More of a WWYD,explaining headscarves/veils to a child?

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DC1 is wondering why women of certain cultures and religions cover their hair and sometimes their faces. I have explained about differing religions etc but still the question persists as to why only the women,why don't the men have to.
Does anyone have a simple way to explain it to ages 5-12 (DC2 is joining in with it) ? I'm trying and obviously failing.

i just went to an islamic talk with my 3 year old, as it was a talk she wore a head scarf, after a little while she said "mummy i want to take of my scarf" and I said ok.

when I take her sister to madrassa, she wants to wear a scarf even though there is absolutely no reason to.

they both enjoy wearing it.

My 9 year old niece whose oldest sister didnt wear it until her twenties and her mum until after her oldest sister started wearing it decided to wear scarf. she wanted to.

sometimes in the winter i put scarfs on them to keep their heads warm instead of hats.

www.nytimes.com/2012/07/14/opinion/the-freedom-of-the-hijab.html?_r=3&ref=global-home

Op-Ed Contributor
The Freedom of the Hijab
By AYESHA NUSRAT
Published: July 13, 2012

It?s been over two months since I decided to become a hijabi ? one who wears a head scarf and adheres to modest clothing ? and before you race to label me the poster girl for oppressed womanhood everywhere, let me tell you as a woman (with a master?s degree in human rights, and a graduate degree in psychology) why I see this as the most liberating experience ever.
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Prior to becoming a hijabi, I did not expect myself to go down this road. Although I knew modesty was encouraged in my culture and by my faith, I never saw the need nor had the opportunity to explore the reasons behind it.

My experience working as a Faiths Act Fellow for the Tony Blair Faith Foundation and dealing with interfaith action for social action brought me more understanding and appreciation of various faiths. I found that engaging in numerous interfaith endeavors strengthened my personal understanding about my own faith. The questions and challenges I encountered increased my inquisitiveness and drive to explore and learn for myself various fundamental aspects of Islam. Thus began my journey to hijab-dom.

I am abundantly aware of the rising concerns and controversies over how a few yards of cloth covering a woman?s head is written off as a global threat to women?s education, public security, rights and even religion. I am also conscious of the media?s preferred mode of portraying all hijabi women as downtrodden and dominated by misogynist mullahs or male relatives who enforce them into sweltering pieces of oppressive clothing. But I believe my hijab liberates me. I know many who portray the hijab as the placard for either forced silence or fundamentalist regimes; but personally I found it to be neither.

For someone who passionately studied and works for human rights and women?s empowerment, I realized that working for these causes while wearing the hijab can only contribute to breaking the misconception that Muslim women lack the strength, passion and power to strive for their own rights. This realization was the final push I needed to declare to the world on my birthday this year that henceforth I am a hijabi.

In a society that embraces uncovering, how can it be oppressive if I decided to cover up? I see hijab as the freedom to regard my body as my own concern and as a way to secure personal liberty in a world that objectifies women. I refuse to see how a woman?s significance is rated according to her looks and the clothes she wears. I am also absolutely certain that the skewed perception of women?s equality as the right to bare our breasts in public only contributes to our own objectification. I look forward to a whole new day when true equality will be had with women not needing to display themselves to get attention nor needing to defend their decision to keep their bodies to themselves.

In a world besotted with the looks, body and sexuality of women, the hijab can be an assertive mode of individual feministic expression and rights. I regard my hijab to be a commanding question of ?I control what you see, how is that not empowering? mixed with a munificent amount of authority emanating from the ?My body is my own concern? clause. I believe my hijab gives me the right to assert my body, femininity and spirituality as my own and under my authority alone.

I know many would agree with me when I say that the hijab is basically an expression of spirituality and a personal bond with one?s creator, a tangible spiritual reminder that guides everyday life.

Yes, my hijab is a visual religious marker that makes it very easy for anyone to spot me in a crowd as a separate entity representing or adhering to a particular religion. This is all the more reason why, being a hijabi in the public arena is an escalating force that drives me to work in ways that would help break the undignified stereotypes, barriers and prejudices that my Islamic faith is relentlessly and irrationally associated with. As an extension of my personality and identity, it instigates me to challenge the misconception that Muslim women lack the bravery, intellect and resilience to challenge authority and fight for their own rights.

Every time I see my reflection in the mirror, I see a woman who has chosen to be a rights activist, who happens to be a Muslim and covers her hair incidentally. My reflection reminds me of the convictions that made me take up the hijab in first place ? to work for a world where a woman isn?t judged by how she looks or what she wears, a world in which she needn?t defend the right to make decisions about her own body, in which she can be whoever she wants to be without ever having to choose between her religion and her rights.

