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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that having a baby shouldn't mean getting rid of your cat?

150 replies

GothAnneGeddes · 09/07/2012 15:05

We're currently looking for a cat. While looking, I noticed that for the vast number of cats being rehomed, the reason given is because the owner is having a baby.

Surely it's not that hard to look after a cat and baby simultaneously? I imagine that toddlers/older children are far harder and you don't see anyone trying to rehome them?

Slightly less sarcastically, is it some sort of myth that cats and babies don't mix, or AIBU?

OP posts:

RugBugs · 09/07/2012 19:49

HV (now retired) and MIL (also a retired HV) suggested our cats might be re-homed - two of our three are burmese and are very clingy with anyone who comes through the door.
Any risks can easily be reduced with a net and some common sense.

DD is 19 mths now and the cats names were among her first words, they all eat from her palm and she adores them (they don't always appreciate her cuddles).
I think a lot of it is about perceptions and cats are still seen as slightly sinister by some (or maybe just the HVs I've met), MIL is quite happy to try to leave DD with her three young labs who knock her about and bite her fingers trying to steal her food

Dahlen · 09/07/2012 19:50

I had 2 cats and 2 dogs when I had my DC. I did buy cot covers to stop the cats getting in the cots (more because of depositing hair than anything). Never had any problems. All the animals were absolutely horrified though and completely ignored DC until they reached about 3. I am now down to 1 elderly cat and 1 elderly dog, but they are much loved by the DC who know how to treat living creatures as a result.

GinPalace · 09/07/2012 19:55

OhDearNigel sorry I can't quote a case you could refer to with your own eyes. I get my information from an article in our local paper featuring bereaved parents who were saying people should be careful as they had learnt hard way etc, but it was from some time ago, so not got the references as such. I haven't done an internet search.

I think it is a daft and pathetic reason to rehome a pet though. I'm not advocating that, but just as you would with any animal, know it's nature and ensure your children and animals can happily co-habit. It is hardly a reason to turf out a family pet.

georgie22 · 09/07/2012 19:58

We had the most scaredy cat in the world and then we added a baby into the mix! He has transformed - he seems to love the fact he has loads of company now as I work part time. He has never been the slightest threat to our dd and stands her stroking him (always the wrong way!!) and touching his ears, eyes, nose etc.!! I can't understand the need to get rid of a cat just because you have a baby.

Yeahthatsnotgonnahappen · 09/07/2012 20:00

My lovely cat and my son have bonded fairly well and he's, well, fairly enthusiastic about expressing his joy at the cat. I have even seen him grab her tail and waggle her whole body side to side and she did nothing, except give him a disdainful look and jump out of his reach. But it's taught him loads and now knows to calm down and stroke nicely, although it did take us hissing 'gentle' at him a million times. My cat is fiercely protective of him - she hisses at strangers who get between them.

I think this thing of getting rid of your cat is a western english (?american) thing. I was really surprised to come across this attitude and I think shocked my friend by laughing when she asked if I was going to get rid of my cat.

Mibby · 09/07/2012 20:01

Ive got three cats, all rescued, none really child friendly before DD, two now are her best friends (first word after mama and dada.....tigga) and tolerate being squashed for cuddles and bits of food. One stays well away but will take a quick pat on a good day. I would never re home any of them

PeazlyPops · 09/07/2012 20:07

NiniLegsInTheAir I will, it's costing me a bloody fortune.

Magneto · 09/07/2012 20:08

I had a cat, then a year later I had a baby. The cat was "damaged" and unwanted which is why I gave her a home. Her previous owner(s) said she was violent and unpredictable. The long and short of it is that they were bad owners with no experience of cats in general, never mind "difficult" cats. She has never been violent towards us.

At no point did I ever consider getting rid of the cat because of the baby. As a responsible owner and parent, I took appropriate measures to ensure both the cat and the baby would be safe from each other. The baby is now nearly two and the process of learning how to be gentle is an ongoing exercise that we have been teaching him since he first took an interest in her.

