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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think fuck it! I will get sterilised instead!

108 replies

susiemumof · 05/07/2012 20:08

Yes I probably am bu but I am ill and tired and totally fed up.

Agreement was always that dh was going to get the snip once our family was complete. I am 8 years younger than him and I know they would not be keen to sterilise me due to my age and the fact I had a devastating late miscarriage last year after discovering there were problems with the baby. This is another factor in not wanting to be pg again as we are at a high risk of something similar happening again. The doctor has already told me though that they are not keen on sterilising woman who have recently been through it.

I have three gorgeous children who I love with all my heart, my family is complete and I want to move onto the next stage.

Dh seen his doc this morning, he has a navy doctor so not being refered from a nhs doctor.

Anyway the drama I have had since he came home makes me think he has mistakenly thought I had asked him to snip his balls of with blunt scissors. It's like he has been replaced with dev from corrie with the over the top acting and hand gestures I am getting.

To top it all off he has requested they send him on a 10 hour round trip so that he can get a general rather than local anaesthetic!

Have just told him if he is going to be such a pussy about it I will go and see about it myself!

OP posts:
manicbmc · 05/07/2012 20:11

Oh fgs what a big baby. Ex had it done under local (even needed extra injections) and said it was no big deal really. That was from a man who was a drama queen if he was ill.

RandomMess · 05/07/2012 20:11

I would ask him

a) if he wants another child with you
b) if he ever wants to have sex with you

May help concentrate his mind?

I have been sterlised (my choice) I was unwell for 3 weeks afterwards!

Cheriefroufrou · 05/07/2012 20:13

doesn't he realise that comming round from a general will feel much much worse then any sensation he has during a local?

Callisto · 05/07/2012 20:15

YANBU at all. I would be horrified at the thought of having another child (I have one compared to your three) so if I wasn't happy with my coil either DH or myself would have had the snip (DH suggested it actually, I said no need).

I do think though that you should wait a while if you are young. Sterilisation is not comparable between men and women and I think that if you are considering this route you need to know exactly how it could affect you.

Original poster
susiemumof · 05/07/2012 20:18

The thought of getting a bfp on a test again brings me out in a cold sweat, I really could not do it again. I have already fell pg once on the pill (dc1) and once when we were using condoms (sadly miscarried this time as well but not with the added complications of last year) so I seem to be pretty fertile.

At the moment we are using condoms but avoiding the first 10 days of my cycle after af finishes. I feel like it is taking over my life a bit.

I have looked at the coil but have really heavy periods already so don't want the copper coil and hormonal contraception sends me a bit loopy!

OP posts:
Original poster
susiemumof · 05/07/2012 20:20

He is a total drama queen.

This is the man who was very badly wounded through his job once and never once complained while he was recovering but if he has a cold he lies on the bed twitching gasping for breath Hmm

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/07/2012 20:22

Ignore the flouncing and just let him get on with it.

Pixel · 05/07/2012 20:25

My mum tells me that my dad only popped in the doctor's to make the appointment and they said "oh we aren't busy, we'll do it now if you like". Grin

BikeRunSki · 05/07/2012 20:26

Grrrr.... I asked DH to go and look into over a year ago. We have 2 DC, one of each. 2 horrific hyperemisis pg. I am 41 and we really do not want any more DC.

DH won't go because 1- he thinks it might hurt a bit and 2- he won't be able to ride his bike for a few days. Like 2 crash cs were like being stroked with feathers.... and the nearest he has been to his bikes for weeks is ITV4.

Ismeyes · 05/07/2012 20:30

He is allowed to be scared about it, it doesn't make him a drama queen, that all smacks of 'Man up!' which is a bit unfair.

Sit down together like grown ups and talk it through. Goading him is not going to help.

pantaloons · 05/07/2012 20:32

dh is the biggest baby, but has had the snip. He went in for his at 8.30am on a Sunday morning, we were home by 10 eating toast. It really is incredibly quick and so much easier for men.

We both also found it really liberating. I had SPD with dc3 so nothing compared with what you have been through, but still enough for us not to want to rely on condoms and a bit of luck! It jsut makes (love) life a lot easier.

