in being sceptical of well intended advice to allow children to get bored so they learn how to entertain themselves?

[hmc]

I just don't think it works for all children. Personalities differ.

My 8 year old ds has this weekend been to ten pin bowling yesterday a.m. followed by lunch out, home for a couple of hours then to a quasar birthday party on Saturday afternoon. This morning he was left to his own devices but attended another birthday party this afternoon. Despite this, in the past hour he has been complaining bitterly that he has nothing to do and is horribly bored - he got really quite upset about it.

9 year old dd has had a similar but slightly quieter weekend (no birthday parties to attend but she did have a friend over to play for a couple of hours today) and she is blissfully content.

I just think that ds needs structure and a whole day of free time is like a manacle weighing heavily around his neck. I am dreading the school holidays and thinking the only way to cope is to structure his day for him - e.g.:

9 - 10.00: written project work as specified by me - might be a creative piece of writing or something similar
10 - 10.45: free time
10.45 - 11.15: p.e. (I will give them some structured exercise like sprint training against a stop watch)
11.15 -12: free Time
12.00: dc to make their own sandwich lunch
13.00: we play a board game / card game
Etc etc
I.e. I will almost give him a mini school day (he likes school)

The advantage is he will love it ....disadvantage - bit labour intensive for me...

So, am I creating a rod for my own back or should I just tough it out and hope he transforms swan like into a laid back creative child who is capable of endlessly entertaining himself. Are children these days over stimulated and I am feeding this? ....or is it a load of baloney that bored children will eventually prosper in self sufficiency?

FGS! I travelled 6000 miles to visit my two GS (10 and 6) last month and I always take a British idea. This time, I took skipping ropes wth me to teach them how to skip. I also took another longer rope (clothes line type) to teach them how to do the run in and out sort of skipping. It was such a success that I was sooo puffed out at the end and found it hard to say that it was now lunch / dinner / bed time beause they were enjoying it so much.

Now I am home, I'm told that they are still skipping and so are my son and DIL Use your memories for the skipping in and out rhymes. The rhyme that my GSs latched on to was: Ash Wednesday; Never let the Pot Go Empty. I tried to introduce another rhyme but they would not / could not accommodate it: Mother in the Kitchen, doing a bit of Knitting; In came a Bogeyman and Frightened Her Away. I know that there are other rhymes.

Once they have learned, they do not need you there. I bought the one-person skipping ropes in the toy department at John Lewis £2+. I did not want pink or blue handles to the ropes so enquired further and found some with plain wooden handles. For the more-than-one-person skipping enterprise, I found the clothes line also at John Lewis (non plastic or metal) for £5+. The clothes line rope was too long but we all have a pair of scissors, don't we?

Get some thought into what you provide for your children to do. Sorry, I've had a few . Use some imagination because you have to introduce things to them. Did no one introduce activities to you?

actually i think the problem for him is the contrast between the stimulation of the parties and lunches quasar etc and the down time... if i've been hyper-stimulated by being really busy or stressed i find it hard to stop suddenly as i'm still going at 100mph.

on holiday for example, it takes a couple of days to slow down... i think that's what your son needs, to slow down a bit.. not to keep his stimulation levels high.

Uncalled for Mutt - I wouldn't call your child a spoilt brat!

I did originally think that your OP was a wind up when I read about the structured PE, sorry.

I think that there is a balance to be struck between letting them entertain themselves, which I think is a good thing but I know my DS cannot do that all the time. We do have to get out of the house, even if its playing outside for a while, park or walk etc or he goes up the walls, he has a lot of energy (or I'm getting older) My DB has 3 very energetic boys, they have to get them outside just to get rid of some energy, so they do lots of sport and cycling. However, they also have to entertain themselves as well.

Find a balance, I think with no justification whatsoever that being bored is no bad thing.

If mine complain their bored I have 2 choices. One to find them something-but they usually complain at most of the suggestions: "That's boring".
The second is to leave them. They usually find something to do, reading, craft, den building, sewing, board games. It can be messy, but actually I think that's generally better for them. They chose what they're doing and can amuse themselves for hours in a complicated game, with occasional requests for supplies which they may or may not get.

I think maybenow has nailed it really he was over stimulated and then when he stopped he was 'bored' he wasnt really bored he just wasnt being entertained imo there is a difference

That's they're not their...

if you leave them to entertain themselves, then you take the risk of them
redecorating your living room wallpaper with crayons, carpet with
sudocreme or the furniture with biro.
No, you don't. Presuming you put boundaries in place and they know that they must not draw on the wall regardless of whether you are in the room or not.

No child has to be bored: there are more books than one can read in a lifetime. Children who don't know what to do with themselves will grow into teenagers and adults who don't know what to do with themselves (do you remember the London rioters complaining "there was nothing to do"?).

