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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect more from a child's party?

116 replies

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 22:52

Today was the 3rd time that I've taken my DD (age 4) to a child's birthday party at a house and there are no games or organised activity, the kids are meant to just play together. I know I probably do sound ungrateful and unreasonable but 4 year olds take ages to get into stuff and need a bit of direction. Me and the other parents end up sitting around chatting to each other. That's all very nice and I'm not unsociable but am I the only one who thinks this is meant to be a children's birthday party, let's play some games - pass the parcel, musical bumps etc? Today's party was 3 hours long. For the first hour the kids tended to cling to their parents. Is this what is the norm now?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/07/2012 22:57

4yr olds tend to cling to their parents for the first hour anyway if they insist on staying at the party with them.

I wouldn't say it's the norm though

In fact I'd say the total opposite is the norm now where every second of a child's time is micro managed by adults.

As long as they had a good time and went home with a party bag...job's a goodun.

graciew · 08/07/2012 22:58

I think that sounds like a lovely party...wish there were more like it. I would be really happy for DD (age 4) to be invited to something like this.

firawla · 08/07/2012 22:59

I wouldn't really mind if they had a good time
We've had parties before for eids, that we have all tried party games but the kids not that interested and just want to run around and play together so let them get on with it and they enjoyed themselves?

ThisIsAUsername · 08/07/2012 23:01

Sounds fine, can't bloody stand all this organised fun crap. Give them a bouncy castle, ballons, some E Numbers and let them get on with it

Nothing worse than being kids being forced into doing party games, then mopping up the tears when only the birthday girl/boy wins

Noqontrol · 08/07/2012 23:03

Sounds fine to me. My dd went to one like this recently and loved it. She far preferred it over the big hall organised entertainer type of party. Shes 4 too.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 08/07/2012 23:04

Yes YABU. It's frightening how many children cannot "just play together" because they're used to all their play being planned and organised by adults!

Greythorne · 08/07/2012 23:06

A children's party in our house involves musical bumps, musical statues, hunt the thimble, pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey, dancing competition, blind man's bluff and a piñata. Then sandwiches, jelly, cake and juice. Then free play with loads of balloons for the last half hour until parents arrive.

That's a normal party in my book.

The party you describe sounds hopeless. And the parents really should make some sort of effort.

larks35 · 08/07/2012 23:06

I haven't actually organised any parties for DS who is now 3.5. He's been to quite a few and they've been great - bouncy castles, party bus, softplay etc. I just can't afford this, it must cost around £200 at least and that is way beyond us.

I am definitely organising a party for his 4th birthday but if things don't improve for us financially then that will be a party in our house, but I will do pass the parcel and musical statues etc., surely that is the norm for house parties at that age.

So, I suppose I'm saying YANBU

cantspel · 08/07/2012 23:07

4 year olds cling to their parents just because they are there.

That is why a law should be passed that childrens birthday parties should be held in the local church/community hall.
Parents should leave or go drink tea in the kitchen whilst kids run riot on a bouncy castle and ball pit.

inchoccyheaven · 08/07/2012 23:08

We used to have games planned for when the kids seemed to need a bit a direction but otherwise they were mainly happy playing together on bouncy castle or in the house.

WorraLiberty · 08/07/2012 23:09

Free play with balloons has caused more bumped heads and tears than any other activity ever, in my experience

The problem is, they're all running around looking up in the air at the balloons then.....CRASH!

Original poster

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 23:13

Fair enough. Sounds like I am being completely unreasonable then. I probably won't stay in future.

OP posts:

Spero · 08/07/2012 23:14

They are 4 years old. I remember my daughter at that age was just very interested to be somewhere new - once she had unpeeled herself from my leg. I do think you are unreasonable to expect some smorgasbord of organised entertainment. It can cost a lot and usually spirals into some expensive form of one upmanship which is generally lost on the children.

I remember some tedious arse aching emails between myself as a friend as she panicked that pass the parcel and a piñata would be insufficient for a group of little children. The last party she went to involved a bouncy castle, a play bus etc and she felt tshe would be judged as a lesser parent if she didn't up the ante. The children spent most of the time jumping around with balloons and seemed to have a great time.

Johnnydeppsnewmrs · 08/07/2012 23:16

We have only ever had parties at home for our DC.
I have done a mix of really organised - themed games, almost every minute planned and schedualed, to a bouncy castle and one game.
As long as the children enjoy it, does it really matter?

cutegorilla · 08/07/2012 23:19

In my experience at age 3 or 4 they're usually quite happy to just get on and play. It's only after school has trained them to need telling what to do all the time that you really need organised activities. As long as the kids enjoyed it that's all that matters.

Original poster

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 23:21

The best parties we've been to are where there's some sort of activity to get the kids warmed up and then they're left to play. That seems to work well. It doesn't have to be expensive. At one I did we hired a nursery assistant to come along and sing songs and dance and a couple of games then the kids ate and played. Another one for DC1 I shared a bouncy castle with another parent and the kids spent 2 hours on there.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/07/2012 23:21

I'm trying to think back to when I was little not easy as I'm 43 and apart from a couple of games of pass the parcel, I can't think of any party I went to where everything was organised?

We just ran off to play in the Birthday child's room and marvelled at their new presents....we always played with the toys the Birthday child had got for their Birthday...and took it in turns to nag the parents as to what time the Birthday tea was

There were no bouncy castles or entertainers. I honestly think the more micro managed these things are, the more people 'expect'.

WorraLiberty · 08/07/2012 23:23

At one I did we hired a nursery assistant to come along and sing songs and dance and a couple of games then the kids ate and played

You had to hire a nursery assistant to do what you as a parent could easily have done?

Why?

Noqontrol · 08/07/2012 23:26

Oh worral you are just as youthful as me . This is how i remember parties to be as well, and they were really good!

Original poster

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 23:30

Thought you might say that! When I say hired, we paid her £20. Yes, I could have done it but she offered her services and she was far livlier than I could have been. I'm not saying everything has to be organised or micromanaged but at least do one or 2 games?

OP posts:

Rosebud05 · 08/07/2012 23:33

Did the kids enjoy themselves? If so, then it was a success. I know what you mean - I always organise something, but a general play and birthday tea is maybe thrilling enough when you're 4.

Sandalwood · 08/07/2012 23:33

We had games organised when we were kids : the memory tray, simon says, pin the tail etc.
I think it's nice to give the children a few games to play together.
(I think it makes for an easier party too).

WorraLiberty · 08/07/2012 23:34

Noqontrol us young whipper snappers knew how to live it up

Fair enough OP but I disagree

As long as the kids are happy, I'm glad there are still a few sensible parents out there who don't feel the need to control events.

If they were all bored to tears, I'd say you had a point.

ReallyTired · 08/07/2012 23:36

I think that hiring a nursery assistant for £20 sounds like a bargain. It means you could get on with preparing food, talking to parents and actually enjoying yourself.

Not everyone has an army of relatives to help with a children's party.

I think there is more than one way to have a party. Personally I like children to have an activity for part of the time, otherwise children make their own mischief. However a lot depends on what the the party child wants.

Original poster

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 23:39

Yes the kids enjoyed it but it took a good hour for them to warm up, probably cos parents were there but I do think it's quite normal for parents to stay when the children are 4. I thought it was odd not to have any games but it seems I'm in the minority.

OP posts:

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