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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in being sceptical of well intended advice to allow children to get bored so they learn how to entertain themselves?

132 replies

hmc · 08/07/2012 20:17

I just don't think it works for all children. Personalities differ.

My 8 year old ds has this weekend been to ten pin bowling yesterday a.m. followed by lunch out, home for a couple of hours then to a quasar birthday party on Saturday afternoon. This morning he was left to his own devices but attended another birthday party this afternoon. Despite this, in the past hour he has been complaining bitterly that he has nothing to do and is horribly bored - he got really quite upset about it.

9 year old dd has had a similar but slightly quieter weekend (no birthday parties to attend but she did have a friend over to play for a couple of hours today) and she is blissfully content.

I just think that ds needs structure and a whole day of free time is like a manacle weighing heavily around his neck. I am dreading the school holidays and thinking the only way to cope is to structure his day for him - e.g.:

9 - 10.00: written project work as specified by me - might be a creative piece of writing or something similar
10 - 10.45: free time
10.45 - 11.15: p.e. (I will give them some structured exercise like sprint training against a stop watch)
11.15 -12: free Time
12.00: dc to make their own sandwich lunch
13.00: we play a board game / card game
Etc etc
I.e. I will almost give him a mini school day (he likes school)

The advantage is he will love it ....disadvantage - bit labour intensive for me...

So, am I creating a rod for my own back or should I just tough it out and hope he transforms swan like into a laid back creative child who is capable of endlessly entertaining himself. Are children these days over stimulated and I am feeding this? ....or is it a load of baloney that bored children will eventually prosper in self sufficiency?

OP posts:
tryingtonotfeckup · 08/07/2012 20:18

Get them both doing some work around the house / garden, they learn to work as part of a team and you get to put your feet up. Win win.

parakeet · 08/07/2012 20:19

Can't he just play out?

30smum · 08/07/2012 20:22

That looks like hard work for all of you.

Can you ask him what he'd like to do?

Doing gardening/house work together may help.

My DS complains of boredom at lot too, so I do know where you're coming from.

squeakytoy · 08/07/2012 20:22

do they not have friends?

school holidays are not meant for you to turn into a home educating expert, they are meant for kids to play, socialise with peers, and be children...

MorrisZapp · 08/07/2012 20:23

Just let him be bored. Nobody ever died of boredom.

As long as he has things to play with, books to read, telly to watch just leave him to it as much as you can.

Original poster
hmc · 08/07/2012 20:23

Parakeet - I do try and encourage that and some children are contented with that for hours - but not ds

OP posts:
LeeCoakley · 08/07/2012 20:23

You're mad. But you know that. Grin Arrange stuff for alternate days, outings or friends over, but give him plenty of warning that he needs to plan his own downtime. And you don't want to hear 'I'm bored'.

KatherineKavanagh · 08/07/2012 20:24

So what did he eventually do today when he was whining he was bored?

Original poster
hmc · 08/07/2012 20:25

Squeaky toy - yes and I will have their friends over as much as possible but that won't be every day. Friends will be on holiday etc a lot of the time

OP posts:
Original poster
hmc · 08/07/2012 20:27

KK - he looked glum, cried a bit, complained like a drama queen that his life was rubbish (and I felt a bit of a failure).

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 08/07/2012 20:28

Yabu

It works.
The point is not that they stop complaining straight away. The point is that you just don't give a shit and then after a day or two,they find ways to entertain themselves.

If you start thinking 'oh but by virtue of his particilar personality he will be bored' then you will be responsible for his entertainment.

The problem is that you see his being bored as your problem to solve. I don't.

And fwiw it isn't advice. I don't care what anyone else does. I just pass on what has worked for me. Do what works for you.

LindyHemming · 08/07/2012 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SummerRain · 08/07/2012 20:29

Ridiculous, surely he has books, consoles, tv and friends? No reason to ne bored ans certainly unwise to pander to him.

What's he going to do at uno or in full time work if you've been scheduling his days for years.... Let him learn to occupy himself. If he whines of being bored, give him chores, he'll soon stop whining or else you'll gave a showhome and garden... Win/win!

