Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to expect more from a child's party?

116 replies

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 22:52

Today was the 3rd time that I've taken my DD (age 4) to a child's birthday party at a house and there are no games or organised activity, the kids are meant to just play together. I know I probably do sound ungrateful and unreasonable but 4 year olds take ages to get into stuff and need a bit of direction. Me and the other parents end up sitting around chatting to each other. That's all very nice and I'm not unsociable but am I the only one who thinks this is meant to be a children's birthday party, let's play some games - pass the parcel, musical bumps etc? Today's party was 3 hours long. For the first hour the kids tended to cling to their parents. Is this what is the norm now?

OP posts:

nothingoldcanstay · 09/07/2012 21:45

I find it odd that people think organised party games at a birthday are a sign of micro managing parents. Surely is should be the point at which you do organise stuff in order to differentiate between a normal play date with a few kids round. Sure they still have a nice time but you don't play pass the parcel at any other time do you. And no, you don't have sweet between each layer (because then you have to make sure it stops at everyone) and you let it end randomly because that's fair.
The exception to games would be when something unusual is available such as a massive expansive of garden or bouncy castle. Even then I make an effort to play with the children. It's a special day!

Original poster

Emu38 · 09/07/2012 21:52

I agree nothngoldcanstay - I also don't believe that organising a few games at a birthday party means that you are not allowing your child to develop their own imagination, as some have suggested. A birthday party is a one off event.

OP posts:

Montypig · 09/07/2012 21:55

Fivegomad - well that is a relief - if you are me, then I can't possibly be me which means that I must be a lovely organised type of person with a tidy house and not about to have dc no3 sort of by mistake ! Wow ! What a fabulous thing to find at this late stage ( wonders how to spell on line doppelgänger )

Party wise - i think the trick might be to default to what the child wants to do - usually works ( oh and freeze the apples....)

fivegomadindorset · 09/07/2012 21:59

Not to sure about organised but definitely not having or thinking of having DC3, but fab to have an online doppelganger.

GlassofRose · 09/07/2012 22:24

Whilst I agree organising some games at a party isn't a sign of "micro managing" parents, I also think it depends on the age of children. Most games are a waste on younger children and they don't want "special play" they just want to play.

To be honest below 5 years old all these perfectly executed parties are more about the adults than the children because as other posters have stated... most children want to simply just play.

VolAuVent · 09/07/2012 22:29

Nice if one's garden is big enough to fit in a bouncy castle or a fair sprinkling of large toys for running around. Not everyone has this though so need to be organised to make a feasible party for several children in a small house with a tiny garden.

Floggingmolly · 09/07/2012 22:51

They could have organised something.

I was a bit last year when one party consisted of an invitation to the park after school.
The park right next door to the school, which 90% of the kids barrel straight into after school anyway.

The mum had organised absolutely nothing, as "there's a playground right over there", all she did was chuck a few packets of crisps at the kids and because she called it her son's party, expected everyone to show up with a present.
The kids were a bit puzzled too, there was a lot of "but where's the party?"

AKE2012 · 09/07/2012 23:09

At my dd's first friends birthday party we had games. Kids wer so bored & annoyed if they didnt win. This year i let them do their own thing & wat a blast they had. The kids ran riot, ate all the e-numbered food and laughed so much. I didnt do party bags. Each child got a couple of snack size chocolate bars n went home happy.

Cant kids play without being told how to play??

alana39 · 09/07/2012 23:39

At 4 I don't think we did more than pass the parcel for our older 2 and half the kids didn't want to sit down for it anyway.

I didn't think of it as a glorified coffee morning as I wouldn't normally invite 8-10 kids to that and I certainly wouldn't have a table full of food.

Mother2many · 09/07/2012 23:45

I do have a few games, but I don't try to over control what the kids WANT to do... as some just want to play with my childrens toys or outdoor things...

My parties do last between 3-4 hrs... When they were younger...max 3 hrs. I always found between hotdogs/cake/presents/games, there is little time for free play...

I do give a "goodie item"... Usually a $ store cup, they decorate themselves with stickers....and use throughout the party....

I also don't invite EVERYONE either...as 30 kids in a classroom is WAy, Way too many for me to handle!!!!

OhDearNigel · 09/07/2012 23:45

So the consensus is that a good party = plenty of E numbers, stick children in garden with sand, water and some inflatable things, shut door, open wine and relax ?

Excellent

NovackNGood · 09/07/2012 23:59

It would appear so and that oneupsmanship is rife on this thread too.

I hear there is soon to be a new series on childrens BBC called ¨Now I am four¨. It's by the same producers as MTV´s Super Sweet Sixteen. Instead of a precocious teen getting a Range Rover at the end they get a little electric hummer etc. etc.

VolAuVent · 10/07/2012 00:08

"Cant kids play without being told how to play??"

Yes, that's what they should be doing the rest of the year :)

Strange if the birthday's are a free-for-all and the same children are mega-structured the rest of the year Birthdays are exactly the right time for cake, games, balloons, and all the rest of it. When else are you going to play pass the parcel, musical chairs and the like?

slacklucy · 10/07/2012 00:16

We always have s couple of games to hand in case they get bored with just running around & playing. I find the boys just want to skid about & jump on each other but the girls can get a bit whiney after a while so the boys end up in the Garden getting muddy & the girls have a quick game of musical something...then they all go home feeling sick!

CockyPants · 10/07/2012 13:00

What's a party without party games???
Not about micro managing kids, it's about a party!!
One thing I do like about parties nowadays is that the birthday child doesn't open stuff in front of guests. It stops competitive gift giving and tears when guest swipes toys off birthday child etc.
What I hate is party bag competitions between parents and having to have expensive parties with all the foof instead of a few games, food, bit of a boogie, cake and balloon home time.

illcryifiwantto · 10/07/2012 16:56

i went to my nieces party a few weeks ago i was dreading it ( roomful of 3 years olds ) however my sis had organised games for all of them finishing with the one ( can't think of the name ) where you hit the donkey with a mallet to get the sweets outs ( i won lol )

Flip

1 2 3 4 5