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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect more from a child's party?

116 replies

Emu38 · 08/07/2012 22:52

Today was the 3rd time that I've taken my DD (age 4) to a child's birthday party at a house and there are no games or organised activity, the kids are meant to just play together. I know I probably do sound ungrateful and unreasonable but 4 year olds take ages to get into stuff and need a bit of direction. Me and the other parents end up sitting around chatting to each other. That's all very nice and I'm not unsociable but am I the only one who thinks this is meant to be a children's birthday party, let's play some games - pass the parcel, musical bumps etc? Today's party was 3 hours long. For the first hour the kids tended to cling to their parents. Is this what is the norm now?

OP posts:

differentnameforthis · 09/07/2012 14:12

My 4yr old isn't interested in organised games & would much rather have non organised play! I don't see an issue, tbh. Organising games & activities can be hard, especially when younger kids have the concentration span of a knat!

differentnameforthis · 09/07/2012 14:14

A children's party in our house involves musical bumps, musical statues, hunt the thimble, pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey, dancing competition, blind man's bluff and a piñata

Wow! Now that does NOT sound like fun to organise & run! Parties are not supposed to be hard for the parents!

Greythorne · 09/07/2012 18:31

Depends on what you consider fun! I love organising my kids birthday parties. They are highly structured affairs.....and they are legendary in our circle.

I get stopped in the playground by mums who say, "I don't know what you did but little johnny has not stopped talking about your DD's party!"

ReshapeWhileDamp · 09/07/2012 18:40

Blimey, for my 3 and then 4 yo's birthday parties (and those of almost all of his friends), all we did was let them loose on the toys/garden! Trying to get 3 yos to play party games is like herding cats. 4 yos not much better IMO. Here's a thought - perhaps the party was at the request of the birthday girl or boy, who wanted to play with their mates and not have a possibly 'scary' entertainer or games that nobody understands at 3/4?

I wouldn't sweat it, OP. 3 hours is too long though, particularly if there's nothing structured planned.

Montypig · 09/07/2012 18:44

oops - was it our party last weekend ?

3 hours, no organised games - we do have a swimming pond which all the children got into in the freezing cold , there was also "throw the apple for the pig" if that helps ????

Seemed ok at the time...... no - one actually came down with pneumonia, which I consider to be a roaring success.....

Sloobreeus · 09/07/2012 18:46

DD's 4th birthday party (long time ago now) was at home. I planned all sorts of games etc in the house. We started and after the first game one boy asked if they could play in the garden. Every child shouted his/her agreement. I have photos of that party - they were on the climbing frame, playing football, just chasing around. They all loved it and DD's older brother and sister (then 9 and 10) joined in. I didn't make up party bags - each child received one little gift. It's just about happy children...

notcitrus · 09/07/2012 18:47

Best 4yo parties I've been to have had pass the parcel and either a 'treasure hunt' (find wrapped sweets in the garden) or musical bumps, plus food and general running amok and playing with all visible toys.

The worst would have been my own 4th birthday - my friends and I had a great time but my parents are still traumatised. Bless them, they thought after tea the children would sit down nicely and play pencil and paper games. Yes, ones where everyone has to write lists down. Four year olds...

ariadne1 · 09/07/2012 19:02

I have had parties like that for my 4 children at about that age .they arriv fly upstairs and you hear a herd of elephants gallivanting round and they have a whale of a time.I think organised things for 4 yr olds is hard work.Around this way parents don't stay for parties once kids are potty trained.I think that's the problem here.Parents hovering!

Original poster

Emu38 · 09/07/2012 19:07

Montypig, no this party was this weekend just gone and didn't include any ponds or pigs!!

OP posts:

pumpkinsweetie · 09/07/2012 19:28

I had a party for my eldest when she was 4, i had organised many games: pin the tail on the donkey, pass the parcel, balloon jump, musical statues & chairs and i organised a huge buffet including all the usual tasty party grub, a trifle and a huge cake and put lucky bags out etc......Kids were not at all interested and the all dissapeared off upstairs like a herd of elephants all 20 of them to play with the toys!!!
Not many of them ate the food either as they told me they were not allowed jelly/crisps/chocolate/cake because of colourants and additives!
I wasted my time and it cost me a fair bit to organize too, hence the reason dd2, dd3 & dd4 only have days out or tea partys for their bdays.
Yabu these parents are obviously clued up on what kids like, wish i was at the time.
As long as your child has a good time, why does it matter?