Ayesha Nusrat is a 23-year-old Muslim Indian from New Delhi.
A version of this op-ed appeared in print on July 14, 2012, in The International Herald Tribune.

I don't think anyone thinks a master level educated 23 year old who decides to wear a scarf for the first time is oppressed. Quite frankly I'm a little underwhelmed as it is perfectly possible to dress in a way that 'assert[s] my body, femininity and spirituality as my own and under my authority alone' without wearing a hijab and frankly we should be bringing up all boys (and girls) to take it as a given that a woman has authority over those things without having to dress a certain way.

I'm talking about girls aged 3/4/5 years old who are dressed in a hijab for no reason that I can understand and girls of 11/12/13 who wear them because they have for 5 odd years so far and everyone else does so they want to fit in and they will never ever question that fact. They could be oppressed.

If all religions (Judaism, Christian sects etc) would not allow Orthodox religious dress until the age of 16 that would suit me.

did you read my post about my 3 year old today?

and what makes you choose the age 16?

anyway what you are talking about of girls being forced to wear it from the age of 5 and never questioning it as they want to fit in I have no experience of. I went to a multicultural school with very few girls who wore hijab at that time, although of those a lot of them do now over ten years later.

In my family girls have chosen to wear it at different ages and some dont still.

from my friends some wore it from 12 or so and some wore it in their twenties, and some still dont wear it, some wear it on and off.

I have absoultley no experience of girls being forced to wear hijab.

I do know girls of 3 or 5 in my dds classes who wear it. They wear it, take it off, sometimes wear it and sometimes dont, sometimes dont want to leave the house without it, the same way sometimes my dd2 (3) sometimes wont leave the house without her gloves even though its 30 degrees outside.

I think the thing is nailak, that people aren't identifying those children who aren't wearing the hijab as Muslims. Outsiders are seeing a bunch of girls, some wearing the hijab and some without one and are making the assumption that only the hijab wearing girls are from religious families.

I'm not a Muslim so I might be wrong about this, but I'd imagine the reasons why a young Muslim girl might wear the Hijab aren't dissimilar to the reasons that any young girls wear what they wear. It might make them feel grown up (if many of the grown women they know wear it, that makes sense), they might think it looks or feels good. It might make them feel that they fit in (or stand out!) They might think it would please their parents/family, or they might be rebelling from their close family and try to be more like their friends/cousins/neighbours. It might be part of them exploring their identity - whether thats cultural or religious.

I'm all for the freedom of (and indeed from) religion. But I feel that you can't liberate women and girls from being told what to wear, by telling them what they ought not to wear.

If there are women and girls who are forced to wear the hijab (or indeed any other item of clothing) then the way to deal with that is by making sure that they are educated that they can choose what they wear and that if someone is trying to control what they wear then it is considered abusive and that help is available. In the same way that there are posters up in my local maternity unit on the back of doors with an adult woman in tight clothes being told that "You can't go out like that" and numbers for charities that support women suffering abuse.

Of course women shouldn't feel that they have to cover up to avoid the male gaze. But how much we wear/don't wear is affected by our personal and cultural modesty. I sometimes wonder at the 'types' who strongly object to the Hijab and Burka. Not women on here, but men who also take anti-immigrant kind of stances in the media... part of it seems to be a fear of difference and some of it seems to be that they feel they have a right to view, judge and control the bodies of women (just as much as anyone forcing them to wear a Hijab would be doing).

If we were to ban the burka or hijab, then we also ought to ban the habits of nuns, the turbans of sikhs, the caps of jews, etc. If you wouldn't ban those religious symbols, then why would you ban symbols of Islam?

In this country we seem to have a very tight idea of what is acceptable for a woman to wear despite our so called liberal values. Girls can't wear things that show off too much flesh, nor other things which cover them up too much without recieving criticism. There seems to be a fine line between over-sexualising and under-sexualising young women?

So yes, allow women to wear what they want to and make sure they know that it is their choice what they wear. The problem isn't the choices women make for themselves, its the controlling behaviour of a minority of men/families and its that which should be addressed. You can't tell a woman or girl is oppressed by what she wears.

In France all religious symbols are banned in public aren't they? (please correct me if I'm wrong )

I agree with richtea. Totally bemused by the nun references- nuns wear a uniform, as part of their job. Some orders have uniforms which include head coverings. It's not because the parish priest may get so over exited at the sight of their hair he might have to rape them.

