To wish the word "narc" and its general usage could be wiped off the face of Mumsnet.

[GothAnneGeddes]

Narc as in short for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

There is a lot of debate about personality disorders within mental health and how they should be categorised anyway.

Often this term is used on Mumsnet when the person has never been diagnosed with any form of mental health issue, it's just a lazy shorthand for behaviours that the poster doesn't like. Then you have people who've never even met the person being discussed diagnosing them with it on here.

AIBU to think that armchair diagnosis is a bad idea and it needs to stop?

LRD, my point isn't that people don't have PD. But it's dangerous to diagnose online. It makes no sense at all, especially since we're only getting stuff from one perspective.

I don't think it's helpful for either side.

Plus, I never see posts saying anything positive about the people who're being online diagnosed. It's just like shit person = personality disorder.

Yes, that's what I'm getting at gothanne. I think it happens because obviously 'depressed' has both a clincial meaning and a colloquial meaning and mostly people will know how to distinguish (eg., 'I feel really depressed and fed up' versus 'I am depressed and currently medicated for it').

Oh and I agree with those that said its not like a narc will get a doctors diagnosis is it? They'd have to admit something was wrong with them and that won't happen!

yellow - sure, we agree on that. I don't think online diagnosis (as opposed to online suggestions!) are helpful at all. I just wanted to say that it could be some of the people you're seeing are also diagnosed.

yellow, you won't see partners with BPD being discussed in terms of their disorder unless it's been diagnosed and the OP is able to say how it affects them.

I have no idea what you mean garlicbutter.

I'm talking about people saying "she sounds like she could have BPD."

The thing that annoys me most is the suggestion of 'he sounds depressed' at a woman who's husband is clearly being a shit cos he's currently experiencing shiney new pussy syndrome (cheating in other words)

No he is not depressed at all that's why he manages to go off and have nights out inbetween treating his wife like shit.

I saw it on a thread this morning and yes most of the time the person just sounds like a knob not someone with npd

OMG YES

every ones other half is ethier a narc, has asyperers or pychopath.

its pretty daunting reading some of the stuff there.

Thing is though people with NPD are nobs.

Amber. YY!

What's more damaging?

Calling someone a narc-show some links to a poster that she can identify her DHs arseholery on. It will state clearly that a narc is a narc for life and escape is your only option.

Saying someone has aspergers-show a link that may support some behaviors that a poster can identify with (usually being withdrawn as in refusing to talk about issues or just ignoring his wife) the damaging thing here is the OP will think she can help and cure him if he gets a diagnosis!

All she's doing really is learning ways to tip toe round a cunt.

On that basis I'd say in the case of abusive twats less cries of autism and more cries of narc please.

At least of its narc the advice is on the whole to leave the abusive bastard.

Lots of people are nobs

*if its narc not of

There's nobs and there's nobs

I totally disagree.

Look at the list of BPD criteria and you'd easily think most of the population could have it. It has to be severe, on-going and have a very severe negative impact on your life and the life of those around you to be classed as BPD.

It's not just like "gets angry, gets clingy" well must be BPD then.

Also I don't really see what's wrong with a bit of self-diagnosis ?

I tend to think a lot of these things are on a spectrum anyway ...

eg. I know my thinking can be more depressed at times - and I've found the ideas of cognitive therapy helpful in countering these thought patterns.
You know the sort of thing - You don't get a job and you start telling yourself you're useless and no-one wants you - but you can challenge that type of thinking in very helpful ways.

Also my DD has never been formally diagnosed with dyslexia, but she is taking part in research at Cambridge University studying children with dyslexia, and it was also picked up as a possibility at primary school.

I'm also interested in the idea that I may have attention deficit traits - I've found that really helpful in understanding more about how I experience life - though when I spoke to my GP he just said "You seem pretty normal to me" I might ask for a second opinion, take it further, at some point.

juggling - ok, take a couple of examples. They are from people I've known, but similar things could happen at any stage of education.

Example one, let's call him Tom. Tom's mum has looked a lot on the web and read up on dyslexia and she notices he seems to fit the diagnosis criteria. Tom gets used to the idea. At 18 Tom goes to university. Now he's finding it quite hard. His essays are getting bad marks. When exams are coming up, it occurs to Tom that he really should be getting extra time during exams like other dyslexic students - he hasn't needed it before but now he's struggling, it'd help. He goes to me, his teacher, and explains he is dyslexic and needs extra time. I notice that he doesn't come up in my records as having a DSA or an assessment we know about, and I say so. An assessment costs 500 pouds and the waiting list is currently three months. Tom fails his first year exams. If he's lucky, he'll get the diagnosis, get some help, and come back next year.

Example two, let's call her Jane. Jane's mum, likewise, reckons she's dyslexic. Jane goes to university, same story, and struggles. Jane asks me for help - she's dyslexic, she thinks she needs some support. We get her an assessment. It comes back saying, well, no. The ed pysch doesn't see anything vaguely like dyslexia.

It is actually more crushing, IME, to be the Jane example than the Tom. It is really cruel to have been told you have something and find it's not so, because 'Jane', through no fault of her own, feels she's been a fraud, and feels she's got 'no excuse' for her difficulties. This is of course not true. Jane may well still need support and help - but she'll have to adjust to the fact that a safety net she thought was there, is not there. And a problem she'd got used to thinking she had, is not the same as the actual problem she has.

Btw, I am not at all saying that everyone needs a diagnosis or criticizing what you do with your DD! My older brother is another one who 'probably' has dyspraxia and we have a family friend who is probably on the autistic spectrum. I don't think it matters that they've not been diagnosed because they've not needed a diagnosis.

I just mean, in some situations it does matter a lot and I think increasingly there are people like those in my examples who simply don't realize until it's too late that the system isn't set up for self-diagnosis.

YR but in this instance we are talking about abusive behaviors being explained with the suggestion of 'narc'.

I don't think I've seen anyone offer up bi polar as an explanation for abusive behaviors?

BPD isn't bipolar. It's borderline personality disorder.

It's on the same lines, isn't it? You can just change my examples with the words NPD and instead of angry, entitled and instead of clingy, judgy. Or whatever.

Half the stuff labelled as "abusive" or "narc" on here really isn't. A lot is. But a lot of it is just selfish, entitled crap which most people indulge in from time to time.

Sorry, I got sidetracked because juggling was talking about dyslexia and it's another one that people often start getting information about from the net before getting a diagnosis.

I've certainly heard people in RL use 'bipolar' in a nasty way. I think actually practically any condition that lends itself to self-diagnosis ends up going this way. That is why self-diagnosis as a whole is a double-edged sword. Brilliant if you are looking around trying to get help, but really problematic when people apply the terms solely in order to put someone down.

LRD surely in those cases tom and jane wouldve been assessed as children though?

Most web diagnosis tends to be of adults who just don't have access to the diagnosis process. Which is exactly why so many people after learning about things online self diagnose.

I apologize, yellow. Another reason not to use acroynyms I suppose!

amber - no, that's the point I'm making. Quite a lot of people do not realize they need a formal assessment, or they think that a teacher telling them is the same thing as a formal assessment, or - if they are young adults - they very often assume that their parents must have had it done because their parents have told them they have the condition.