in being sceptical of well intended advice to allow children to get bored so they learn how to entertain themselves?

[hmc]

I just don't think it works for all children. Personalities differ.

My 8 year old ds has this weekend been to ten pin bowling yesterday a.m. followed by lunch out, home for a couple of hours then to a quasar birthday party on Saturday afternoon. This morning he was left to his own devices but attended another birthday party this afternoon. Despite this, in the past hour he has been complaining bitterly that he has nothing to do and is horribly bored - he got really quite upset about it.

9 year old dd has had a similar but slightly quieter weekend (no birthday parties to attend but she did have a friend over to play for a couple of hours today) and she is blissfully content.

I just think that ds needs structure and a whole day of free time is like a manacle weighing heavily around his neck. I am dreading the school holidays and thinking the only way to cope is to structure his day for him - e.g.:

9 - 10.00: written project work as specified by me - might be a creative piece of writing or something similar
10 - 10.45: free time
10.45 - 11.15: p.e. (I will give them some structured exercise like sprint training against a stop watch)
11.15 -12: free Time
12.00: dc to make their own sandwich lunch
13.00: we play a board game / card game
Etc etc
I.e. I will almost give him a mini school day (he likes school)

The advantage is he will love it ....disadvantage - bit labour intensive for me...

So, am I creating a rod for my own back or should I just tough it out and hope he transforms swan like into a laid back creative child who is capable of endlessly entertaining himself. Are children these days over stimulated and I am feeding this? ....or is it a load of baloney that bored children will eventually prosper in self sufficiency?

Thanks - there might be something in that EnthusiasticTroll

When he says he is bored give him a carrier bag and tell him to fill it with the toys/ games he no longer wants to play with to give to the hospital/ charity/ poor children etc. Tell him not to come back until it is full....

I wonder what he'd find absorbing to do and would interest him.

Something time-consuming to make - airfix model?
Learning to cook something?
Figuring out how to play the guitar/keyboard?
Write clues for a treasure hunt that you can all follow later?
Remote-control helicopter?

Garlic i think you have a point

If say, like me, you spent a Sabbath at Grans, where not even the radio let alone the tv could be switched on you learnt to find entertainment for yourself
Even a walk at sunset to look for stars became exciting

When my kids say "I'm bored." I reply by saying. "Lucky you! Boredom is such a luxury. I wish I had time to get bored. Would you like me to give you some chores?"

That usually shuts them up.

I think that some posts have been a bit unfair.

OP, i would have a brainstorm with him and provide some tools, then leave him to it.

Some ideas:

Library - as well as reading books some project books too and 1-2 cookery books

Internet

Cooking/gardening project

Read the local papers/maybe write something for your area or town/write a letter to MP

De-clutter and sell on e-bay

Take some photos in the park and decorate his room

Contact relatives/cousins/write letters to elderly relatives

Make some some presents (even for christmas)

A project involving languages?

And of course helping around the house and plenty physical activity.

Maybe he said that about his life because a friendship doesn't go well or something?

I think after the regimented nature of school they ARE bored for a few days. And then kids get into the rhythm of being at home. You may be preventing that if you go for a very regimented structure for him. I think they have to go through the bored bit to find how to entertain themselves again. Was he always bored before starting school? Or did he potter around?

Rats, that must have been deadly! Even 20 mins of forced inactivity feels like a punishment to a child ... a full day every week? Argh!

HMC you sound like a thoughtful caring mum and I think your revised approach sounds like a great plan.

I think a handful of the posts have been particularly harsh- more in the choice of words than their actual message IYSWIM. To your credit you have responded gracefully.

I do think that some children find amusing themselves more tricky than others, and some gain reassurance from having at least a rough structure to their day.

I consider myself a relaxed person but I function much better when I structure my day a little.

Good luck with your revised strategy, I would be really interested to hear how it goes.

Thanks for those kind words wantto

Maybe it's because I have 2 of the same gender but mine entertain each other. I'm a single parent and I have to work more or less full time over the holidays because I have a change of role at school next term. I'm not worried about my girls (9 and 5) though, I really think they could play all day every day without a problem.

