to have bollocked my mother for cutting off DS curls when she babysat today

[pinkpeppa]

so I had a rare day out shopping with my sister today

mother, father and brother offered to babysit my DS 5 and DD 3. dont often see them so thought it would be a nice time for everyone.

came back to find she has taken him to the barber and all his curls have gone.

I still feel sick and upset. I shouted at her earlier this evening about it, and still really gutted she did this.

We have a strange relationship as it is, quite a lot of abuse at home towards my older sister during our adolescence, so I did doubt whether I really should leave my kids with them at all

just seems like she did it to get a reaction, which she did get

help me to calm down and forget about it! i just hope the curls grow back

Noooo, that's really terrible. YANBU, I would have been mortified if someone else had taken DS to the barber and cut his surprisingly blond hair. It did grow again after the his first visit to the barber - taken by DH with my agreement. It did grow again but became darker later. I think curly hair tends to stay curly.

I am amazed that you are still there - don't you realise what you are teaching your son by staying there? You are teaching him that even though your mother treated him badly - and even though he told you that - you are STILL there and by doing so excusing her behaviour. Sorry if that sounds harsh but think of the message this senda to your child. And you KNOW what she is like but still left him with her in the first place - the mind boggles...

I don't think it's that helpful to be giving OP a hard time about why she's still in the house. Her children will be with her all the time, and she has her own reasons for staying.

OP, your mum sounds not dissimilar to mine. I wouldn't leave my children alone with her and they spend the absolute minimum familial obligation time with her whilst I am there. I can totally understand why you thought that leaving them with 2 other adults as well would be fine. It's a shame that your father and brother were complicit/turned a blind eye to her behaviour, but that's unfortunately also probably taught you something about them.

Your ds's hair will grow back. Maybe not exactly the same, but children are always changing. He'll still be lovely.

You might be over-reacting slightly about the haircut, it's only hair after all, and maybe she was trying to be helpful, though obviously she should have checked with you first though. The smacking is more concerning, that's really out of order unless you had agreed that she could discipline that way.

The solution is obvious though - just don't leave them with her again.

my ex husband was always going on about getting dd's hair cut. so i taught her to say 'if you cut my hair, that is an assault, and i will sue you'. i think she only used it once (she was four) but the hairdresser was suitably deterred. she kept her hair uncut until she was in her twenties.

My mother did this to me before so you have my sympathy, except she didnt take my son to the barbers she cut off his fringe and it was all messy and zig zaggy, so i couldnt even get it in to a style i had to get his hair shaved short at a barbers.

OK, you have a day out planned today, however your mother is going ot be in a strop because she's expecting you to have sunday lunch and you'll be out, why stay another day? Is there any reason you can't just leave on Monday? (have you got train tickets or something that means you can't leave until Tuesday?)

I think leaving early and stating you wont be visiting again would be the best bet, why put yourself through it?

What a massive cow. When she goes to sleep tonight, have at her with some dog-hair clippers and finish off with pink hair spray (or better still, cherry wood stain).

"Oh I'm sooo sorry DM, I've got it wrong AGAIN."

my dd1 dads new gf one took her to get her hair cut i was so bloody

Baby hair doesn't grow back as it was. My ds1 had lovely curls. We had to cut it for school and now it's straight.

I really can't understand why someone would feel the need to do that.

It's not about giving the op a hard time it's about pointing out it gives/teaches her children the wrong message.

Did you confront her about it op?

Helloshitty. That took some guts!

Leave. Just leave. The rows make no difference. Upping sticks would.

I have 2 grandsons aged 5 and 3 and a great relationship with my dd[their mum].I wouldnt dream of taking them for a hair cut unless I was asked or doing anything else so intrusive.
YANBU at all but your mum is-good luck.

PooPoo - I think I had tears in my eyes at the time. I was just so shocked that they would consider doing something which would upset their D/DIL so much.

Its lucky they didn't tell you to fuck off and mind you own! (which is what i would have been scared of)

This old perennial favourite comes round quite often doesn't it?

When I was 11/12 I went to stay with my older half brother and his wife took me to a trendy hair salon to have my hair cut. I was so pleased with my sleek trendy stepped bob, thy replaced my pudding basin haircut that my mum gave me . I don't think they asked me or my mum but my mum loved my new do when I came back

There's a line which people should never cross, and taking a child for a hair cut without permission is one of them. You poor love

Lady I presuming your referring to the op, anything was better than that dreaded bowl haircut . My mum was too tight to take me to the hairdressers, think she was glad somebody else paid for it

I was quite chilled and did not mind either way

Put immac on her eyebrows and head when she is asleep. I would be out bloooody raged if someone did that to my children.

Her meaning your mother, not your daughter