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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect more from a child's party?

116 replies

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 22:52

Today was the 3rd time that I've taken my DD (age 4) to a child's birthday party at a house and there are no games or organised activity, the kids are meant to just play together. I know I probably do sound ungrateful and unreasonable but 4 year olds take ages to get into stuff and need a bit of direction. Me and the other parents end up sitting around chatting to each other. That's all very nice and I'm not unsociable but am I the only one who thinks this is meant to be a children's birthday party, let's play some games - pass the parcel, musical bumps etc? Today's party was 3 hours long. For the first hour the kids tended to cling to their parents. Is this what is the norm now?

OP posts:
gastrognome · 09/07/2012 09:37

Just held a party for DD's 4th birthday and didn't organise any games at all. I invited parents to stay too. All the kids piled straight out into the garden and played on the slide and in the play tent. Then we had ice cream with sprinkles and then cake. Then they all ran around for another half hour and then everybody went home. There was a lovely atmosphere, no crying, no bored kids.
Next year I will organise a few games but I think that a bit of free play at a party isn't a bad thing.

bejeezus · 09/07/2012 10:40

I've just done dd1s birthday at home, 10 kids

I put a dvd on Shock and let them grind popcorn and lemonade into carpet/sofas etc

Then they spent 20 minutes or so, jumping off the top bunk

No one complained about lack of children's entertainer

I didn't even do party bags

AThingInYourLife · 09/07/2012 10:53

At DD1's 4th birthday this year I found that the organised games were mostly just the cause of someone getting upset.

The kids were happer being left the fuck alone to get on with things.

Highlight of the party was my Dad hiding chocolate coins around the garden and everyone searching for "treasure". This was totally unplanned, I don't even know where he got the coins.

DD1 has already booked him to do the same again when she's 5 :o

AThingInYourLife · 09/07/2012 10:55

No party bags here either, bejeezus :)

pigletmania · 09/07/2012 10:57

Yabvvvvu, the party is not for you! If the children enjoyed it so what! Not all kids like party games, at that age they tend to just like. Running about with each othet

groovejet · 09/07/2012 11:00

When dd1 had a party at home we did have games planned but they were happier when they were doing their own thing, mainly running around and redecorating outside with pavement chalk.

Her friend had a party at home and I am fairly sure they didn't do games either, but they did have snow and took turns being pulled on a sled in the garden, she said it was the best party ever.

VolAuVent · 09/07/2012 11:24

Always used to be that party games were for parties, and there was lots of free play throughout the rest of the year. Making the party special and different.

ByTheWay1 · 09/07/2012 11:24

3 HOURS OMG - we had 90 min parties and 30 min of that was food!

pigletmania · 09/07/2012 11:29

The main think is that the kids enjoy it, isent it not. My dd has ASD and hates party games, she would rather a party tat she was free to do her own thing than if I organised games

bejeezus · 09/07/2012 11:29

They are the work of the devil athing. They cost a small fortune to put together and no-one wants the crap that is in them....particularly the parents....MORE small bits of plastic to shovel around the house? No thanks

In fact, I'm off to start a party bag thread! Maybe, we can see the end of party bags within our lifetime? or at least make sure our adult children and future generations will not have to suffer as we have....

ByTheWay1 · 09/07/2012 11:51

Nooooooooooooo - part bag = 1 lollipop, piece of cake and craft thing that they make at party.... no plastic tat, no one-upmanship..... best way to go..

fortifiedwithtea · 09/07/2012 12:02

OP YANBU is sounds so crap as not be a party at all. More of a glorified coffee morning ok afternoon for the parents.

Parents should feck off and party no longer than 2 hours for 4 year olds. Plan more games than you need. Ditch instantly any games that bomb. Keep going with popular games but leave tham wanting more [more]. Hit the ground running with a game that can be joined in as guests arrive eg hunt the thimble, birthday bingo (good ice breaker).

My home parties are very good Grin. Seriously been thinking of writing a book for years.

fortifiedwithtea · 09/07/2012 12:04

[more] ? I meant a wicked Grin.

MsVestibule · 09/07/2012 12:06

No party bags????? How the hell did you get away with that?! They don't care what's in them (a piece of cake, sweets and maybe a very small toy) but every small child I know would be devastated not to get one! And no, they're not materialistic, just unfathomably excited by them.

And OP, no YANBU. When children come round for tea and a play, I just leave them to it. But a child's birthday party should have at least 2 or 3 party games. Fact. At my DS's 3rd birthday, I wish I'd videoed Pass The Parcel - it would have become a YouTube Sensation. I also needed a valium after it, but surely that's part of the fun Wink.

leddeeburdee · 09/07/2012 12:09

I'm with you OP. I agree that you don't need too many games for 4 year olds, but I would expect something. My 4 year old had a treasure hunt, biscuit decorating, etc. - nothing too organised and formal and no competitive 'games', but activities that made it more of a party than just a regular meet up.

I went to one without any activities or games recently - the food was mainly for the parents, olives, canapes, etc. and the children just needed to get on with it. Which is a right pain when you've got two cling-ons like mine who spent most of the time hanging on to me.

bejeezus · 09/07/2012 12:11

None of the kids seemed to notice mrs
I did give them a piece of cake to take home...maybe that was enough?

soverylucky · 09/07/2012 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bejeezus · 09/07/2012 12:14

Why do parents stay at parties?

MsVestibule · 09/07/2012 12:15

Hmm, you've redeemed yourself slightly, bejeezus. I was sitting here fretting that the poor bairns had left empty handed.

Rollmops · 09/07/2012 12:38

Nothing worse than organised children\s parties where every move is coreographed by some twitchy adult with high pitched voice. (shudders)
Having their every waking second micro managed strips the poor tots of one and terribly important ability that all children should have in spades - the imagination to PLAY.

Original poster
Emu38 · 09/07/2012 12:43

I stay with DD who's 4 at parties to keep her company - I've asked her if it's OK if I leave her and she really does not want me too. She's a little shy and takes a while to settle in. Saying that, she'd probably settle alot faster if I wasn't there. The other reason I stay is because I usually don't know the host apart from saying small talk at the nursery. I suppose this is being overprotective but I don't think it's unreasonable at 4. It's different with parents I know well and with going to someone's for a second time (DD plays at a friend's house without me regularly).
Thanks for all the replies above, I'm glad that a few people agree with me Smile

OP posts:
elizaregina · 09/07/2012 12:45

yabu,

its nice that every party is different and any party at all is a bonus in these hard times of finanical problems.

i have had an entertainer two years running but only because I am not used to other peoples children in large numbers, DH is shy and I didnt really konw what to do - it does take a little bit of confidence to start ordering children around into party games.
this year now i have much more experience i thikn i could handle it - but would also be happy to let the children play.

AThingInYourLife · 09/07/2012 12:53

bejeezus - I'll join that campaign.

Party bags are indeed the work of the devil.

mummahubba · 09/07/2012 12:57

YABU and a bit grumpy! What's wrong with kids being left to play together and make their own fun. No doubt there was a mountain of toys available and if children can't play together and use own initiative then maybe that tells us that we organise too much for them. Frankly I think people should just be happy to be invited to parties.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 09/07/2012 12:59

I dunno, Id happily pay someone if I didn't have to sing

£20 is money well spent!