when I say I'm sick to death of tutored kids?

[TopBoxCorbelle]

I came away from the end of year assembly having watched awards being given out for progress and achievement. Two of the winners for 'progress' and 'achievement' are frequenters of our local tutoring centre. Their parents are actually perfectly lovely people who I like and get on with, and I've actually had to drop one kid off at the tutor when I was looking after him. Now, I know I'm clearly in the minority of parents that don't tutor mine, and I'd like to point out my two got amazing grades this year so have nothing to prove BUT, I hate having to applaud the cheating parents who send their kids for extra work as I always then start wondering whether mine will start falling behind...and wether mine will need tutors in order to survive the competitive entry exams at 11. Even typing this makes me question why I'm worrying but frankly, I can't believe that the tutoring industry has a hold over me, even when I choose not to tutor. And even when I have naturally bright children who do enough work at school. Anyone else? Or am I an utter churlish witch? Should I give in now and just book one up?

How would you feel if your child had a disability? There are always people who do better or worse academically and in life for whatever reason. Tutoring is not a big deal.

well I can see how it is unfair in the context of the prize giving (and also life too I suppose), in that like grammar schools and private education, children are being rewarded as a result of achievikng something that their parents have paid for them and the children of less well off parents are disadvantaged through no fault of their own.

I also wonder how schools can be so blatant as to reward children who've had tutoring, when in many cases (at least in the school my dcs go to) it is often necessary because of their shortcomings.

then again maybe the correct view is, as you've said upthread, life is unfair - get used to it. I'm not sure I agree with that approach though.

Dd yr 10 has had a maths tutor for 2 years as her primary school failed to notice she was not achieving.
She has it on a Sunday morning at 9 am, and this is just to ensure she gets a C at GCSE. not an A* or a scholarship.
A C.
She panics in exams which doesn't help.
Don't see that as cheating.

OP, 100% is the best you can achieve, not 150%. I'm sure you were being ironic though...

Tutoring is cheating?

Is having extra help in school, for example from a TA, cheating too? Should children who really aren't very academic fall along way behind the others?

I have used tutors for my DC in the past, but it certainly wasn't so they could achieve more than their peers, it was to help them achieve for themselves.

I have been to lots of school prize givings for my 3 in infants, junior and now senior school. i have yet to come away from one of them thinking it was "fair" In I and J they gave prizes to the naughty kids who had improved their behaviour. no one ever got a prize for being clever and coming top. in senior school it is all about sporting and arts achievements not maths and english so dont think thats fair either. but, fortunately, i always go along to these things knowing that firstly my kids never win and secondly i actually dont care because life is unfair and sometimes someone undeserving gets the "prize". As for tutoring i guess the extent of it depends on where you live. not a huge issue where we are. ours went once a week for a few months before their 11+ but we did most of the revising for it on our home computer using some of the brilliant free websites.

where are all the teachers defending themselves on this thread? (busy tutoring i imagine)

Nah germy they are all checking the DVD's for next week/last week of term, putting their lovely thank you gifts on e bay and booking their 6 week holiday

How is it cheating? It's just extra practice to ensure that they are getting the best from their time at school if you ask me. I had tutoring for my 11+ because you don't get taught that sort of thing in school. Without it, I don't know if I would have passed the exam and it allowed me to get into a grammar school and gave me a good head start in life.

As a rule of thumb in the UK, children's academic success is directly proportionate to how much money has been spent on their education.

Get used to it, it's shite and infuriating.

There are only 2 ways around it: give birth to unusually intelligent children and instill a furious work ethic in them from the minute they first draw breath, or tutor hothouse them to within an inch of their lives yourself.

Children often really enjoy tutoring as it is one to one attention and great fun. Many parents do not seem to have the time or motivation to dedicate an hour to their child and his/ her learning in the focussed way that a lesson with a teacher can achieve. Tutoring provides much more than academic help and is often very encouraging and supportive for children and their families.

Really don't get how tutoring is cheating.

If the parents of those prize winners had been teachers and tutored them at home, what then?

If such students end up being hot-housed throughout their schooling, and then fuck up at secondary or uni, then that's another problem, but it's theirs.

YANBU to feel its unfair, but then life is unfair.

For me the feeling of comparable anger came when our school had an Arts evening to showcase musical and singing talent, the performers were all children whose parents had paid for and arranged private lessons.

And no, I don't have a chip on my shoulder, my kids all have music lessons.

