in being sceptical of well intended advice to allow children to get bored so they learn how to entertain themselves?

[hmc]

I just don't think it works for all children. Personalities differ.

My 8 year old ds has this weekend been to ten pin bowling yesterday a.m. followed by lunch out, home for a couple of hours then to a quasar birthday party on Saturday afternoon. This morning he was left to his own devices but attended another birthday party this afternoon. Despite this, in the past hour he has been complaining bitterly that he has nothing to do and is horribly bored - he got really quite upset about it.

9 year old dd has had a similar but slightly quieter weekend (no birthday parties to attend but she did have a friend over to play for a couple of hours today) and she is blissfully content.

I just think that ds needs structure and a whole day of free time is like a manacle weighing heavily around his neck. I am dreading the school holidays and thinking the only way to cope is to structure his day for him - e.g.:

9 - 10.00: written project work as specified by me - might be a creative piece of writing or something similar
10 - 10.45: free time
10.45 - 11.15: p.e. (I will give them some structured exercise like sprint training against a stop watch)
11.15 -12: free Time
12.00: dc to make their own sandwich lunch
13.00: we play a board game / card game
Etc etc
I.e. I will almost give him a mini school day (he likes school)

The advantage is he will love it ....disadvantage - bit labour intensive for me...

So, am I creating a rod for my own back or should I just tough it out and hope he transforms swan like into a laid back creative child who is capable of endlessly entertaining himself. Are children these days over stimulated and I am feeding this? ....or is it a load of baloney that bored children will eventually prosper in self sufficiency?

Two parties in the one weekend and he complains that his life is rubbish?

He's spoilt, and you're indulging him further by taking this nonsense seriously.

I think you disproved your point in your OP. Your DS had a stimulating weekend and complained of boredom as soon as the entertainment stopped but your DD had less entertainment and made no complaint. So, could it be that too much structure/stimulation means that children don't learn how to entertain themselves?

I remember being bored as a child, I was also a bit of a bookworm, still am.

Your post reminds me of those people that feed their children on junk food and then say they have to because the child will mither them or not eat anything else.
Tortu, I introduced my Y3 class to something very exciting and grown up.
SSR. Sustained Silent Reading. Bit of gentle background music and 10 minutes a day. They loved it.

I know someone whose child is never allowed to be bored.

Every weekend is a fully structured entertainment programme, from ballet, horseriding, dance, parties, to theme parks, and meals out. Every. single. weekend.

Inset days mean a trip to Legoland, or Thorpe Park.

School holidays, are another daily whirlwind of activity.. every. single. day.

And this 7yo is one of the most spoilt, pampered and indulged children I have ever met. I have watched her amongst her friends and all she does is tell them where she has been and what she has done, and lords it over them.

the least charming kids I know are never allowed to be bored

Bloody hell that sounds like hard work, mind you i am of the school of thinking that you should let them be bored.

Being bored provides the space to think and be creative, or just be a tedious pain in the arse.

Seriously though, do you not think that if no-one had ever been bored we would have no poets, philosophers etc, ?

Madness.

I assume he has a house full of Lego or something similar, paper, art supplies, books, a bike, a garden, clearly a sibling - plenty much there to be getting on with. Interspersed with the odd trip out swimming, cinema, bowling, local museums and friends. Some chores to earn cash - hoovering, weeding dishwasher emptying. Nothing wrong with a bit telly. Some PC action to find out about 'something. Any pets that need looked after?

But also he needs to learn how to mooch about a bit and aye be bored sometimes. All mine declare chronic boredom on occasion, at which point some deadly dull (room cleaning, dusting, stair hoovering, hamster cage cleaning) is offered up as entertainment. They soon learn .

IMO you will not be doing him any favours scheduling his day for him.

they're also the least enjoyable families to be around because you can't chat to the parents as they're always up in their kids faces about what they are doing/going to do next

I do think their are differrent personality - but as with my oldest Ds - who seems very much like yours - I think it is more important rather than less important that he (gradually) builds up interests that he can go and follow through with either by himself, with a sibling or with a friend.

Perhaps a more gentle (on yourself) approach would be to see yourself as a facilitator during the holidays, rather than the source of his entertainment.

for example - on the first day of the hols take all your children to sign up for the reading challenge at the libary - insist that they must select 10 books, each from a different shelf (if bribary needed they could also bring home a DVD) and - here's the important bit - they must spend at least 30 mins in the libary choosing - you then go off for a coffee away from the libary - really do trust them, and leave them to it.

From this Ds will find something in a book that interests him - no matter what it is he can then start to follow it up - you just provide computer access, pens and paper, related books, ideas to prompt lego structures - anything he needs to pursue his interest - as a treat after a few days you might like to take him to a "linked" place to visit if there is something on nearby.

OP - you are right, and children are not the same when faced with unstructured time.