Get him done!

fedupofnamechanging · 05/07/2012 20:32

If he agreed to do this, then let him get on with it. It will be a much bigger deal for you to be sterilised than for him and personally, I think that you have gone through enough,physically, in order to have your family. His turn now. Ignore the whinging -he should want to do this for you both.

CogPsych · 05/07/2012 22:13

I think you should consider his feelings a bit more. Lots of women seem to think that getting themselves sterilised will be a huge emotional (as well as physical) trauma and that's why they should never have to have it done...

Well, sure, physically it's much worse for women... but what reason do you have to think there's not an emotional impact on men? In a functional sense, it IS like having his balls cut off.

Esspecially the way that lots of women deal with it. They really treat men like baby making machines. Married 5 years and sex is down to once a fortnight. Then they want children so it's sex every day... not because they fancy him so much (once a fortnight was just fine) but because they want a baby. Then when they have enough, march him off to get cut up by a surgeon and some even threaten to refuse sex otherwise. Really makes a man feel sexy i'm sure!

Pumpster · 05/07/2012 22:16

Dp had it done and ended up with a giant infected ball that had to be drained under anaesthetic. It's not without any risks and men shouldn't be bullied into it.

thebody · 05/07/2012 22:28

Cog psych...' married 5 years and sex is once a fortnight'????

If u are a bloke then sort out your technique!!!

We married 25 years and have fabbi regular nookie.

My dh had snip after our 4 th was born because he loves me and wanted to shoulder the joint decision of contraception.

Op tell him to get in with it, be much worse for you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2012 22:28

That's as may be, CogPsych but I think why women feel a little Hmm about it that we have gone through; lots of smears; lots of internals; most of the responsibility for contraception including hormones and the side effects; vaginal birth or CS; tears and discharge and incontinence and sagging tummies and sagging breasts and mastitis and cracked nipples and on and on and on.

One of the very few physical things men are asked to do for our joint reproductive choices is this. Then they complain. Personally, I sucked up four days of induction and labour. DH can suck up the snip.

Nagoo · 05/07/2012 22:34
Kayano · 05/07/2012 22:38

Anyone saying someone who would rather have a general than a local is a pussy is instantly UR

He said he would do it, but just under general. I get most of the drama from you :S

MarianForrester · 05/07/2012 22:38

I got Essure: no surgery, no babies, am pleased

ShellyBoobs · 05/07/2012 22:44

CogPsych - totally agree.

The way some people talk about men here makes me wonder how they ever managed to have children in the first place.

The snip isn't without risk.

ShellyBoobs · 05/07/2012 22:46

If u are a bloke then sort out your technique!!!

There we go again; always the man's fault...

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2012 22:49

ShellyBoobs did you read the posts by the OP? The snip is not without risk but neither is the devastating late miscarriage that she suffered. She also has three children, brought into the world, also not without considerable risk. Why shouldn't men have to take some responsibility for this stuff?

ShellyBoobs · 05/07/2012 22:59

MrsTerryPratchett I wasn't referring to the OP - I thought that was obvious as I was agreeing with CogPsych who also wasn't referring to OP.

I'm all for men taking responsibility in a relationship. I'm just not a fan of how some women deprecate men as if their thoughts and feelings are totally irrelevant.

Donteventhinkaboutit · 05/07/2012 23:02

I was sterilised, I was 'out' for about 20 minutes, the op took 8 minutes. I was home a couple of hours later and although I could feel something it felt no worse than mild period pain. I did not need any painkillers after the op.
OK so I may have milked it a little bit to ensure DH knew what a selfless and lovely thing I had done Grin
The reason I did it rather than DH is that he hates anything medical whereas I don't mind. Also, we could stop using other protection immediatly rather than waiting. DH was very grateful. I don't get the view that because I had the DC's it's his turn.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2012 23:12

Who was CogPsych referring to when she said I think you should consider his feelings a bit more? I'm assuming the OP. I agree the deprecation isn't helpful but I see where it comes from. In the OP's case she has gone through some extremely traumatic stuff and he is worrying aver something much less physically dangerous than giving birth. It seems to be that the default position is that women deal with all the physically traumatic aspects of contraception and reproduction.

Also, asking for a GA when an LA will do is incredibly silly. GAs are massively more dangerous.

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