No sport, no music and no tutoring has a pretty crushing effect on your chances of success as far as I can see.

Cheating?!?!

No, cheating is getting someone else to do the exam for you, or seeing the exam paper in advance or trying to look at someone else's answers.

Not doing extra work out of school time.

GAFG.

It's the children who aren't struggling and don't need tutoring to catch up, but still have to do extra work I feel sorry for.
Imagine doing your job perfectly well, meeting targets etc. and then when you get home your partner saying you have to do more work because they think you could be even better.

i can see how it feels like cheating in terms of primary school 'awards'.

if all children have the same input, then an award is fair(ish) for those who listened well, worked hard and produced the work taught in school.
How can average joe compete if they were not lucky enough to have tutoring?

But in the bigger picture....well whatever floats you boat. I would say you can help you child in other ways that cost less. Day in the woods, on the beach etc

Buskersdog 'doing well' in school is sometimes incidental, a byproduct of sharing a passion for literature or words with your children, for example.

Word games rather than the TV or when it rains, writing book reviews, sharing stories - are these always seen as dull & 'work'.

Where I live tutoring & after school enrichment increasingly have a creative bent - children are engaged when they learn about Bill Gates, Olympic athletes past & present etc. It's not always about learning by rote to pass a test. Practical Maths, properly equipped science labs where children can conduct inspiring experiments etc.

I think it's very sad so many don't seem to see the joy in learning & expanding your mind. There seems to be a dislike of anything that involves purposeful practice & effort. If we think intelligence is all innate
& unalterable it's limiting I think. If children continually get this message no wonder some underachieve & some think Westerners are educationally lazy & unmotivated.

Id say tutoring is only worth it in the 2 gcse years if the child is getting below a C in a core subject. Some tutors arnt expensive right? So it doesnt mean only wealthy parents can pay for them? It is beyond me why anyone would get one for a primary school kid! Is it just to say my dc gets lots of stars on their homework

In a culture that really values education it's a way of life, Krumbum. Many believe you can develop a child so they become 'gifted' in music or otherwise. Not sure I'd go along with that but I've seen children with ordinary intellects achieve the extraordinary over the years, that's for sure.

When I was at school my parents would sit me down and help me with English and Maths. It was tutoring, by my parents. If you don't have the skills or time to DIY, you pay someone else. When I was older I was a tutor for a time - the parents were highly ambitious for their kids, both were smart enough, one was diligent, another a bit lazy... they were pushed and even the lazy one did brilliantly in final high school exams. He was thankful for my help and I was glad to help him realise his potential. If his own parents had to tutor him it would have been difficult, with a language barrier and also the tension of dealing with your own child's apathy!

If tutoring were some sort of automatic data upload to the brain - i.e. requiring no input from the child, I could understand the "cheating" thing, but the child only benefits from the tutor if they engage and do the work.

Generally, the more you work at something in life, the better you get at it (maybe not better than someone else who perhaps hasnt worked as hard as you (that's life- we all have our limits), but better than you would have done without that level of effort). On the flipside, children need to have childhoods/ downtime, so you don't want to be doing tutoring Tiger mom style.

Maybe we need to step back and ask why so many parents dont feel the state education system is stepping up to the mark in terms of preparing children to compete in a global economy.

My catchment secondary school is appalling. I sincerely hope if need be one day we could afford a tutor. Not to have dd sail above the other kids or be forced onto some academic boot camp but merely to give her the best shot possible of passing that 11 + so her entire future isn't put at risk over one exam alot if kids r too nervous to do their best at. :(

Krumbum - I bitterly regret not tutoring or paying someone else to tutor dd when she was in primary, because then I might have got her into a good selective school. Most tutoring for primary is done with secondary transfer in mind.

I would just be pleased that yours are naturally bright and are not having to do extra work in the evenings and weekends. Don't compare.

richman I think you have identified the key factor. Global competition.

Some parents have accepted this as reality and are acting accordingly. It's not about prizes and stars,it's about their DC being in an advantageous position in adulthood.

At my DC's schools not many are tutored out of school in core subjects. But these DC work damned hard at school and have more homework than I know most MNers are comfortable with. They also do oodles of extra stuff that boost both their academic results and their all important soft skills.

To be fair, lots of this stuff is great fun too! The DC love it and can't wait to sign up. But there are added advantages too that perhaps we parents are more alive to.l