Nailak, I read your post about your 3 y o, but what made the greatest impression on me was that you put a headscarf on a 3 yo - not that you agreed to take it off.

lurking - all religious symbols are banned from state buildings. This means that some of DH's family are concerned that they can't wear the headscarf when they pick up their children from school or go to a hospital. I assume you would be equally comfortable that a Sikh man might feel he has to remove his turban to go into a school or hospital?

Thanks for answering my question Chaz. :)

If the question is directed at me, honestly? It's pretty much a divided split in the part of Melbourne were I go to school. I have a lot of friends with head scarves and they've taught me some great eyeshadow tricks! Plus one time [name] even bought me a headscarf, (I wanted to look 1950'ish LOL) but it didn't suit me. :(

I won't lie though, the burqa, niqab etc make me uncomfortable. I personally see it as a sign of repression given what I've seen and in this community. :(

I should mention there is a small minority who it's not like that at all.

This is just my opinion.

tryingtoleave why is it so weird that i put a scarf on my daughter when going to the mosque?

dont even non muslims put a scarf on when going to the mosuqe?

before i wore scarf sometimes i attended the gudwara with my sikh sister when i was in my teens and i put a scarf on?

why is it weird a child would emulate an adult in dress?

Lurking my muslim DH doesn't like the niqab even though one of my SIL (in N Africa) wears it. His view is that she doesn't have to do it but in the end its up to her. SIL is around 60 and no one else in the family wears the niqab so I think it is her choice.

I was talking to one of DH's cousins in France who was a successful lawyer in N Africa before they moved to France, I really struggle with the suggestion that others have made that she is not capable of deciding for herself if she wants to wear the hijab.

I currently tell my DD1(8) to wear a scarf to school. I am sick and tired of head lice being brought home and getting into DD2's head since she was not even 1 (she is not yet 2!)

If that makes me awful, then so be it!

I find the copying your Mummy line odd because I don't recall my children ever expressing any particular desire to look like me. dd for example always liked to wear dresses although I never do. They (both dd and ds) sometimes played with my clothes as dress up but not very often and never out of the house. But then I don't wear anything characteristic so I guess there wasn't very much option to be a 'mini me'. I don't wear makeup or have any beautification routines either.

I have absolutely no problem with adults covering their hair (or most other clothing choices either) I do find it very sad to see little girls in very restrictive clothes when their brothers are playing free, and I find it hard to believe that that is entirely their own free choice given that it never appears to be the other way around (little boys covered up and little girls say in shorts/t-shirt).

I don't think that the burka or any other full covering should be banned I just wish very much it didn't exist.

As others have pointed out it it is not just Muslim woman who cover their head - men do as do many different cultures and religions - it its "generally" done as a sign of respect - BUT - like everything in life some people have a choice and others don't! I know many muslim women who I have worked with as air hostesses who wear their work uniform and then you bump into them in the hotel lobby or down the street covered up (away from from family and friends) this is their choice! I also know some girls who lie by the pool in their bikinis - why not look into the history of covering the head, for both sexes and then the different types of head covering, different religions/cultures and reasons! Culture (family background and beliefs) also play a part - included that some have a choice and some don't!

I have send many a woman fully covered only to disrobe and be exceptionally glamourous - and others who stay fully covered (including gloves) even whilst traveling alone.

@Chaz. Not quite. State employees may not wear obvious religious symbols whilst working and school children may not wear obvious religious symbols to school. However, there is no ban on a member of the public wearing an obvious religious symbol in a state building (so no problem with going to the hospital or going to pick up children - and where I live there are many hijab-wearing women picking up children and going to hospitals). Your DH's family have got the wrong end of the stick (though that's understandable given the level of a lot of political debate).

I don't know of any situation in which your husband's cousin wouldn't be allowed to wear her hijab, expect perhaps for passport photos (which must show the head uncovered) and operations.

Kirsty - I'm sure you are right that that is what the law says. However, its not just my DH's family that interpret the law more widely. Partly because there is a fear that their child may suffer for having a hijab wearing parent.

this reminded me of you

watch the first 5 mins

I am quite interested in the person saying she feels liberated by covering up completely. I think that's really odd.

thats how the majority of people who cover up completely feel.

and they are able to make the comparison to before they covered.

"the majority of people"

how do you know that

Wearing a head covering whilest plastered in make up kind of defets the purpous of being modest if you ask me

sella-ashfaq.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/hijab-style-2011.html

I see a lot of women dressed in head scaves whilest covered in make up and its very sends very mixed messages

Last week i say a girl in a head scaf wearing a body stocking she was covered from head to toe but she was dressed to kill couldnt have been more sexy if she were in knikers and bra