when I say I'm sick to death of tutored kids?

[TopBoxCorbelle]

I came away from the end of year assembly having watched awards being given out for progress and achievement. Two of the winners for 'progress' and 'achievement' are frequenters of our local tutoring centre. Their parents are actually perfectly lovely people who I like and get on with, and I've actually had to drop one kid off at the tutor when I was looking after him. Now, I know I'm clearly in the minority of parents that don't tutor mine, and I'd like to point out my two got amazing grades this year so have nothing to prove BUT, I hate having to applaud the cheating parents who send their kids for extra work as I always then start wondering whether mine will start falling behind...and wether mine will need tutors in order to survive the competitive entry exams at 11. Even typing this makes me question why I'm worrying but frankly, I can't believe that the tutoring industry has a hold over me, even when I choose not to tutor. And even when I have naturally bright children who do enough work at school. Anyone else? Or am I an utter churlish witch? Should I give in now and just book one up?

Maybe "cheating" is a bit strong? I don't like the way some primary age children don't seem to have "normal" childhoods.Why the need to be top at everything?

I can understand tutoring for children who have a specific, diagnosed difficulty and, particularly,when coming up for GCSE's because that is important for a future chosen career path, but primary age children are still learning what they are good at...it is parents who have decided what they want their children to be at this age, and I think those expectations are a bit sad.

In secondary school, those coming up for exams are old enough to make their own decisions and put in the work required.

Having said that , my own children have all been very able and managed very good grades without any help. (stealth boast )

Just reread the op and I just wonder why someone with "naturally bright" children should take any more credit for "amazing grades" than someone whose children have put in extra work with a tutor.

Why the need to be top at everything?

Because a large portion of the "middle" of the UK job market is about to disappear, so our kids can be at the top, or they can be at the bottom......

richman we are clearly of one mind here.

The middle is disappearing fast. It was nice while it lasted but that's life.

Now I actually don't think you need to be the top at anyhting. But you do need to be pretty darn good. And those soft skills have to be top notch.

Molehillmountain - I agree. Hard work tends to be frowned on, is seen at best as making a child into a bit of a nerd/geek and and worst being harmful for a child.

Agree with Word and Richman... - our children are going to face a different world in terms of employment prospects. Hard work and tenacity will be just as important as soft skills IMO.

Go to China, Singapore, Korea, Japan and walk into a Starbucks - you won't be able to move for children doing Maths etc and some of this won't just be homework.

Hamish I always find cultural difference fascinating in this regard.

I'm a writer and I get lots of email from readers. In the UK and the States, they generally ask where I get my ideas from etc. In Korea etc they ask how many hours I write!!! .

As we enter the Summer holidays here in the UK, the country will be divided in how the DC spend their time.

I do too, Word. I have friends at some of the uber local primary schools here. What's interesting are the British and American friends who have chosen them above international schools. They have chosen partly for the Mandarin exposure and partly for the exposure to the competitive environment and work ethic. Think class lists posted outside with your place in the form for all to see (in some schools). Wouldn't go down terribly well in the UK. Many are very wealthy but don't want their children to grow up lazy or over privileged. The enrichment classes will go on today, after school. Children will typically attend for around 2 hours. My Western friends also have their children signed up for them. I was sceptical and then I went along and sat through a session or two. They are like boardrooms, beautifully designed and appealing to children. The children are shown clips about university entry from about 7 years old. These clips are fun, lively and interesting and assume maturity and intelligence amongst the children. The children practise public speaking, are given an assignment that involves collaboration and have a go on the spot. There's a huge amount of laughter and fun and the teacher's are fabulous. At 7 the children begin to think about whether they should try for Brown, Harvard or Oxbridge (for example) it's exhilarating and interesting. Of course not all will make it but they are curious and ambitious and believe that most things are possible with hard work.

It's really interesting & innovative. How would it go down in the UK I wonder?

And think of those cheating parents who read their kids bedtime stories! So unfair to the parents who just leave their kids to find their natural level.