Not sure if any of these games would work for a girl boy pairing but some of the weirder things my children did last holidays were:

• holding a barbie doll olympics which included swimming in the sink (mess!), being thrown out the upstairs window wrapped in a flannel to see who would hit the ground first and being thrown from one end of the garden to the other ('long jump')
• making an army of paper dolls, organising them into a school and playing teachers all day, including writing all the work for them on tiny bits of paper in different handwriting and with varying standards of success.
• setting up a roller skate assault course in the garden
• playing some massively long and confusing (to me!) family game with their dolls.
• rehearsing a 2 woman musical 'written' by my 9 year old *trying (and failing) to build a swing in the woods. I should probably find the time to help them ...
• a bug hunt (yeugh!)

Then there's all the more ordinary ideas like going out on bikes, reading, music practice, tennis, generally messing about outside, colouring/drawing, dressing up, playing catch/football, watching tv/films.

Loads of stuff. Maybe a timetable would help him, you know your son best.

Get him a dog!

I can't believe some of the responses from adults that they never get bored themselves because they have housework to do. Housework can bore me to tears if I'm in the wrong mood!

Serin - we have two dogs

garlic it wasn't every week
and we'd walk to her place of worship
and her food was lovely, different to what we'd eat at home
and the neighbours would come in to blether and gossip

though my parents were agnostic they felt grans house grans rules, must have felt I should make my own choices re religion
but sitting there in the balcony seemed an AGE!

Then the walks at sunset to watch the stars rising, who could spot the first three... not easy in a city but there was a big big park nearby

so it was win some loose some

But I do feel sometimes due to multi tv channels, internet even dvds my kids grew used to instant entertainment
It was there all the time
they had no patience
so it was important to take them out and sit and watch a rock pool, wait for a sunset, listen for crickets, watch clouds, learn to look up to spot bats

You are joking with the holiday schedule right?? Please say you are as even by mumsnet nuttiness this takes the mick?

Er hes 9,,, play in park with mates and mobile to keep in touch.

I spent 11 years listening to a petulant boring highly strung spoilt pathetic 50 year old mummies boy who could never be comfortable in his own company or under any circumstances where he was not being pandered to by entertainment being repeatedly put directly in his face,from the moment he woke up he had to be managed and entertained till the moment he fell asleep.it was bloody exhusting and he was a self absorbed twat the most commen sentance that came out of his mouth was "I'm bored"
strangely enough his mother tended to micro-manage his days when he was younger and constantly bombarded him with stimulation.

Do yourself and your son and his future wife a huge favor either teach him to read and enjoy books or buy him some toys suitable for solitary play

My Dad is rubbish at enjoying his own company, he also doesn't really enjoy the typical passtimes of people who are good at amusing themselves (e.g. reading, puzzles, gardening, pottering).

However, he was subject to days upon days of benign neglect type parenting as a child. So it doesn't always create self-starter and self sufficient type personalities and coping strategies.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, I don't think lots of structured activities is great, as others have said children do need to work out how to entertain themselves. But could you sit down with DS at the beginning of the holiday/each week/even each day and come up with a list of things he might enjoy (or indeed that you want him to do) and whenever the "I'm booooorrreed" starts you can whip out the list and he can choose something. No need to be bored when there are things to do!

What about writing down all the things he likes to do on cards and put them in a box. Then when he is bored, he can take out a card and do what is on it. That way it isn't structured but he has a bank of activities to do.

There are some good ideas amongst the posts. As a child there was no structure, friends came round, we played in the garden, built dens, had picnics, played in the car par at the bottom of the garden,played football, played cowboys and Indians, soldiers etc, not an adult around to 'supervise'.....Roll on the time machine to my own DC, we lived in a remote village, dc's friends lived miles away, 3 dc, the younger 2 would play but the eldest struggled with 'play' So it was bikes/balls/nerf to the nearest park(5 miles away). Occasional days out to the beach. We didn't have a computer then, we did go the the nearest library regularly as they did lots of free activities. Every morning he would as 'what are we doing today?' Being poor too made the answer 'get a book!' He survived! still reads lots though I wish I had mn then for ideas!