I like the idea of giving them chores, whoever suggested it: I bet they do find something to do fast then. Or if not, at least the hoovering will get done. :o

'> if you leave them to entertain themselves, then you take the risk of them

redecorating your living room wallpaper with crayons, carpet with
sudocreme or the furniture with biro.'

OP's son is 8 not 3.

Op sorry that amount of entertainment in one weekend and a strop after saying his life is crap does make him sound errrr rather spoilt.

My dc never go out for lunch and Quasar would be a party activity if we had the money. They'd have been so utterly grateful for a morning like that even without 2 parties on top.

I know it's not nice to hear but he does sound spoilt and you did ask for opinions.You won't gain from said opinions if you refuse to listen.

Ah rulebrittania your post brings back memories of skipping at school, jumping in and out, loved it!

OP YABU.

I think there is an element of him having to realise that he can think up things to do for himself and amuse himself rather than relying on other people to do it for him.

Also I had to get bored twin out of the house every day by 10 from birth,I still do.We go out for a hike,beach etc.Even if only for an hour.It helps them to relax,run off excess energy.

if a child of 8yrs old when left to entertain themselves, draws on the wall or smears sudocream etc then they would be for the high jump in this house! a toddler of 2 or 3 yes maybe they will do these things, but sorry any older then no they wont!

i agree he has actually had too much to do, is probably tired and i would have ignored his whinging and melodramatics.

i will organise some activites, do baking, trips to the park etc but on the whole they wil play out, watch a film, play with toys, build dens, draw, crafy stuff etc and when bored there is ALWAYS some housework they can do!

you could also be reminded OP, that in actual fact with the life he has, he has no idea of what boredom is, a bit like when dd compalins she is staaaarving. I know she is just hungry as she has no idea what starving is not many western children have ever died of boredom.

Yes mrsjay....and maybe now...tiredness definitelyna factor in today's overreaction.

There has been some good advice here - I particularly like the idea of discussing with him in advance ideas of what he might do when he is bored and making him take some responsibility for it. Will work better chatting loosely about this before boredom sets in - because he tends to be less receptive to suggestions when already bored and cheesed off

Also can I just say that kids who cannot figure out what to do with themselves are a nightmare at school because the very minute they have finished the task they start pestering the teacher with "Miss, miss, I've finished, what shall I do now?" oblivious to the fact that there are 29 other kids in class who might take 5-10 minutes longer to finish and there won't be an entertainment activity for them just so they are not bored for 5 minutes.

If you structure your kids' days like that they will never learn to entertain themselves and use their own imagination. Personally, I just get their friends over to play, maybe go to the park etc. I don't do loads of interactive stuff because it is just so tedious and I can't be arsed.

"Despite this [extremely busy and structured weekend], in the past hour he has been complaining bitterly that he has nothing to do and is horribly bored"

"he looked glum, cried a bit, complained like a drama queen that his life was rubbish (and I felt a bit of a failure)."

But really, had he had the opportunity to get bored? Really, really? What he meant was, "nothing has popped in from of my eyes to passively entertain me for at least an hour." I cannot see how you can consider yourself a failure for his drama-queen tendencies.

I personally think we do a child a great disservice if we train them to look to others to entertain them 24-7. You need to stick with it, OP. Amusing yourself is a skill, some are born with it and others have to learn it. Your son has to learn it, and if not now - when?

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan That sounds exhausting but it's not really the point. You can be in the same room to supervise children who can't be trusted not to write on the walls without actually entertaining them.

Sorry, I've got washing up to do, somebody has probably already suggested this but.... wouldn't a 15 minute slot in the morning be all the time your DS needs to create his own 'timetable' for the day? Saving you the work, and killing 15 minutes for him? Two birds, one stone. Love it. (if he's a bit of a wildcard you could even have pieces of paper cut out with 'pre approved' activities on them for him to arrange into time slots around specified necessary items (ie. lunch, bed). Good greif, can you tell I'm a teacher? Awful aren't I?

Ha! Can you tell I'm a teacher even more because I can't even spell good grief?????

They appreciate home a bit more when they know what the alternative could be.I keep Hound Tor in the wind as an incentive not to bug me at times ie if you don't get something to do we'll go out in the fresh air [nasty mummy].

Bored boy is 8 now and by no means good at the boredom thing but he has started to learn that it's his responsibilty and not mine.I'm supporting him and he is massively better.He'll never be as good as the other 2 but I'm pleased with him.As I said it's a balance.I don't force benign neglect on him 24/7,I don't over structure but kind of meet half way.

Now if you have any advice re teasing as bored boy is also bugging boy.......