to have bollocked my mother for cutting off DS curls when she babysat today

[pinkpeppa]

so I had a rare day out shopping with my sister today

mother, father and brother offered to babysit my DS 5 and DD 3. dont often see them so thought it would be a nice time for everyone.

came back to find she has taken him to the barber and all his curls have gone.

I still feel sick and upset. I shouted at her earlier this evening about it, and still really gutted she did this.

We have a strange relationship as it is, quite a lot of abuse at home towards my older sister during our adolescence, so I did doubt whether I really should leave my kids with them at all

just seems like she did it to get a reaction, which she did get

help me to calm down and forget about it! i just hope the curls grow back

Can you leave tomorrow morning? I am shocked. What sort of mother would behave like this to her daughter and grandchild?

omg...it doesn't bare thinking about...
pack up first thing and get on a train/bus/friend for a lift...whatever...raid the bank acc and get the hell out...

your poor DS and DD I hate to think they have been distressed with this woman....it's horrible

I'm so sorry about DS's curls....she had absolutely no right...I would have been in tears and turned into a mental case if anyone had the audacity to do such a thing...

I'm with whiteandyellowworchid.

OP, I'm gutted for you. Your mum sounds horrid. She's horrid to you and it sounds like she's horrid to your little boy.

Get out of there as soon as you can and DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Ever.

KissMyEmbroideryHoop, she said earlier she was taking the DC put tomorrow all day. So she is safeguarding her DC. Please don't try to make an already upset OP feel worse.

pinkpeppa, I agree with the others - get out as soon as is possible, then distance yourself. It seems nothing positive can come from this relationship.

I know that I seem harsh now...but OP keeps coming in and drip feeding bits of worsening info about this situation and then buggering off for a while. I'ts very annoying as people here are obvously going to wonder why she's staying on...and whether she's leaving the DS with the Granny again tomorrow!

Oh I see she did say she'd take DS.

Still. If my Mother had been abusive in the past, cut off my DC hair and then my DC saidshe'd been hit...well I wouldnt be talking about staying there and going out for icecream to avoid the Gran! I'd be either calling the police or fucking off out of the situation.

YADNBU

i would go mad at that,and did i read correctly that she smacked your child? if so i would go and smack her and ask her if she thought that was ok but this only works well if your at least 4 times her size about the same as she is to your ds

WTF? Really YANBU. Your DS's hair is none of her effing business.

cutting the hair would have made me fuuuuuurious. smacking and not being nice? shut it down. go out all day, come back and straight to bed, then leave as soon as you can. she sounds awful, and doesn't really sound like she loves your kids at all.

op if your down there visiting friends, could you stay with your sister? any other family?
or even a cheap b and b/ travelodge.

it would be the best way of making astand, and showing how you feel.
it would be really good for you

the op is going to take DC's out all day tomorrow...so dinner baths and bed with her there at all times when back in the evening

perhaps she is stuck with no means to leave...maybe her DH is coming to collect them or train ticks are only for tuesday so she needs to wait and just hang in there...bloody poor woman is stuck there obv.

she is likely feeling gutted she thought it would be alright with Dbro there etc...and we want to think ppl have improved and things...she was showing willing to put things on a better track too....it's a bloody awful shame to find it's been a horrible mistake...

try to get a good sleep and look forward to a nice day out with your DC's tomorrow...bless you x (((HUGS)))

If you feel that she did this to get a reaction then never mention it again. However angry you may be, and I would be seething, do your utmost to avoid giving her the satisfaction she is seeking by cutting your child's hair without your prior consent. And have a , and if it were my DCs with my mother they wouldn't be babysitting or visiting again. But that's me.

It can happen that when you are raised by a narcissistic/abusive mother,you can become 'de-sensitised' to how wrong their behaviour really is.I think this has really shown her up for what she is,and when the OP gets a chance to really think about this,she will see her mother for what she is.

A nasty,spiteful bitch who should never be trusted with her grandchildren.

OP,Google 'Narcisstic Mothers' when you get a chance,my bet is you will recognise your mother in there.

YA absolutely NBU!!

Wait til she's sleeping and shave off her eyebrows...?

Seriously though, it was very wrong of her to do that. The curls will grow back but I know that isn't the point. I feel cross on your behalf.

YANBU, at all, in anyway. DS1 had beee-ooo-teee-ful blonde curls that came half way down his back. Had anyone taken him to have them cut I would have cut them out of our lives (including DH). What an awful thing to do.
I eventually cut DS's hair when he was 4.6 on his request. He then grew it out again but those beautiful curls were gone forever :(

pinkpeppa, if you have transport I would leave tomorrow. Just pack up and leave. You are with people that you cannot trust and who your son says have not been very nice to him. Few children have the vocabulary to get across much more detail that 'not nice', so I'd take that pretty seriously.

It's not rude it's assault. Completely out of line.

I'm not suggesting you do, but you could call the police. IT MIGHT MAKE HER THINK TWICE

Damn, soory hit caps lock by mistake and instead of backspace I hit enter - sotty was not meant to be capitals.

YANBU
I'd be furious.

YA SOO NBU about this. I'd be out the door tomorrow. I wouldn't stay another night after this one.

She had no right at all to do that - she knew damn well what she was doing was wrong but did it anyway to spite you. Perhaps when your DD is older, she'll take her to get her ears pierced as well, regardless of your wishes in the matter.

Stay away from her, please - she's not doing anyone any good. :(

YANBU she should never have taken it upon herself to do that, however I do not like long hair on older boys, Mabey it was time he had a big boys haircut

Nooooo! I would be fuming!
She doesn't sound like the sort of person you need in your life, really.

WHY are you still there? WHY did you leave him with her after that first incident? WHY do you have anything to do with her? I don't understand why you don't just leave? Your son has told you again she was not nice to him, I just don't get why you don't go and never go back

why didn't you leave that should have said

I would be absolutely furious. A few months ago we were in a coffee shop and at the next table was a beautiful little boy (with long curls) with his grandparents. They were talking about taking him to the barbers to tidy him up as it was obvious "she's never gonna do it". Now, I don't like confrontation, but I couldn't not say anything. I (politely) told them that if my inlaws cut off my own little boy's curls it would be a very very long time before I let them take him out on their own again. I think they got the message.