hiding what you're going through from the world. x

Im scared to tell my midwife or gp. im worried it will trigger something official, i dont know. im so used to hiding things. my job is very public, i have to have such a front on all the time, constantly. you are constantly taught to never let personal emotions come over etc. im so used to it.

So essentially he is a SAHD who does occasional freelance work.

The freelance work pays hardly anything.

He refuses to get a job that would bring in money for you, him and the children. (Even opposing shift work that would enable shared child
care)

What is he doing every weekend he is away? Is it work related?

He is very dismissive of you and yes, you are at risk of PND. You really do need to start putting yourself first - if only for the sake of your children.

I am depressed. I know I am.

Sorry this thread has now taken a massively different course

Weekends are work related yes. he has finished doing that now though so at home all the time now.

Phone your GP - now.

You need RL support.

the only thing official talking to your GP or mw would be support, they arde not going to make automatic judgementsd on your parenting capacity, they will want to give you the best support to contue. I have no experience of post natal derpession however I do know that as with anything the earlier your recieve support and treatment the better your chances are of recovering well, espceially with this hanging over you. You do need talk to your MW.

I'm going to go downstairs and get something to eat as havent eaten today yet. i will be back later to read any further posts so please keep posting and i will read them all - im not being rude by not replying for a bit, just need to go downstairs and see DS etc.

thanks you for all replies so far. this is helping a lot actually. i have never had anyone else's perspective on all of this before.

phone now and tell your mw you are depressed, that is all you need to say just now if you cant do anything else or say anything else to them just lift the phone and say that!!

Yes, phone your GP now. It won't do anything other than help you. Depression is very common indeed, and your GP and midwife won't think badly of you for it. They'll just want to help and support you. You need and deserve some support.

I was also wondering what your DH was doing on all those weekends away (and weeks away) if he doesn't properly work.

What led to the bankruptcy? And why did he keep it from you? How does it affect you?

Seriously, talk to your GP and/or MW. I have had PND and depression and I suffered for longer than I needed to because I didn't ask for help.
What about parents/siblings/friends? Can they offer you support whether practical or emotional?

Can you kick a SAHD out the house?

I think you need some legal advice.

You poor love. Please look after yourself, focus on yourself, shelve him in your mind because long term you're too intelligent to harbour this fool forever but this isn't the best time for screaming upheaval. Stay sleeping in spare room, see doc and ask for support of any kind (PG-friendly anti depressent, support group etc) tell H he's on trial and switch off from him (he'll be terrified). Concentrate on yourself, the baby and the dc. Strenght and support to you. It will get better one day soon, one way or the other. xxx

Agree with Enthusiastic - get the help you need for your depression.

You need support, you have a very difficult situation at home.

Comforting virtual hug ...

To be honest he sounds like a total git. He's not giving you any support, mental or financial.

You need to look after yourself first - regular food and enough sleep as tiredness and low blood suger really makes a difference to how you feel - and then think hard about what he's bringing to the relationship, and if the answer's not-a-whole-hell-of-a-lot then do yourself a kindness and move on without him.

Best of luck!

He's not a SAHD. He was working away for weeks at a time not long ago.

He's an unemployed freeloader who hasn't given up work to care for his children.

He has no moral right to stay in the home on that basis.

get an appointment with you midwife or gp, remember that what you say to them is confidential and hopefully they will find a way to help you, it doeant matter to them that you have a public face/persona they will care about helping you the patient, obviously they cant do anything about the situation with idiot of a h.