Original poster
hmc · 08/07/2012 20:29

I like the suggestions of giving him a few jobs to do around the house and garden

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 08/07/2012 20:30

He is only bored because you are concerned about his boredom cut back a bit he is or will be on holiday there is no need to micromanage his day like that not everyday anyway kids do need occupied but let up let them be bored he wont die of boredom, unless he is going to trash the house because of boredom ,

SoupDragon · 08/07/2012 20:31

Children who need that level of structure (with no underlying SNs) need to learn how to make their own entertainment. Of course he is bored if he is used to having his daily entertainment presented on a plate.

cantspel · 08/07/2012 20:32

why was he complaining he was bored? Does he not have toys to play with, lego ect, books to read and a games console?

He has to learn that the world doesn't centre around him and be able to organise himself and his downtime without you entertaining him.

Organise some activities for the school holidays but you need some days where nothing is planned and you have a quite day at home.

Rockpool · 08/07/2012 20:32

My son is like yours but I really think they need to develop skills of amusing themselves to be honest.I don't believe in going as far as the benign neglect thing as I think crushing boredom can make you miserable but a balance can be struck.

Not being rude but your son does sound a little spoilt-Quasar,lunch out and 2 parties(no wonder he's moaning when left to amuse himself at home).

In the holidays I'll take my dc out probably 2 or 3 times a week to free things(beach,woods etc) and things we have a pass to (NT,zoo)maybe once a week.I'll then be kicking them out on their bikes and have set up a boredom jar for bored boy(a jar with activities he likes/forces himself to do when bored).Things he's put in are Sudoku booksHmm,word searches,reading,piano practise(yes really),new activity books,Lego at a push,listening to Ipod,letter writing etc.I'll let them have ds time 2 or 3 times in a week.

I will be at near screaming point with him by the end but I really think to some degree he has to do it himself.The other 2 will totally sort themselves out with toys etc.They don't get bored.

I do hear you though as said son has never played with toys and it was hell before he learnt to read which he thankfully did quite young.I agree kids do differ and it is harder to deal with some.Many who don't have kids like this have no idea.My dad was/is the same.He's never done beach holidays or played with toys as a child.

Tortu · 08/07/2012 20:33

I blame the education system. Really. And that's speaking as a teacher.

I kill myself desperately trying to make my lessons as interesting as possible for my students and go away depressed if they haven't been fully engaged for every single moment of the lesson.

I have recently decided that this is actually very bad preparation for life. Children do expect these days to be constantly entertained, which is an unrealistic outlook on life. I consider one of the most significant life skills that I learnt from school was how to look as though I'm listening and interested when I'm not.

FallenCaryatid · 08/07/2012 20:33

I used what my mother always did.
I'm bored
There's washing up to do. Or you could hoover. Or the vegetable bed needs weeding or...Smile
Oddly enough, neither of mine have ever been bored, although some of the things they have chosen to spend time doing have seemed boring to me.

Mrsjay · 08/07/2012 20:33

I have just read his timetable are you going to be doing that for 6 weeks Hmm

Original poster
hmc · 08/07/2012 20:34

I must admit I remember being chronically bored (and unhappy) as a child during the holidays and looking forward to returning to school - hence I do sort of see where he is coming from. I've never felt bored as an adult (except when on holiday) since I always have so many tasks I have to do before I can sit down and relax

OP posts:
SpringHeeledJack · 08/07/2012 20:34

I find that the more different activities mine have to do in a day, the more they complain that they're boooooored in the breaks in between

we tend to alternate in the hols- ie two days of Frantic Activity, then a day of lying around in jim jams

this works for us (usually)- if it were two jim jam days rather than one, they'd fight. Incessantly.

BartletForAmerica · 08/07/2012 20:34

I wouldn't structure things so tightly. What about him deciding a morning activity and an afternoon activity (obviously checking with you)? So one day, he might ask to bake with you part of the morning and then do, say, science experiments from a book in the afternoon?

Mrsjay · 08/07/2012 20:35

If you want him occupied get him to organise himself for a day ask him what he is going to be doing tomorrow or whenever get him to think about it rather than you doing it,