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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have bollocked my mother for cutting off DS curls when she babysat today

131 replies

pinkpeppa · 14/07/2012 23:03

so I had a rare day out shopping with my sister today

mother, father and brother offered to babysit my DS 5 and DD 3. dont often see them so thought it would be a nice time for everyone.

came back to find she has taken him to the barber and all his curls have gone.

I still feel sick and upset. I shouted at her earlier this evening about it, and still really gutted she did this.

We have a strange relationship as it is, quite a lot of abuse at home towards my older sister during our adolescence, so I did doubt whether I really should leave my kids with them at all

just seems like she did it to get a reaction, which she did get

help me to calm down and forget about it! i just hope the curls grow back

OP posts:
wineandroses · 14/07/2012 23:27

That is fucking outrageous. And DS's comment " they weren't being nice to him", no, sorry, leave as soon as you can. Can you leave tomorrow? Your mother is stepping over all boundaries. Leave, tell her you don't trust her with your children, don't leave them with her again.

AKMD · 14/07/2012 23:27

If she had cut off your hair without your permission, it would be a criminal offence. Just because the curls will hrow back and the OP's DS is 5 doesn't make it ok.

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 14/07/2012 23:28

Ar you kidding me? You saw her abuse your sister...AND the last time you left him there he said "Nanna Smack" and YOU LEFT HIM THERE AGAIN???

confusedpixie · 14/07/2012 23:29

:( How fucking horrible of her! Is there anyway that you can leave tomorrow?

lovebunny · 14/07/2012 23:29

your mother needs to fuck the hell off. any time she needs telling, tell her.

MoonlightandRoses · 14/07/2012 23:30

She's certainly old enough not to pull a 'Kevin and Perry' type routine when you spoke to her on it.

When you do get home, do you think you could disengage enough to not bother making any effort at contact in the future? From what you discribe, and I appreciate this may not be the complete picture, there is no joy or benefit in yours, or DS's contact with them.
Blood needn't be thicker than water. If you wouldn't put up with that kind of arrogance or attitude from a friend or acquaintance, then much less should you put up with it from someone who is family.

MoonlightandRoses · 14/07/2012 23:31

describe Blush

Viperidae · 14/07/2012 23:31

How awful! I hope I never turn into this sort of mad grandma!

MIL is also a retired teacher and I know exactly what you mean about the power trips

Xmasbaby11 · 14/07/2012 23:31

YANBU. Poor you. She sounds awful.

edam · 14/07/2012 23:32

They treated your sister badly, they smacked ds without telling you last time you left him there, and today even though you thought it would be safer with your brother there they 'weren't kind' to ds and cut his hair off?! I think the lesson is do not leave your child alone with them again - they cannot be trusted, unfortunately.

ForgetfulNess · 14/07/2012 23:33

You have a difficult relationship. She knows this. She has seemingly gone out of her way to upset you at the first chance.

YADNBU to give her what for.

pictish · 14/07/2012 23:33

YADNU...it's the unspoken rule.

Your mother sounds a right piece of work.

PooPooInMyToes · 14/07/2012 23:35

What did they do to your sister!?

You were right i think with your first thought of not leaving your children there.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 14/07/2012 23:37

I wouldn't be there now - as much for her reaction as what she did. I think you have been conditioned to accept a lot of crap from her :( Why are you still there??

MulberryMoon · 14/07/2012 23:41

I think the haircut sounds like the least of it unfortunately. The not being nice to him and smacking him is worse.

whiteandyelloworchid · 14/07/2012 23:43

i would also be v v concerned about what your ds said, she wasnt kind to him.

i wonder whats shes done or said for him to feel that way

Original poster
pinkpeppa · 14/07/2012 23:46

i know I knew just knew I shouldnt have left Dcs today, havent left them in 3 yrs, just somehow thought the kids would be playing lots today, and that they wouldnt be alone with her

i was so wrong

am out all day tomorrow, from 9am back at 6

then will do the same monday then leave tuesday first thing

i need to sleep, thanks so much all, yes, she is trying to hurt me via my kids, just so wrong

OP posts:
whiteandyelloworchid · 14/07/2012 23:47

why cant you leave tomorro peppa?

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 14/07/2012 23:49

Your mother is a self-centred attention seeker, YANBU and shouldn't leave your children alone with her ever again!

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 14/07/2012 23:49

Are you taking DS with you tomorrow? Shock Or leaving him there???

shinecrazydiamond · 14/07/2012 23:51

I have no real views re the hair cut.. yeah, it's a shame but whatev

I'm shocked that you leave your small boys there though after saying what you have said. That is wrong of you.

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 14/07/2012 23:55

Yes Diamond. It IS odd that the OP should mention the haircut before the fact that her son has apparently said that the Grandmother has hit him in the past. Hmm

lovebunny · 14/07/2012 23:56

leave as soon as possible and as well as avoiding your mum, get counselling. you need to be able to stand up to this woman. that might mean limiting contact to having a meal with her in a public place once in a blue moon...or not seeing her at all. you did right by telling her that she'd done the wrong thing. but staying with her is a poor choice for you and your family - don't give her that power again.

whiteandyelloworchid · 14/07/2012 23:58

don't be too harsh on op, perhaps she thought her mother had changed

G1nger · 14/07/2012 23:59

You'd stick to the plan to only leave on Tuesday even after all of this (and no, the haircut is not the biggest issue here)? You know it's your job to protect your children, right? Leave tomorrow.