in being sceptical of well intended advice to allow children to get bored so they learn how to entertain themselves?

[hmc]

I just don't think it works for all children. Personalities differ.

My 8 year old ds has this weekend been to ten pin bowling yesterday a.m. followed by lunch out, home for a couple of hours then to a quasar birthday party on Saturday afternoon. This morning he was left to his own devices but attended another birthday party this afternoon. Despite this, in the past hour he has been complaining bitterly that he has nothing to do and is horribly bored - he got really quite upset about it.

9 year old dd has had a similar but slightly quieter weekend (no birthday parties to attend but she did have a friend over to play for a couple of hours today) and she is blissfully content.

I just think that ds needs structure and a whole day of free time is like a manacle weighing heavily around his neck. I am dreading the school holidays and thinking the only way to cope is to structure his day for him - e.g.:

9 - 10.00: written project work as specified by me - might be a creative piece of writing or something similar
10 - 10.45: free time
10.45 - 11.15: p.e. (I will give them some structured exercise like sprint training against a stop watch)
11.15 -12: free Time
12.00: dc to make their own sandwich lunch
13.00: we play a board game / card game
Etc etc
I.e. I will almost give him a mini school day (he likes school)

The advantage is he will love it ....disadvantage - bit labour intensive for me...

So, am I creating a rod for my own back or should I just tough it out and hope he transforms swan like into a laid back creative child who is capable of endlessly entertaining himself. Are children these days over stimulated and I am feeding this? ....or is it a load of baloney that bored children will eventually prosper in self sufficiency?

I think you are right but i would most definatly remove the bored in your last post and just say cheesed off, because that is what he is, he can not possibly be bored. He is assigning a word to an emotion/feeling wrongly.

I wonder what he's like in class...

I think it's a really good skill for life to be able to enjoy your own company and find ways to entertain yourself rather than be entertained, i.e. not depend on TV, video games, etc. I know people of all ages up to nearly 80 - some of them can't handle being left to their own devices and others who don't seem to have time in the day to do all the things they want to.

The author of Simplicity Parenting makes a good case for why less is more in terms of stimulation and for preventing behavioural problems in kids, and more usefully, how to make it happen. For example which toys and materials will allow them to use their creativity and imagination. I can only speak from my own experience as a young child and what we hope to do with our child but, for example, a box of assorted lego pieces entertained me for longer than a lego set that was intended to build a specific thing. Also, my parents were tolerant of mess inside and outside the house when we were amusing ourselves. I think that helps.

Rockpool - we didn't lay on quasar, that was the birthday party he attended in the afternoon. Yes we went bowling in the morning - but that's because I wanted to go! (it was a wet miserable day and I just knew I would spend it doing mind numbing chores all day and lamenting the weather otherwise). Blimey -tis not a crime, and I repeat, this is not a typical weekend for the dc

I do think you should encourage children to amuse themselves, they can't be occupied at all times. It is odd they are bored playing with their own toys and I completely agree - the more you do with them the more easily they get bored.

That said, children are all different and can cope with different amounts of free time/amusing themselves. Just let him have small times on his own, he should be able to play with toys/games/books without getting bored too quickly.

FallenC - since you ask, his teacher has no complaints and rather likes him

Here's the link to Simplicity Parenting www.simplicityparenting.com/
Good luck with the summer holidays. I think it's lovely that you're prepared to put so much effort into his holidays but I also hope you can find another way!

I obviously have a lot to learn. When my 4yo tells me she doesn't know what she can do (she means she's bored) she gets a "tough, there's a room full of toys in there, go play with them" and off she potters.

They need to learn to motivate themselves and not have everything handed to them. Being bored is an opportunity to use your head and generate your own activity, surely?

at the school I work at the kids go away for a week's residential this time of year. It's at a facility the school own, so not PGL or anything. They go out every day to do activities / visits etc but we usually return at least a two hours before dinner as we have to cook it and they are given specific instructions to amuse themselves. Some sit and read, nick the teacher' newspaper and do the crossword, play cards etc. Some run around like loons, play football, have a waterfight, climb trees, roam the woods etc. If any of them ask for direction as to what to do, we don't tell them - the whole point is that they figure it out for themselves. As others have said, provided he has some basic options available, let him solve the problem himself - I especially like the suggestion of offering him chores to do as an alternative

121 - yes I really like the organising his own timetable plan.

Freelance - will admit that i am not that tolerant of mess. Perhaps that does close down some options for him.....

Thanks for the website recommendation Freelance

Is it mainly boys who are like this? I have seen a few posts in this thread that have said that DS's are like this and DD's entertain themselves. My DS is 4 and he constantly pesters me, DH or any other adult to "play with him" or do something with him and gets arsey when we don't/can't. I really hope he grows out of it and starts learning to entertain himself. Is this normal for a 4 year old? Sorry to hijack the thread.

all the ones I was thinking of were actually girls!