When my DS (5) complains he is bored we have the stock reply 'only boring people get bored'

i agree that you are letting his boredom become your problem! If you leave him to get on with it he will find his own fun.

Maybe to start with you could suggest things (like writing a story or some of the other things you have timetabled in) and then move on to offering him chores to do

OP, if you continue this, you will have to entertain him until girlfriend/wife takes over. Is that what you want? Could be a long time.
Books, toys, playing outside, drawing should keep a child entertained. At the age of 8 I'd have read all day if they had let me.

Don't think it is fair to say he is spoilt (in a sort of wilful parent led way) - after all I didn't schedule two birthday parties on consecutive days, that's just how they fell. I mentioned his busier than usual weekend schedule to demonstrate that he hasn't been left to languish on his own most of the time which makes his complaints of boredom all the more frustrating

When my ds says he is board i say well the front room could do with hoover and like magic he finds somthing to do works every time

if you leave them to entertain themselves, then you take the risk of them redecorating your living room wallpaper with crayons, carpet with sudocreme or the furniture with biro. (tis amazing where they can hide a biro and magically make it reappear when you go to make tea) or applying sun creme to the rockinghorse or the furniture so they can draw patterns in it, one is even prone to strip and parade up and down the windowsil. one of them managed to camoflage themselves in their highchair with blue and red paint to match the seat. one cleaned the window by spitting on it and smearing it around.

tis no wonder I have developed the bladder capacity of a large elephant. daren't risk leaving them too often.

yanbu to supervise AT ALL TIMES not at all!

how will you handle the 6 week holidays op??????????????????

hmc - see, I think you've inadvertently hit the nail on the head. You were bored as a child. You're not as an adult... do you think it's maybe because you learned how to live without constant external stimulation?

Your ds needs to learn this too. Unfortunately it will be boring for him (and by extension a pita for you), but it's a lesson better learned now than later.

Sadly my son once said he can't wait to be grown up as he's fed up with being a child and wants to do grown up things.Said child just wants a job!!!!!He doesn't do sitting around doing nothing.He loves music and reading though-thank God!!!!!

Is your son quite bright?My son is and has never had to try hard at anything which deeply concerns me(thinking he's going to have a shock further down the line).I firmly believe this doesn't help as he's never had to sit for ages puzzling things out.

Having to sit and discipline oneself helps with boredom imvho and getting things so quick all the time doesn't help.This was part of the reason I got him into the piano as he likes the structure of learning new pieces of music,each piece is a challenge to begin with(although his bloody good memory means he'll play from ear after a while) and it's good for him/has helped a lot.

How about just playing some games on the cbbc website? I know some parents don't like computer games but they're all very tame on there and there's lots of them!

blimey...who died and made you Entertainments Manager??

Let the child be bored, let him mope and whine! He WILL learn to fill his time and amuse himself.

By all means talk about projects and such but for pity's sake don't structure his day any further than mealtimes.

By spoilt I meant did he really need Quazar and lunch out on top of 2 parties?

The parties would have been plenty enough as a treat/weekend amusement.No way would I spend a small fortune on other activities if they were going to 2 parties,children really don't need that many treats.Any free time is going to be boring after that amount of intense entertainment in one weekend.

DS used to be like this, at around 6yo, but now at 8 he is very capable of entertaining himself, it helps that DD, now 6, will play with him more now too, whereas when she was younger she just played on her own (she has always been able to occupy herself).

I don't particularly buy into the too many activities = overstimulated child theory, in terms of sports and other out of school activities, but I do think it is really important to let them learn to occupy themselves at home or on holiday, we do lots of lazy time at weekends and school holidays, also in the evenings when we can and I think it has paid off.

One strategy that did work for me, was that DS never likes practising his keyboard, so I had a spell for a few months when every time he asked what he could do I said keyboard practice. Over and over. Till he got the message and stopped asking.

He does love structure and routine (he has AS) but part of that for him is that he just likes hanging around at home a lot at the weekend, unless you offer him something really exciting, like a camping trip, he is quite happy to stay at home all weekend.

I think he was tired actually any 8 year old crying at 7pm for something he can control needs to have a bath and go to bed with a book.

my dd is 6 and has a very unsquesduled life apart from clubs and school and never once has she cried because she is bored, she has toys books pen and paper and if she choses not to do that then thier is plenty she can help around the house.

Your son was not bored, he could not be bothered to use his imaginantion as he was tired. well thats my opinion any way.

I will say again though op you are right re not all children being the same.I have 3(my bored boy is a twin,his twin is the opposite and they were raised exactly the same).Honestly until you've had a child like this you have no idea however I think you need to strike a balance and teach him how to amuse himself to a certain degree.

Maybe you could also keep holiday trips out for Thursday and Friday if he has amused himself Mon-Wed.