They are the best of friends. I've put some pictures on my profile if anyone is interested because they're both so gorgeous

georgie22 · 09/07/2012 20:14

Magneto, you're right there! They are both gorgeous!!

mathanxiety · 09/07/2012 20:20

My cat used to get very flustered when the DCs cried, sometimes singing along. The cat is a ginger and adopted the two ginger DDs as her kittens once she had made her peace with DD3, who was a terror during her toddler days.

There used to be tales of cats smothering sleeping babies. Possibly myths that arose to explain SIDS in days of yore, or even smotherings that were done by people.

Magneto · 09/07/2012 20:20

Thank you georgie

PurplePidjin · 09/07/2012 20:28

YANBU

However...

My cat is very shy. She takes a long time to get used to people (barely tolerates my dad, who feeds her if we're away!) and virtually refuses to be more than 3 yards from the house - she mews plaintively at the open window if any of the neighbourhood kids are outside and she fancies sunbathing.

If she's unhappy when PidjChick arrives in December i will rehome her like a shot. I will also cry, but i would prefer my cat to be happy and settled in a home that suits her!

GinPalace · 09/07/2012 20:52

Awwww Magneto you were not exaggerating - what a pair of total cuties!

NiniLegsInTheAir · 09/07/2012 21:12

Peazly try not wrapping your kids up in it then, might save you some dosh

Parker231 · 09/07/2012 21:29

Our cats are now 19 and 13 - the DT's are now 15 - the cats and the twins have all grown up together. We have some lovely photos of the DT's as babies curled up asleep on the floor with the cats as their pillows

PeazlyPops · 09/07/2012 22:20

I got it the first time thanks Nini.

DartsAgain · 09/07/2012 22:21

Googled and found a case from 2011 in Wales; this was only considered a possibility though, along with a couple of other explanations.

Otherwise I found no confirmed cases at all.

Supposedly this issue of cats and babies goes back to 13th/14th centuries when people felt the cat was a creature of the devil and "sucked" souls from babies. However, it's thought cats sniff breath as a way of determining what other cats (or babies) have eaten.

I grew up with a cat in the house and my mum has never mentioned any problems with cats.

fishandlilacs · 09/07/2012 22:34

our dear ginger used to sit by the cot purring his head off, he had the biggest loudest rumbly purr ever. He never got in the cot he just used to purr the baby to sleep and us.

Latara · 09/07/2012 22:44

I have got a photo of me as a baby in the garden - grabbing our cat's tail... & in the photo she's just sat there next to me with a daft look on her face putting up with it...

MadBanners · 09/07/2012 23:42

We had to re home our vat when our first child came along. The cat stopped coming anywhere near me about 2 weeks before we found out I was pregnant. Then when the baby arrived, she developed very bad stress induced eczema! We had her at the vets every month for steroid and antibiotic shots, and she stopped eating. She hated the baby, even thought it was a pretty motionless sleeping thing at that time. She was a very timid cat...so we had to re home her to people who did not have children. So it is not always so straight forward.

Original poster

GothAnneGeddes · 09/07/2012 23:48

O.P here, lovely to hear so many nice stories.

OP posts:

OhDearNigel · 10/07/2012 00:07

We have 5 long suffering cats, all of which gave DD a very wide berth when she was a baby. Now she is a bit older she is absolutely infatuated with one of them in particular and drags her about. You would think the cat would ankle off outside but no - she loves it ! Kitty puts her down and the cat just sits there, waiting for more.

On the "learning respect for animals" thing, the cats have taught her that far more effectively than I ever could have done - when she goes too far she gets a gentle, sheathed swipe.

NovackNGood · 10/07/2012 00:09

Cats are just awful.

VolAuVent · 10/07/2012 00:15

Pixel · 10/07/2012 00:20

At the risk of being flamed but we rehomed our cat when I was pg with dd1, my gp told me I had to, and I didn't think to question it.

Not flaming you at all but did the gp give a reason? I'm just wondering because when I was pregnant I asked my gp in passing about the risks of changing cat litter (wasn't that bothered as used gloves etc anyway, was just curious) and he went to great lengths to prove to me that the risks were very low, got out a book and showed me the statistics and everything. He must have been a cat lover .

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