Oh dear, OP. Your posts sound quite odd.

What do you have to do to win a prize? You have to put some effort in and progress. Easy really. A kid who is already getting 99% probably doesn't need their confidence boosting by being given a book token.

Did the OP come back?

OP, Yabu.

YABU and sound jealous OP.

Maybe one would need to continue to pay for a private tutor all the way through a child's education. Or maybe not.It isn't set in stone. I do not have a problem with parents whom choose to pay for extra tuition. I'm certainly not jealous of it.

YABU

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief said exactly what I would have said but more eloquently!

I have no personal interest in being for or against tutoring. I have one child at a grammar and one going to a comp. I couldn't afford a tutor but have nothing against people who do use tutors.

I think the OP is under the impression that the school has ultimate legal and ethical responsibility for ensuring the education of her child. They don't: the ultimate responsibility lies with you.

I often ask on these threads, if you don't spend any time, or pay for somebody else to spend time, with your kids expanding their education outside of school - and let's remember that education in the UK includes all academic subjects, technology, sport, dance, drama, art, music and IT, what on earth is it that you DO with your children? Do you all just around watching tv for the whole time they are not in school? The vast majority of parents educate their children, one way or another. Saying that a school should get a child to their 'natural level' is just laziness.

''A kid who is already getting 99% probably doesn't need their confidence boosting by being given a book token.''

If a child is regularly getting marks like that simply due to natural ability then the school is failing them by not offering them a harder test so that the child can actually strive for something. It's not the child's fault if the work is too easy.

Hamishbear the immersion you're describing in those enrichment classes sounds sinister.

Being a child isn't just about preparing for adulthood, it's about just being, surely?

I spend 10 minutes a day forcing getting DD1 to practise her handwriting. Her handwriting has improved enormously. I am confident it's the one to one, every day practice that has made the difference. Her teacher has 30 kids and no time to spend coaching each one individually on cursive letter formation.

OP - Are you against parents helping their children in this way, too?

It's not sinister, or pressured. The classes I describe are fun and very creative. Much more productive than sitting around watching the TV etc. They're different and difficult for many to comprehend, but don't knock them till you've tried them.

Of course a child should simply 'be' and allowed lots of time for play with friends etc too. The programmes I describe may not be everyone's cup of tea but I'd say they were useful and enriching.

I'd have loved something like that as a child. I am very creative now, at the expense of other things, I was left to 'be' all the time. It's about balance.

I haven't read the entire thread. People use tutors for all kinds of reasons. One of my son's friends has had a tutor for English this year. He came to England unable to speak a word of English at the age of seven. Over the last three year the child has made amazing progress and the school stopped giving him extra help with English at the end of year 3. However his parents felt that his language skills were holding back educationally. The boy's parents did not feel confident enough to tutor their son in English so paid an native English person to do the tutoring.

The boy has made massive progress in every area of the curriculm as a result. Prehaps whats sad is that his parent had to pay for the help. I don't think its cheating to pay for tutoring any more than to pay for guitar lessons.

yanbu, I'd be well cheesed off if I lived in a community where tutoring was considered the norm.

I have felt how you feel throughout primary school - not the cheating part, but that I might be failing DD by not tutoring her.

We just had the sats results and she has achieved the same (and slightly higher) marks as the five other 'top group' kids, who were all tutored. I am so relieved that I made the right choice for her and didn't add to the pressure. We do, however, spend time at art galleries and museums and out and about as a family.

I do think I'd have had to get some help for her if she'd been going for competitive entry schools, but GS don't exist here and we can't afford private schools. And she's only 11 for heavens sake!

And I have wondered whether some of the tutoring is counter-productive and causes confusion when the problem-solving methods taught are not the same as those at school.

Tutoring isn't "cheating". It's about enthusiasm for learning and the enjoyment of reaching the best potential you can. If this is taken too far then it's unhealthy but I have no problem at all with children learning things out of school time.

Poor kids I say, they probably deserve the awards after having their free time eaten into

It is just extra teaching as far as I can see.