His teacher's words (although not verbatim) in parents evenings and written reports - e.g he concentrates well, has a positive attitude, helpful, team worker etc. I realise a few of you would like to see him as some self absorbed stroppy little nightmare - sorry to disappoint you that this is not the case. Although earlier this evening was not his finest hour

Often when my three DS have had a really exciting day/couple of days out they will complain of being bored afterwards. They are given short shift and told to get on with it.

Last summer they had a 2 months screen ban (not a punishment but because they where waiting between time on the computer rather than getting on and doing something). Within a couple of days they were doing all sorts of cool stuff they came up with, one of them invented a new board game, one got busy with the video camera he had got for Christmas and made films with his rubbers(!) the little one made loads of duplo houses etc.

People don't want to be bored, well not often, but everyone needs to learn how to amuse themselves, it doesn't matter how clever they are. In fact (SN appart) anyone who can't amuse themselves can't be that clever.

OP you are creating a rod for your back in my opinion. Good luck

My 8yo DD sometimes complains of being bored - in her case it usually follows a dizzying round of activities like swimming, parties etc , and means that she's actually tired and doesn't want to summon up the energy to entertain herself with books, toys, craft etc.

I am going to copy 121's idea about children drawing up their own timetable each day - that is genius!

'His teacher's words (although not verbatim) in parents evenings and written reports - e.g he concentrates well, has a positive attitude, helpful, team worker etc.'

So he can manage in school, including sustained independent work. He will cope with finding his own things to do if he has the equipment and materials and the freedom.
Do you intend to devote the entire holidays to him? Do you work outside the home? Would you like help with the housework and cooking?

I realise others have said the same thing and offered resources: some children have to be taught how to figure it out. My (very well hidden) opinion is that those are children with little imagination. That's not a problem, though, they need to be given a structured approach to boredom, something like "What would I enjoy now? Is that available? If not, can I approximate it? What else is available?" Also getting in the habit of providing for their own needs - somebody mentioned crosswords & sudoku before; I've had a book or a crossword about my person since the age of 4. Well, not any more, as my phone does that stuff, but ykwim!

I meant to add, their chosen distractions don't have to be sitting-quietly things or a DS. Kids often take their skateboard, football, bucket & spade, whatever, around with them. For the holidays, how about giving him a camera?

Im thinking from what you have now posted since you opining post that this is not really a regualr occurance Op?

if it is not a regular occurance and he manages at school then he has no problems entertaining himself, but this evening he had a bit of a melt down for another reason? probably a relativly nowmal reaction to what he was feeling and his age. But I think what he needs is to be encouraged to express himself and seek solutions to problems he can take charge of in a reasonable manner regardless of what it is. I think you are confusing what happened this evening with boredom as that was his excuse for it.

Often children do this, my dd does this all the time. I aske her what is wrong, she gives some non descript fob off and I get her to sit and talk to me...What is really the problem, what can you do sort it out, how can you be handeling this better. After a talk and reminder she is a big girl who is able to articualte her problems better than, cry stamp and complain, there is always a better option than having a crying temper tantrum.

He isnt spoilt if he generally does not behave like this he just needs some pointers of how to handle him self better.

Well - I've gained a lot from this thread (discounting a tiny handful of posts). I agree that what I was proposing in my op- the highly structured approach - is not the answer. However neither is benign neglect for my ds. Instead I am going to follow the many suggestions (too many to acknowledge all but I've read them all) of being a facilitator of his entertainment rather than a provider - i.e. encourage and support him in taking personal responsibility for his own free time ...the 'boredom box', the daily loose plan of things to(devised by him but with suggestions from me if he draws a blank), a few set 'chores' each day etc....

Thanks for all the suggestions

I was going to suugest what a couple of others have - sit down with him the night before/that morning when you are having a day at home and go through with him some options for things he might do. Make him responsible for organising his own time, but it doesn't chuck him into the deep end straight away.
But I would also add to that, maybe set up a long term project (discussed fully with him beforehand so he feels properly part of it and wants to do it). So buy a box of magic tricks and a book from Amazon, or a book on simple science experiments, or an extensive construction project (mecano or something) and have it as something he can go back to repeatedly over the holiday.
And then if he complains he's bored, you can point out that a) he organised his own time so it's nothing to do with you b) there's the magic set and you were expecting to see a show at the end of the week/month/holiday c) there's always the hoovering to be done....

He does need to learn how to occupy himself but if he's not done it before or been very good at it, he may need help, just like he needed help with other life skills.