Montypig · 09/07/2012 19:32

Ahhh Emu - thats the problem then !! :0

fivegomadindorset · 09/07/2012 19:33

montypig are you me, we have recently had DS's 4th birthday party which involved feeding the pigs, paddling in the swimming pond and playing on climbing frame and trampoline, party meant to end at 4, last parent left at 6pm after a 4pm finish.

CockyPants · 09/07/2012 19:33

Not even a few party games?!
Yes, worra, I remember those parties too. They usually descended in to sulks and fights over who was going to play with what.
Games may be organised fun, but at least it keeps the kids occupied.
Just done a stupidly expensive build a bear party, for DD 6th bday. Resulted in a fight over a hong kong phooey dog, 2 knocked out front teeth, whining and one spoilt little shit throwing her bear at me. Not forgetting all the parents ignoring me, even though I'd paid out a shitload to entertain their little darlings.
NEVER AGAIN!

fivegomadindorset · 09/07/2012 19:34

But they also had to battle through the sheep.

AdventuresWithVoles · 09/07/2012 19:34

I did a half-organised party for DS. I loved it, and more importantly so did the 4yos. I suppose there were 3 organised games plus cake & party bags; I forgot to get the balloons out.

GetDownNesbitt · 09/07/2012 19:53

Bouncy castle, face painter, pass the parcel, food and a treasure hunt.

Seemed to work for a dozen 5 year olds.

MarysBeard · 09/07/2012 19:56

THREE hours - are you quite mad?

I did that for my daughter's 3rd birthday but only before I realised the standard length is 2, or even 1.5 hours.

TheSpokenNerd · 09/07/2012 20:04

Monty I read that as "Throw the apple AT the pig!"

I was tihinking that was what you considered good fun!

GlassofRose · 09/07/2012 20:04

Today was the 3rd time that I've taken my DD (age 4) to a child's birthday party at a house

A party at a house for a 4 year old sounds bloody marvelous!

Everyone seems to be throwing birthday bashes in community centres, halls with lots of age inappropriate games etc now days!

My friend threw a Safari themed party in a hall for her one year old. Hired a bouncy castle, filled the hall with animal balloons and asked that all child guests were dressed as animals. Each child left with a goody bag with a personalised keyring and stickers... waste of money!

Parties for 4 year olds need a bit of jelly / cake perhaps some music and sod all else really :)

TheSpokenNerd · 09/07/2012 20:07

pumpkin I'm the same! My DD has had a fair few bashes now...and she turns 8 this year so we're having a family day out and a tea party with her Gran and her uncle! That'll do her! She's happy with that.

Younger DD will get a big class party next year when she turns 5, just like her sister had...after that it will be small affairs with only a couple of friends...or a family do.

Montypig · 09/07/2012 21:22

Thespoken - weeeelll they were 4 year olds, so "for" and "at" were perhaps a little interchangeable........

Fivegomad - spooky, I think I must be you....exactly the same party - we had chase the chickens too ......

DozyDuck · 09/07/2012 21:30

I tried with the organised party lark for a bit. This year DS (ASD) had all his other ASD 'friends' (children he knows) round and I opened all the rooms in the house. Sensory room, toy room, kitchen (food room) garden ( with trampoline, zorb balls and climbing frame) and had party games in the living room. One spent the party on the trampoline, one in the ball, one in the sensory room, one clinging to his mum, one playing pin the tail on the donkey by herself and winning all the prizes and DS in the bath (where he blew out his candle)

Totally different but all coped with a full party for the first time ever

Sometimes a relaxed attitude is key!

fivegomadindorset · 09/07/2012 21:34

Yep - that too

RhinestoneCowgirl · 09/07/2012 21:41

3 hrs is a bit long I agree (would say 2 hrs tops) but I have done parties without organised games for that age group. Poss a round of pass the parcel for 4 yr olds, but even then I've seen it come to blows...

My youngest will be 4 at Christmas and we will prob go down the tea party at home route with some toys out. Maybe some music so they can have a bit of a bop.

Original poster

Emu38 · 09/07/2012 21:45

Glassofrose I'm not against parties at houses, absolutely not. It was just the fact that it was 3 hours long with no party games. Yes, fine to let the 4 year olds play together but maybe after a few games to get them going abit. It is a party afterall and doesn't have to be regimented or expensive.

OP posts:

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